Thoughts on Home

"You will ask me, are you satisfied? Have you got all you want? God forbid. With the deepest feeling of my soul I can say that I am satisfied with Jesus now; but there is also the consciousness of how much fuller the revelation can be of the exceeding abundance of His grace. Let us never hesitate to say, THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING." -Andrew Murray






Ireland is only familiar to me through the pictures and stories I experienced growing up (and yes, both qualify as an experience). As a setting, Ireland's only competition to the retelling of family history comes from Long Island, New York (my mom's stomping ground, where the Holy Spirit started to soften her heart and draw her to Jesus), the Daytona Beach Boardwalk (the place where God kidnapped my dad from a death sentence of addiction), and of course Frederick, Maryland, where my parents met and chose to settle down to start a family.

In a few days, my feet will touch Irish soil, and I won't need those pictures anymore as a reference. Even if it is not lush and green in December, I will be THERE--in IRELAND. It feels like a dream come true. It is a dream come true.

Even though I will only be a visitor, Ireland feels like the homeland I've heard about but never seen. It reminds me of this longing I have deep down for a home.

And this longing for a true home has me thinking about eternity. Ah, to have a heart full of the dreams of heaven--the dreams of my real home. That is what I long for, because I know in those dreams there is a satisfaction that can only come from God. True contentment. True purpose. True fulfillment.

The real homeland I seek is not Ireland, although I cannot wait to get there and experience as much of that nation as I can in twelve days. But I seek a homeland that is not on this round planet-

but while I'm here...

May I be found faithful--may my heart be full of heaven--and may my pursuits reflect the dreams in Abba's heart.

-------------------------------------------------------


Dear Cork, Galway, Shannon, Dublin, etc., etc., etc, (all of Ireland),

Here I come! I can't wait to officially meet you. I'm looking forward to learning a lot from you. See you soooooon!

Caitlin

Some Oswald Chambers to get me ready for a new year:

"There was nothing of the nature of impulsive or thoughtless action about our Lord, but only a calm strength that never got into a panic. Most of us develop our Christianity along the lines of our own nature, not along the lines of God’s nature. Impulsiveness is a trait of the natural life, and our Lord always ignores it, because it hinders the development of the life of a disciple. Watch how the Spirit of God gives a sense of restraint to impulsiveness, suddenly bringing us a feeling of self-conscious foolishness, which makes us instantly want to vindicate ourselves. Impulsiveness is all right in a child, but is disastrous in a man or woman—an impulsive adult is always a spoiled person. Impulsiveness needs to be trained into intuition through discipline.

Discipleship is built entirely on the supernatural grace of God. Walking on water is easy to someone with impulsive boldness, but walking on dry land as a disciple of Jesus Christ is something altogether different. Peter walked on the water to go to Jesus, but he “followed Him at a distance” on dry land ( Mark 14:54 ). We do not need the grace of God to withstand crises—human nature and pride are sufficient for us to face the stress and strain magnificently. But it does require the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours of every day as a saint, going through drudgery, and living an ordinary, unnoticed, and ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus. It is ingrained in us that we have to do exceptional things for God—but we do not. We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things of life, and holy on the ordinary streets, among ordinary people—and this is not learned in five minutes."

Isaiah 43:1-4, The Message

But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob,
the One who got you started, Israel:
"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That's how much you mean to me!
That's how much I love you!
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.

"Her heart is full of another world, even when her hands are most busy about this world." - Matthew Henry

Driving home...

I was supposed to leave 1t 7:00P. I think I have a problem with leaving on time. Like a big problem. I got on the road at 10:30P.

At about 1:00 am I had to go to the bathroom really bad and since at this point my phone was almost dead, I decided to go into the Denny's right off the Fredericksburg exit to plug in my phone for a few minutes. After I downed about 3 whole glasses of coke in 5 minutes (to counter the eye closing phenomena), I notice...d this odd man who looked a bit sketch sitting at a booth. There were a few odd interactions between him and a waitress. As I went to pay for my soda, I heard one of the waiters on the phone (whispering in a slightly frantic tone), "I need an officer to come here...we have a possible situation on our hands." I walked very quickly to my car, locked the doors, and drove really fast. :-) Yay.

Oral Roberts passed away today. He will be greatly missed. I'm thankful that he was alive during my generation, and that he paid the price that he did.

"After I'm gone, others will have to judge how well I've obeyed God's command not to be an echo but to be a voice like Jesus. As far as my own conviction is concerned, I've tried to be that voice with every fiber of my being, regardless of the cost."

Is there a chance?

Is there a chance waiting at the front door--
right now--
today--
a chance to
restore
what's been lost--
the innocence of sight?

If that's the case, I better not stay inside with fear and hope deferred.

Finding a Hero

Amy Carmichael is becoming a hero of sorts for me. In the book Elizabeth Elliot wrote about her life, a story is recounted of the bulding of a house of prayer. God supernaturally provided the money for this building to be constructed. When it was all done, more money came in, and it was used for a prayer tower. Here is an excerpt from the book "A Chance to Die":

"The House was finished, a beautiful buidling standing in the middle of the compound, covered with flowering vines. The architect who designed it took its style from an old palace in Travancore, a city where the influence of Chinese carpenters had been felt from ancient times. There was hesitation about one feature of its architecture, lest it be a mere luxury, an unjustifiable spending of money sacrificially given, but a specially marked gift came for that very thing--a prayer tower. On its roof are two pointed shafts, symbol of the unity of spiritual and secular in the life of holiness--the men and women of Dohnavur livd a common life, but they lived it with God for others. In the tower are tubular bells, 'things we should never have thought of buying.' Monring and evening a humn is pllayed on the bells, and each hour they ring for a moment of stillness for prayer and recollection."

you are beautiful. thank you for being born.

Looking at your face today, I find myself wanting to hear the story that Jesus is telling about you. I want to see it through His eyes, instead of my own, or even your own eyes. Because my sight is often inaccurate. But His is always perfect.

in this season--

i want trustworthy hands

Adjustment

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize the little things were the big things." ~Robert Brault

To be...

...more like my best friend. that's my favorite dream.

Looking for Definition

In heroes. stories. essays. quotes. opinions. friendships. respect. success. great ideas. stirring moments. accomplishments. influence. creativity. being cool. being uncool.dressing in [whatever style] seems in [or out--just to be different]. music. literature. denomination. belief. places travelled. movies watched. lingo learned. people skills possessed. perfection. trends. __________.

All fail me. All fall short. All are incomplete.

You are complete. And if that's the case (and I know it is), I would be wise to let You define me. And only You.


I don't understand why I so often want destiny without paying the price, or death to self without getting all messy and undone--but it's part of the journey.

And oh the glory, the promise, of new life.

It's Amazing...

the things you discover you can live without.

-----------

To know You, that is life.

----------

I turn 23 in just a few days. It's crazy to think this year is already here--and even crazier to think that deep down, I feel ready for it. NOt necessarily ready for what is going to be required of me in this year--but ready for the new.

This past year has been incredible. It's been incredible in brokenness, in growth, in realizing what I don't want to be about. But now I want to start walking in the confidence of a daughter--the trust of one who knows her Father is not going to leave or give up on her.

Abba, thank You for bringing me this far. Thank You that this is not the end. I ask that You would direct my steps--that I would hear Your voice so clearly. You are so faithful. Thank you for this next year. I want to risk everything on You.

Some days...

Some days this is how I feel:

"so i gave chase, and found it finally.
slowly, feeding from your head.
and from my friends, and from my family,
so i grabbed it by the neck.
"for every lover you have ruined."
i dug my nails into its flesh.
"and every life that you have taken."
slammed its head against the bricks.
its blood poured out onto the pavement.
i stirred it in with dirt and spit.
"i will take a part of you!"
i made mortar from the mix.
tore every organ from its body.
broke its bone and fashioned bricks.
i laid the mortar in between.
i made a thrown for hope to sit.
"too long you've torn us into pieces.
firmly held on to our wrists.
today i bury you in me."
I swallowed every inch of it.

I'll hold you, as you have held me -
You've held me in your heart, we'll be set free from fear.
We've felt our failures.
We've watched our passions leave, but we're still breathing on.
I'll hold you, as you have held me,
You've held me in your heart.
(And I will hold you in my heart)

We keep our heads up
We keep our hearts up
We keep our hopes up


-la dispute, the last lost continent lyrics

Written on my return from Thanksgiving break...

11-20-09
“I’m not holding onto anything/I’m not willing to let go of/to be free.” –sara groves

It’s been a rough day. A rough day on top of a thick pile of other rough days that I just let accumulate instead of giving them over to Jesus.

This rough day was a wake up call. It’s true—you can only go for so long in a negative way before it starts to catch up to you. The rough days caught up to me. They showed me the heaviness that I’ve allowed into my emotions, and how often I’ve allowed my secret place to be forsaken.

God reminded me today about a prayer I prayed last summer. I said, “God, I want to be abandoned to you. No matter what it costs.” He heard that prayer. He reminded me that He heard that prayer.

He is answering that prayer.

I don't think it's by accident that my heart has always had a certain jealousy of people like Amy Carmichael—people with an out of the ordinary faith, who trusted you for everything--living lives of obedience and surrender.

"God, there have been thrones in my life where I have sat and ordered my life. There are idols littering the lawn of my inner world. There is mixture. There is mixture of fears and cowardice. But God, you are so kind. You showed me that You are crucifying those things—to bring me into life—the kind of resurrection life that touches others and brings hope. I’ve known what hopelessness feels like. I’ve felt the shadow of death. I’ve experienced the consequences of disobedience and compromise.

Recently You have been reviving dreams—but also You’ve been showing me the cost. You’re calling me higher. It’s time. Anything else makes me miserable. Your way is the only one worth it, even if it kills me. You are the only way.

And as you’ve made me aware of the cost, you’ve also made me more aware of your protection. I feel like You’re telling me that now is when I’m going to start to see angels. I’ve already started to feel them a lot more often—I sense their presence a lot more often. But I am also going to understand their part to play in my assignment. You are with me. Your angels are round about me. I’m not alone.
I see You moving. You are awakening Your own. I want to be there where You are—where I can hear your voice and feel your heartbeat. I’m jealous for that place. I’m craving it.

I will not take the easy way out. I will not let others be my resolution. Not this time. You are bringing truth and freedom. Again, I say, 'I’m not holding onto anything/I’m not willing to let go of/to be free'. "

a prayer for this season...

Disturb us, Lord, when
We are too well pleased with ourselves
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely,
Because we sailed too close to shore.
........................................
Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldy,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show Your mas...tery
Where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars."
~Sir Francis Drake, 1577

Needing direction..

"Help me, O God, to listen to what it is that makes my heart glad and to follow where it leads. May joy, not guilt, your voice, not the voices of others, your will, not my will-fulness, be the guide that leads me to my vocation. Help me unearth the passions of my heart that lay buried in my youth. And help me to go over that ground again and again until I can hold in my hands, hold and treasure, your calling on my life." -Prayer by Ken Gire

Lord of the Rings

It's Thanksgiving weekend, and my little retreat moments have been found (so far) in re-watching Lord of the Rings. Tonight my family watched The Two Towers. I was struck, once again, by the character of Sam. For some reason, he's my favorite. Maybe it's because he is so unassuming, so loyal, so unaffected by those striving around him to be brave and strong and heroic. All I know is that there is something heroic about him just being Sam, a little hobbit tossed into an epic story--or maybe a little hobbit who made it an epic story.

Scene from the movie--

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

Henri nouwen quotes:

"As long as we continue to live as if we are what we do, what we have, and what other people think about us, we will remain filled with judgments, opinions, evaluations, and condemnations. We will remain addicted to putting people and things in their "right" place."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

"Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, that without distance closeness cannot cure."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

"Becoming the beloved is pulling the truth revealed to me from above down into the ordinariness of what I am, in fact, thinking of, talking about and doing from hour to hour."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

"You are the heir to the Kingdom. Prosperity is your birth right and you hold the key to more abundance in every area of your life then you can possibly imagine."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

"Dear God,
I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!
Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?
Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?
Please help me to gradually open my hands
and to discover that I am not what I own,
but what you want to give me.
And what you want to give me is love,
unconditional, everlasting love.
Amen."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

"The leaders of the future will be those who dare to claim their irrelevance in the contemporary world as a divine vocation..."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

solitude begins with a time and a place for God, and God alone. If we really believe not only that God exists but also that God is actively present in our lives-- healing, teaching and guiding-- we need to set aside a time and space to give God our undivided attention. (Matt 6:6)"
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

Let us not underestimate how hard it is to be compassionate. Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our spontaneous response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey)

Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all people love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour increasinly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is the human family."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

Henri Nouwen said it well:

There is a false form of honesty that suggests that nothing should remain hidden and that everything should be said, expressed and communicated. This honesty can be very harmful, and if it does not harm, it at least makes the relationship flat, superficial, empty and often very boring. When we try to shake off our loneliness by creating a milieu without limiting boundaries, we may become entangled in a stagnating closeness. It is our vocation to prevent the harmful exposure of our inner sanctuary, not only for our own protection but also as a service to our fellow human being with whom we want to enter in a creative communion. Just as words lose their power when they are not born out of silence, so openness loses its meaning when there is no ability to be closed. Our world is full of empty chatter, easy confessions, hollow talk, senseless compliments, poor praise, and boring confidentialities. Not a few magazines become wealthy by suggesting that they are able to furnish us with the most secret and intimate details of the lives of people we always wanted to know more about. In fact, they present us with the most boring trivialities and the most supercilious idiosyncrasies of people whose lives are already flattened out by morbid exhibitionism.

the only choice now:

is that i can't turn back.

I never understood why people used the word wrecked to describe an effect of extravagant love. now i do.

the minute i saw you running down that lane, i wanted to run the other way. i was angry that you cared that much. i was angry that you wanted me back. i don't deserve that kind of love. you met me there on that road, God. you met me there after i broke your heart a zillion times. you met me there after i let bitterness creep in and woundedness whisper lies to me about your character. you met me there even after i denied your friendship..and i've known you my whole life. i betrayed you.

Abba, i don't get it. this love. but i understand how wrecked is sometimes the only description to adequately convey what happens under the weight of your love. it sounds almost violent. but it is violent.

God, i'm wrecked. i have no choice. i must follow you.

Thin Place

“Thin places,” the Celts call this space,
Both seen and unseen,
Where the door between the world
And the next is cracked open for a moment
And the light is not all on the other side.
God shaped space. Holy.
-poet Sharlande Sledge

I have this growing interest in studying what the ancient Celtics referred to as thin places. For them, this phrase meant "that heaven and earth are only three feet apart, but in the thin places that distance is even smaller. A thin place is where the veil that separates heaven and earth is lifted and one is able to receive a glimpse of the glory of God."

I read on a website something a guy wrote on thin places. It really made me long for this in my life--to walk in a way where heaven and earth are constantly in meeting. (http://www.explorefaith.org/mystery/mysteryThinPlaces.html)

"It is no wonder that thin places are most often associated with wild landscapes. A thin place requires us to step from one world to another and that often means traveling to a place where we have less control and where the unpredictable becomes the means of discovery. Rugged seacoast like the Cliffs of St. David’s, windswept Islands like Iona, and rocky mountain peaks like Croagh Patrick were thin places in ancient times and still call out to pilgrims today. These sanctuaries of creation help us as John O’donohue writes, 'to anchor our longing in the ancient longing of Nature.'

...in a thin place there is an immediacy of experience where words of faith become words of life. In this hallowed space and time heaven and earth for a moment are one. I wanted to sing the song of an anonymous 9th century Welsh poet:

Almighty Creator, it is you who have made the land and the sea…
All your wonders, O true Lord!
The Father created the world by a miracle;
It is difficult to express its measure.
Letters cannot contain it, letters cannot contain it.
We return from thin places refreshed and renewed. We are graced with a new awareness of the thin places in all of life. Having seen the glimpses of glory in those sacred landscapes, we begin to see glimpses all around us. Soon the birds outside our window sing of the mystery we might have passed over in our busyness. Suddenly we see the holiness of places like Bowden Springs and we understand the awe and wonder of the Welsh minister Thomas Jones who exclaimed:

Our Lord is great, and great His praise
From just this one small part of earth,
Then what of the image of His greatness
Which comes from the whole of His fine work?
…What of the greatness and pure loveliness,
Of God Himself?"

I have an obsession...

with bikes.

Obviously.

project for class3

 

project for class 2

 

Project for class

 

i remember You

"So I remember You where the Jordan River begins..."
[psalm 42:6]

I walk around with this secret desire for everyone to promise me that they won't dislike me,ignore me,hurt me, break my heart. And I need that promise from them before I will trust them with any part of my heart. That's a lot of pressure to put on broken humanity--especially when I'm just as prone to inflicting pain on another.

So today I am taking that secret and pulling it into the light. Those relationships that fell apart--the friendships that didn't last--I'm giving you the band-aid I used to try to keep that from happening again.

Thank You for showing me this, Jesus. Thank You for loving me enough to uncover painful places in my heart that I've kept from Your balm of Gilead.

Thank You that wholeness is my portion. And that You are the One I can count on--You are that faithful friend.

Teach me to walk in Your ways.

Amen.

Holiness

Jesus, I wanna know what you look like...
there's nothing compared to the joy of the cross...
that place of being born.

"Got a mountain up ahead and a few I've left behind
So do you
The older you are, the more mountains you've left behind
And if you're like me
you've ran up to the top of those mountains sometimes so fast
that when you got to the top,
you were bored.
You looked back on that mountain and it defined
the little in your life
Cause a life isn't in the top of the moutain
Life's on the sides of the mountain
So you go over a few mountains in life.
Some of them you go over too fast and they define little
And you leave a few behind
But then you start to realize that if my present is the place that my future will define--
the sides of the mountain is what the top of the mountain defines
Then I want to slow things down
I want to take a little time
So help me Jesus
Help me do it Jesus." (Jason Upton)

"Allow God to write your story--that's what it means to be holy...God's intention for your life is for you to be holy--he wants you to pray and worship like He created you to worship...He wants you to eventually get to the place where you allow Him to write His story. If we never allow God to write our story, we're constantly trying to live somebody else's. That's what movements do. They push us to live somebody else's story. You weren't created to live somebody else's story...my story hasn't been written yet. It's BEING written. So is yours. So we can't know where we're going cause there's nobody else like you. So we reaise our hands and surrender to You Jesus and say we wanna follow You Jesus..." (Upton)

http://www.jasonupton.net/vision/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=181:holy-message&catid=43:messages&Itemid=58

"pazzo d'amore, ebro d'amore"

"crazed with love, drunk with love"

This morning I'm listening to the song Liquid Love by Janna Adams.

"one touch/and i turn into liquid love/my heart to the flower and I'm undone/so close/i can't tell where i end and You begin/if only this could be the way I live./I want to love You/like nobody's ever loved you before/falling in love is/a bittersweet ache that becomes beautiful/You come and kiss away the fears inside my heart/i realize how many there are/oh stay/and not just cause i need You to survive/but simply cause i want You in my life/i wanna love You/like nobody's ever loved You before/falling in love is/a bittersweet ache that becomes beautiful/i wanna be wherever You are/i wanna be wherever You are/i wanna be wherever You are."

This is the cry of my heart--Not a competition to love You the "best". More like knowing that only one of me will ever walk the earth, and I have a chance to love You with ever breath I take, in the way that You created me to love You. Each person has a chance to love You with all of their heart, soul, and strength.

Just some thoughts this morning.

A Story About Mother Theresa

...as told by Brennan Manning in his book Ruthless Trust

"When the brilliant ethicist John Kavanaugh went to work for three months at 'the house of the dying' in Calcutta, he was seeking a clear answer as to how best to spend the rest of his life. On the first morning there he met Mother Teresa. She asked, 'And what can... I do for you?' Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him.
'What do you want me to pray for?' she asked. He voiced the request that he had borne thousands of miles form the United States: 'Pray that I have clarity.' She said firmly, 'No, I will not do that.' When he asked her why, she said, 'Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of.' When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to ahve the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, 'I have never had clarity; what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God.'"Read More

A Conan Doyle Quote

"My dear fellow," said Sherlock Holmes as we sat on either side of the fire in his lodgings at Baker Street, "life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent. We would not dare to conceive the thing which are really mere commonplaces of existence. If we could fly out of that window hand in hand, hover over this great city, gently remove the roofs, and peep in at the queer things which are going on, the strange coincidences, the plannings, the cross-purposes, the wonderful chains of events, working through generations, and leading to the most outre results, it would make all fiction with its conventionalities and foreseen conclusions most stale and unprofitable."
-Conan Doyle, A Case of Identity

Deeds vs. McDonnell

Virginia Governor's Race 2009!!!!

Here's my opinion...

I appreciate McDonnell's stance on healthcare.

....more to come later after I have a chance to read more.

(P.S. this is written ONLY because I need it for a Digital Media class)

reminded that sophisticated prayers are not impressive. take away the compromise. restore Your kingdom.

redefine

"When my spirit was overwhelmed within me, then You knew my path." -Psalm 142:3


some thoughts I found written in a journal from over a year ago:
Becoming Redefined.
Words that used to define me are not going to fit anymore. Those things of the past are exactly that...the past...not to come with me into what's ahead. This is a journey, and I am in it for the long haul. No jumping ship. No getting in a little lifeboat to head back to shore. No to all of that. It's all or nothing.

So God, I ask that You would redefine me. Redefine me with Your words, with Your thoughts, with Your plans. Teach me how to rest in Your arms, cause that's where I'm dangerous. That's where I'm brilliant. That's where creativity and life flow from. That's where I want to live from and it's the place for which I want to be jealous...

in Your arms.

Home Alone quote...

Hey, I'm not afraid any more! I said I'm not afraid any more! Do you hear me? I'm not afraid any more!

Thoughts...

“I'm not some assignment; no, love is all I am.”-Dawes

“Don’t settle yourself for the wisdom of men.” -Jason Upton

“So high in their leafy silence, over kells, over Durrow as the Vikings raged south—the old monks made the alphabet wild:” -Eavan Boland

“That young man with the long, auburn hair and the impudent face—that young man was not really a poet; but surely he was a poem.” –G.K. Chesterton

“I don’t like formal gardens.” –Walt Disney

“We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.” –Hemmingway

“The reader’s job is to bring the black marks to life.” –Some professor on PBS

“World, I have overcome you…by my song and the blood of a son.” –John Mark McMillian

“Fairy tale, our love is a fairy tale, and it never has been told before.” –Frank Sinatra

“I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time.” –Hobbes (of calvin and…)

“To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.” –Mary Oliver

“Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.” –Mozart

“Where there is great love, there are always miracles.” –Willa Cather

“On the contrary compassion means going directly to those people and places where suffering is most acute and building a home there.” –Henri Nouwen

“He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” –Micah 6:8

Now my feet turn the corner back home
Sun turns the evening to rose
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved
-The weepies

“I’d like to know someone
Who knows deep where they come from.”
-Meg Hutcinson

“I just want to leave you with this thought, that it’s just been sort of a dress rehearsal, and we’re just getting started…we are just getting started.” –Walt Disney

Is. 42

Read Isaiah 42 tonight--it totally ministered to me...

Jesus is so so so so so beautiful.

"A bruised reed he will not break,
and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.
In faithfulness he will bring forth justice;

4 he will not falter or be discouraged
till he establishes justice on earth.
In his law the islands will put their hope."

His promises are incredible.

"I will take hold of your hand.
I will keep you and will make you
to be a covenant for the people
and a light for the Gentiles,

7 to open eyes that are blind,
to free captives from prison
and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness"

The new is coming because he said.

"See, the former things have taken place,
and new things I declare;
before they spring into being
I announce them to you."

Ah! The purpose of my life.

Sing to the LORD a new song,
his praise from the ends of the earth,
you who go down to the sea, and all that is in it,
you islands, and all who live in them.

11 Let the desert and its towns raise their voices;
let the settlements where Kedar lives rejoice.
Let the people of Sela sing for joy;
let them shout from the mountaintops.

12 Let them give glory to the LORD
and proclaim his praise in the islands.


Never alone.

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.

Quote from Moore

"The detachment of the artist is kind of creepy. It's kind of rude...it's closer to bad manners than to courage." -Lorrie Moore

haha. I like this quote.

Be Light in Darkness, but remember....

"The pursuit of truth is not license to be a jerk."
-Jack Fuller.

Quick Break

Skirting my chore of pumping my air mattress via a handheld pump for a few moments because my arms are tired (aka out of shape).

I CANNOT WAIT for the movie theatre in heaven. At this point in my life, I'm really looking forward to the Behind the Scenes parts...the chances I get to see how many times God had my back (and really all of me) without my awareness. Even though I can't wait to see that on the big screen up there with Abba, I don't want the revelation of His nearness and protection to wait til then...

So bring on the movie scene imaginations!

Back to pumping.

Ahhh! Craziness!!!

"an autograph is a moment frozen in time."

My grandpa wrote the letter in S12!!!!

http://beatlesautographs.com/Special_Items.htm

I was sitting

in my room the other day.

Wisdom was there with me, probing my brain. I was probing her's too. All of a sudden, I heard a knock on the door. I stood up, went to the door, and asked who it was. The voice said, "brokenness." I didn't know what to do. Should I let him in? Wisdom came up and tapped me on the shoulder. I looked over and she whispered, "You need to let him come in for a visit. Don't worry, he won't stay long. But you can learn a lot from him." So I let him in. I think his visit this time around is almost done. I know he'll be back around these parts one day. He's taught me a lot so far--lessons that are opening up my heart to a more vulnerable and whole place. I'm glad I listened to wisdom and didn't keep my door closed when he came knocking.

August 15, 2009 Matters in History

Tonight I decided...

"Not in my house."
-Dikembe Mutumbo


There are certain times in life where I've noticed this fight come out of me that says--that's NOT ALLOWED in my house, it's NOT ALLOWED in my life, it's NOT ALLOWED to go with me into my future. (that being many various things. for example: depression, insanity, confusion, fear, strife, manipulation, etc, etc, etc).

I can't make that decision for anyone else except of myself, but I am making that decision nonetheless.

And even if I stand alone, God is with me, and heaven notices.

I'm tired of you messing with my family.

you will not take advantage of this broken season. you will not steal hope or life from us. Where there is death, God is bringing a double portion of life, and you can't stop it. It might not happen the way I expect. It doesn't matter. My heart is resolved:

GOD IS GOOD
GOD IS FOR ME

My prayer:
Whatever is ahead, God, I say YES to you. I say You are trustworthy. I say You are perfect love.

I trust you to get me through this season. and the next. And the next. and the next. And the next. I trust that what You say about a city to come-a true homeland-is even more glorious than I can imagine.

YOU ARE GOOD.YOU ARE WORTH IT ALL.

True Story...

I am a messy eater.

10

Observation:

Grapes must be pressed to make wine.

Promise:

Joy comes with the morning.

Ahhh!

Does anyone else think that the "love stories" we get goosebumps and fantasies watching in the movie theatre would be absolutely creepy in real life?!?

Film Inspiration...

"I'm madly in love with you and it's not because of your brains or your personality." -Little Miss Sunshine

Thoughts, Thoughts, Thoughts...

"Go back to that Frederick Buechner quote, "there are all different kinds of voices calling you to all different kinds of work, and the problem is to find out which is the voice of God rather than that of Society, say, or the Superego, or S...elf-Interest." The strands invariably become more entwined as you get older. Please don't let me fool you into thinking the choices are ever simple ones." - steve duinRead More

Changes...

I'm starting to realize how deeply God is concerned about the positioning of my mind...what I think about indicates how healthy my mind really is...and health levels reflect wholeness levels.

He is making me whole. I am confident of this fact.

NOw the process...that's where I fall short of words. It's sloooooow sometimes, and then speedy other times.

I need to renew my mind. And that requires changes. Some are easy, others are hard. All are necessary.

I used to have as my headline quote something that JRR Tolkien said..."Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." Although I believe this, I don't feel like that's what I'm about right now. I want to be faithful. I want to be faithful because I love.

So I changed my headline to this:

"You were made perfectly to be loved - and surely I have loved you, in the idea of you, my whole life long." -Elizabeth Barrett Browning

I want to live as somebody loved. I want my mind to be renewed so that it thinks like somebody perfectly loved. I want my lifestyle to be one of someone who is perfectly loved.

Amen :-)

Quia amasti me, fecisti me amabilem...

"In loving me, you made me lovable.

9

Observation:

Paul talks A LOT about a city to come...his real home...my real home.

"Therefore Jesus also, that He might sanctify the people with His own blood, suffered outside the gate. Therefore let us go forth to Him, outside the camp, bearing His reproach. For here we have no continuing city, but we seek the one to come." Hebrews 13:12-14


"These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them,[c] embraced them and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth. 14 For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland. 15 And truly if they had called to mind that country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them."Hebrews 11:13-16

I wonder what life circumstances got him to the point of being able to write like this....All I know is that when I read those passages, my heart feels so much peace and anticipation not just for what is to come, but for what I do in the now. I want to live as a stranger and a pilgrim on the earth--I want to live knowing that there is a homeland to which I am headed--a place where I will find the perfect fit. Until then, may I be found faithful so that God is not ashamed to be called my God. ♥

8

Observation(s) in the middle of the night...

Rain falls on the just and the unjust.

Summer is almost over. I need to go catch some fireflys.

Forts are awesome. I think it would be cool to build one and then take a plain canvas and smatter it with colorful buckets of paint. Therapy comes in random ways...

The clutter of attics and basements and sheds will always give me the thrill of adventure.

Russia fascinates me.

It is hard to draw a line in the sand. But until I do, I just keep going in circles. And that only produces dizziness and nausea. Which is better? Courage or safety? I don't like throwing up.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting...


Thought:
I read something in a book the other day (called The Thirteenth Tale). A line got me dreaming...

"So they became friends, the way old couples often do, and enjoyed the tender loyalty that awaits the lucky on the other side of passion."

Selah.

7

Observation:
It's 1 am. I have to wake up early.

Promise:
Life is happier (and more coherent) after a good night's rest.

Thought:
G'night. Sleep tight. Dream lovely dreams.

6

Observation:
People are not perfect.
But for some reason I find it very easy to start judging them as if I am perfect.

Promise:
Amazingly, people are not perfect and never will be perfect (and yes, I fit into this category. I am not an exception even if my delusions suggest otherwise.)

Thought:
“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.” (-Thomas Merton) Right on. There is much more to be said on this topic, and it's probably because I've found myself finding fault in others way too often lately, making this a prominent subject on my heart.

5

Observation:
Apparently I'm not good at setting boundaries. (This can be expounded on for...as long as...my whole life story).

Promise:
That's not good :-) haha. It'll wear me out.

Thought:
Gotta get with Abba and see what He is saying so I can adjust and align with a lifestyle that mirrors Him...

4

Observation:
Seasons come that you just weren't expecting. Kinda like a storm on sea when you left the harbor with clear skies. Most of the time, at least for me, I've watched other people go through those same seasons before me and thought to myself that I would never have to walk through those things.

Promise:
That's life, and it's not the last time I'll be caught by surprise.

Thought:
I should invest in a full season of I Love Lucy. Or maybe those cartoons I loved as a kid! Laughing makes things so much better.

3

Observation:
I can't figure out how to measure pain. And if it can't be measured, how do you know what it takes to get it healed?

Promise:
He is faithful. And He knows me through and through. And it's okay that I'm weak...because then in my inadequacy he gets to be strong.

A Thought:
"Love is a good medicine." -Rick Pino lyrics

2

Observation:
Learning how to capture and preserve moments requires tenderness and discipline.

Promise:
It's not as far off a goal as I think. But it still requires discipline, which is a lifelong thing.

A Thought to Ponder:
“Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, that without distance closeness cannot cure” -Henri Nouwen

1

Observation:
Our minds need healing.

Promise:
What was broken is being made whole.

Thought:
Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, in whose heart are the highways to Zion! Passingthrough the valley of Baca {Weeping} they make it a spring; The early rain also covers it withblessings. They go from strength to strength, every one of them appears before God in Zion.
(Psalm 84) Selah.

Beautiful Love Letter

A love letter, written by Elizabeth Browning.

"No one is like you" Ever tenderest, kindest, and most beloved, I thank you from the quick of my heart, where the thought of you lives constantly ! In this world full of sadness, of which I have had my part, full of sadness and bitterness and wrong, full of most ghastly contrasts of life and death, strength and weakness side by side, it is too much to have you to hold by as the river rushes on, too much good, too much grace for such as I, as I feel always, and cannot cease to feel! . . . I pour out my thoughts to you, dearest dearest, as if it were right to think of doing myself that good and relief, than of you who have to read all. But you spoil me into an excess of liberty by your tenderness. Best in the world ! Oh, you help me to live ! I am better and lighter since I have drawn near to you even on this paper; already 1 am better and lighter, and now I am going to dream of you, to meet you on some mystical landing-place, in order to be quite well to-morrow. Oh, we are so selfish on this earth that nothing grieves us very long, let it be ever so grievous, unless we are touched in ourselves in the apple of our eye, in the quick of our heart, in what you are, and where you are, my own dearest beloved! So you need not be afraid for me. We all look to our own as I hold you; the thunderbolts may strike the tops of the cedars, and, except in the first start, none of us be moved. True it is of me, not of you perhaps; certainly you are better than I in all things. Best in the world, you are; no one is like you. Can you read what I have written? Do not love me less! Do you think that I cannot feel you love me through all this distance? If you loved me less I should know without a word or a sign. Because I live by your loving me.

"Ever, ever dearest!" How I thank you for your letter, aver beloved ! You were made perfectly to be loved, and surely I have loved you, in the idea Of you, my whole life long. Did I tell you that before, so often as I have thought it ? It is that which makes me take it all as visionary good, for when one's ideal comes down to one and walks besides one suddenly, what is it possible to do but to cry out, " a dream"? You are the best, best, and if you loved me only and altogether for pity (and I think that, more than you think, the sentiment operated on your gentle, chivalrous nature), and if you professed it to me and proved it, and I knew it absolutely, what then? As long as it was love, should I accept it less gladly, do you imagine, because of the root? Should I think it less a gift ? Should I be less grateful, or more ? Ah, I have my theory of causation about it all; but we need not dispute, and will not, on any such metaphysics. Your loving me is enough to satisfy me, and if you did it because I sat rather on a green chair than a yellow one, it would be enough still for me, only it would not for you, because your motives are as worthy as your acts, dearest! ... As for happiness, the words which you use so tenderly are in my heart already, making me happy. I am happy by you. Also, I may say solemnly that the greatest proof of love I could give you is to be happy because of you, and even you cannot judge and see how great a proof that is. You have lifted my very soul up into the light of your soul, and I am not ever likely to mistake it for the common daylight. May God bless you, ever, ever dearest!

Isaiah 58:11

My convo with God tonight...

Me: "Hey...um....I'm more messed up than I realized." .tears.

Him: Silence.

Me: Open Bible.

Him: Points my eyes to Isaiah 58:11. (Literally, that's the only verse I could even read on the page. The rest disappeared.)


The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.


Me: "Woah."

Him: A smile. Twinkle in the eyes, too.

Me: *sigh* (Big one).There are more for me than against me. I'm not alone. Thank You, Abba, for that great big hug. ♥

Incomprehensible.

I'm in the execution chair, about to die. He comes over. He picks me up. I want to hug him through my tears of relief. But he sits in the chair instead. I watch him take my punishment. How do I say thank you?

Selah.

He paid what I owed with His life--so I could be made whole. And then He came back--offering fullness of life. A mystery. One I want to embrace. The Spirit moving through me, changing me, shaping me, renewing within me a right spirit.

Nothing needs to faze me now. "I'm absolutely convinced that nothing--nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable--absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Mater has embraced us." (romans 8, the message)

You Make Me Smile...

song by Uncle Kracker

You're better then the best
I'm lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow, that's right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me,
Lets me know that it's ok, yeah it's ok
And the moments where my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Even when you're gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

Don't know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed, sing like bird
Dizzy in my head, spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold, buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh, you make me smile

I'm So Glad I Got to Know Someone Like You.

"I don't know how,
to say what i'm feeling.
I don't have words,
to write you a song..."

_______________________________________________________







Dear Mr. Niall Booth,

I will never forget your kindness. I once read, "They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel." That doesn't apply to you. I won't forget how you made me feel, but I also won't forget what you said. Your accent made words stick in my head...and some of those words made their way permanently into my heart. I will backpack through Europe--and you're the one who fueled that dream--who challenged me to not let life pass me by. You modeled that for everyone who knew you. Life didn't pass you by. "Things" didn't matter that much to you...you knew they were temporary...that people were more important. You lived to the hilt the moments you were given. And the way you made people feel--encouraging them, going out of your way to help them, finding funny things to say to lighten the mood--you were a life giver. You loved people in a way that made Jesus smile so big...and all the while you were loving on Him. Your courage and compassion continue to inspire.

Thank you for the honor of letting me into your life--of giving me the chance to know you. You've impacted so many people's lives. I'm one of many. And that legacy continues.

I don't really know what else to say. I'm sure there's tons more...

But here's to the Epopees yet to come. You're experiencing the best one right now.

Cheers & Love,
Caitlin
___________________________________________________

My friend Mr. Niall Booth died this morning in a helicopter crash. He has a beautiful family. We will miss him deeply.
____________________________________________________

"...but i have this hope and i have this prayer,
and i am believing....
Your words are true,
You never leave us alone.
Now every tear saved through the years in memory's bottle
becomes the fine wine, You serve to the children of God." (J.Upton)

Abba, thank you for never leaving us alone.

Absence makes the heart grow...

"Always toward absent lovers love's tide stronger flows." -Sextus Propertius

Not sure what I think...

Favorite Lyrics Right Now

1492 by Alexander (album: white flags and silver spoons)

If I had to guess what it was/ That was going through the mind of Christopher Columbus/ The seven seas and Antoinette/ As her glory filled the ballroom/ The waves she cast upon the peasants kings and all who/ Beheld her there, he stood and stared/ And killed her with kindness, kindness/ And I know he could not have been prepared for/ The distance he would travel for his love/ He would have you think/ His claim was for Spain/ But all the while he knew that/ He knew it was all for her

"Totally, like, whatever you know?"

“
In case you hadn’t noticed,
it has somehow become uncool
to sound like you know what you’re talking about?
Or believe strongly in what you’re saying?
Invisible question marks and parenthetical (you know?)’s
have been attaching themselves to the ends of our sentences?
Even when those sentences aren’t, like, questions? You know?

Declarative sentences - so-called
because they used to, like, DECLARE things to be true
as opposed to other things which were, like, not -
have been infected by a totally hip
and tragically cool interrogative tone? You know?
Like, don’t think I’m uncool just because I’ve noticed this;
this is just like the word on the street, you know?
It’s like what I’ve heard?
I have nothing personally invested in my own opinions, okay?
I’m just inviting you to join me in my uncertainty?

What has happened to our conviction?
Where are the limbs out on which we once walked?
Have they been, like, chopped down
with the rest of the rain forest?
Or do we have, like, nothing to say?
Has society become so, like, totally …
I mean absolutely … You know?
That we’ve just gotten to the point where it’s just, like …
whatever!

And so actually our disarticulation … ness
is just a clever sort of … thing
to disguise the fact that we’ve become
the most aggressively inarticulate generation
to come along since …
you know, a long, long time ago!

I entreat you, I implore you, I exhort you,
I challenge you: To speak with conviction.
To say what you believe in a manner that bespeaks
the determination with which you believe it.
Because contrary to the wisdom of the bumper sticker,
it is not enough these days to simply QUESTION AUTHORITY.
You have to speak with it, too.

”

- taylor mali

it was all for her

If I had to guess what it was/ That was going through the mind of Christopher Columbus/ The seven seas and Antoinette/ As her glory filled the ballroom/ The waves she cast upon the peasants kings and all who/ Beheld her there, he stood and stared/ And killed her with kindness, kindness/ And I know he could not have been prepared for/ The distance he would travel for his love/ He would have you think/ His claim was for Spain/ But all the while he knew that/ He knew it was all for her.

-1492 lyrics by Ryan Alexander

xoxo

"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone."
-Audrey Hepburn

"We fight not for glory nor for wealth nor honour, but only and alone we fight for freedom which no good man surrenders but with his life."
-Robert the Bruce

re-build

We build.

Erecting edifices around ourselves, constructing mighty castles —our very own kingdom.

(And Who doesn’t want their own kingdom? )

The materials are tried and true. broken dreams, resentment, disappointment, heartache, anger, shame, competition. They’ve existed…for too many generations to count. And somehow the material finds a way to take on a life of its own, growing stronger as time passes, finding a way to control the fabric of our being.

These sturdy walls—they keep us safe—

or so we think.

In the twists and turns life takes, we find ways to not hurt—to stay away from situations that could break our hearts. We become master manipulators in this game of survival. We build stronger castles. We find traditions and rituals to hold onto—to cling to when things get shaky—to keep things from getting shaky in the first place. We keep people out.

But

Not every kingdom is good. Not every tower is safe. Not every tradition is conducted in freedom.

So much energy goes into trying to convince ourselves that we are ok, when what our heart really needs is to know is...

that there is something more…

that freedom isn’t just a word.

And that’s why the breaking brings the healing. We need the breaking. It is essential.

Brokenness that unmasks our fears, our shame, our ways of control.

Maybe we’re afraid that God grows tired of us—that we need these castles because maybe He really isn’t as sufficient as He claims. Maybe this anger will protect us because what if he does become tired of fighting for us, of rescuing us, of bending down in his greatness to kiss broken humanity?

Our culture would agree. When people grow old, we toss them away. Isn’t that how God works too?

Yet He says that He is not man.

Maybe we don’t believe forever is possible. We’ve seen that people stick around for a while, but eventually love fades away. Maybe it’s the same with God, sticking around for a while, but eventually moving on.

Yet, even when we find ourselves thickly caught in the most solid of defenses, there is something inside that says forever IS real.

There really is a commitment that is stronger than death, more jealous than the grave, sturdier than the mountains.

It must be real. Because why else would we need a way to sedate ourselves when the ideal of forever gets betrayed?

Maybe the problem is where we are searching for that forever.

We search for the satisfaction of forever thinking it is found in the earth. Turning to other lovers who only disappoint, we think the only release from the pain is to build our kingdoms.

So we take up residence in the castles.

But if these castles are supposed to keep us so safe, why are we so miserable?

AH! We weren’t fashioned for a counterfeit freedom—a counterfeit love. We weren’t made for cheap. The cheap stuff isn’t supposed to satisfy!!! It can’t!

Deception keeps us in relationship with the counterfeit. It makes us think that the cheap is all we are worth. It makes us comfortable in the junk.

GOD, would you break the foundations of the kingdoms that we’ve made?!? The ones that keep us from You? That keep us from eternal life? That keep us from seeing your face? The cheap doesn’t satisfy. The counterfeit only robs. Deception keeps us from realizing the chains. We need real freedom. Only You can do that in our lives.

Take our buildings.
Break them.
re-build us to look like You.

remembering

Sometimes I wonder if it is strange that I like to document things in an almost obsessive manner. Give me a camera and I won't stop taking pictures. Put a camcorder in my hands and the record button will be on constant red. Give me a journal and pen, and my hands won't be able to stop writing until I've made sure the details are there.

I wonder if it's because I don't trust myself to remember. And there are some things that I don't want to ever forget.

i don't want to forget the way dirt roads feel when you drive on them. the way i had to cross over a body of water to get to a village that is only accessible in low tide. how the sun sets are different every night. the look in the eyes of the man on the street when we told him God loves him even if he smokes. how thankful the wife was when we prayed for her marriage. the love in the hugs of the people. the taste of tostones con queso. how much fun it is to make friends with random school groups that are visiting an active volcanoe at the same time as you, and somehow you get the chance to tell them you have the best dad in the whole world. teamwork. prophecy. healing. learning how to love more deeply. seeing into eyes that are full of joy even in poverty. hearing the word thank you when you barely did anything to help. being stretched in speaking spanish. finding out home isn't necessarily a place. learning how to see more clearly...to look more closely. recognizing that you can't be offered til you're broken. learning that the climb up requires a lot of laying down. volcanoes. mountain hikes. mosquitoes. miracles. restored hearts. deliverance. healings. protection. provision. divine knowledge.

I don't want to forget how faithful God is and how good He is to open our eyes up to see His beauty.

"Here everything is extraordinary"

"Everything in Christ astonishes me. His spirit overawes me, and his will confounds me. Between him and whoever else in the world, there is no possible term of comparison. He is truly a being by himself...I serach in vain in history to find the similar to Jesus Christ, or anything that can approach the gospel. Neither history, nor humanity, nor the ages, nor nature, offer me anything iwht which I am able to compare it or to explain it. Here everything is extraordinary."
-Napoleon

to life!

Active Volcano!

No joke. This thing was oozing out the smell of sulfur. I was coughing during most of the walk up to the volcano, but I would never trade that trip for anything. It was incredible.

Faith

Pastor Roberto. One of the most precious men I know.

Grace

A group of us passed this guy on the street. Stopping to say hello, we decided to sit down next to him for a chat. He was more than happy for the company. As we talked with him about Jesus, he said he couldn't receive such a gift...that he wasn't worthy of such a friend. He shared that he smoked. In his heart, he believed that before he could come to God, his life needed to be sorted out.

We prayed with him for about 15 minutes. We prayed for his heart, his eyesight, his regrets. He cried. He smiled. He thanked us. We thanked Jesus.

In the course of that time, I pray that God let him know His love.

As I walked away from that encounter, I thought about in my own life. Do I live in a way that says, "God will only help those who help themselves"? And if so, how is that grace? How is that really believing that Jesus died to allow a way for sinners to join Him at the banqueting table? Why do I often think I have to clean myself up before I can come before Him?

Just some things that got me thinking.

Tenderness

When we travelled into a barrio to gather people together for a meeting, a lot of children showed up. There was so much excitement in all of the kid's eyes. But as I looked over the fence that separated the house we were at from the rest of the community, I noticed a teenage boy standing up against a wooden support. His face was stoic. However, he was listening. As I glanced over at him, my heart felt a heavy burden-- God was up to something. Our team was about to leave, when I leaned over to my friend and asked if he would go pray for the young man. He went over. As they prayed, this young guy's countenance changed. He made Jesus his Savior that day. I don't know exactly what was going on in his life, but I know he was in a desperate state when he arrived. It was such an honor to be there at the right time and the right place, and to get to witness with heaven the transformation that occured in just a few short minutes. God is so big.

lifeloveshoes

Majesty

Some people say it's a waste of time to dream. But I say they didn't take time to see. Cause once you look around, there's no way you can believe that God isn't a dreamer.




"The quality of mercy is not strained.
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven...
And earthly power doth then show likest God's
When mercy seasons justice."
-Shakespeare

Poe.

Annabel Lee

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea,
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsmen came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulcher
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes! that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we,
Of many far wiser than we;
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;

For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling-my darling-my life and my bride,
In the sepulcher there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

Can we really speak?

here is a daily meditation by henri nowen that I read. I'm not sure what the title is, but it's really good stuff:

"Can we only speak when we are fully living what we are saying? If all our words had to cover all our actions, we would be doomed to permanent silence!

Sometimes we are called to proclaim God's love even when we are not yet fully
able to live it. Does that mean we are hypocrites? Only when our own words no longer call us to conversion. Nobody completely lives up to his or her own ideals and visions. But by proclaiming our ideals and visions with great
conviction and great humility, we may gradually grow into the truth we speak.

As long as we know that our lives always will speak louder than our words, we can trust that our words will remain humble."

See How My Eyes Tell This Story

"I have looked into your eyes with my eyes. I have put my heart near your heart." [Pope John XXIII]





Nicaragua,

You are beautiful. Thank you for giving me a chance to see your heart. I will never be the same. Be like those who dream. ♥

Faces I'll Never Forget

Ah beauty!

And the Father RAN....

"But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. And how would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything....

But when he CAME TO HIMSELF, he said, 'How many of my father's hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!'

'I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants."'

And he arose and came to his father.

But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and RAN and fell on his neck and kissed him.

And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.' But the father said to his servants, 'Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' And they began to be merry."

Luke 15:11-24
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Abba, will you embrace this prodigal nation when we come to our senses? Will you remember Your covenant?