I have the most incredible friends in the world.

"what can I do to say thank You?  What can I do to say I love You?"

learning to
love deeper.  trust always.  think only on what is good, pure, lovely, of good report.  fight for what really matters.

there's a greater glory to come.  the latter is greater than the former.

beauty out of ashes.

that's the way of the Kingdom.

that's the heart of the King.

devoutly hopeful

The unexpected path, unchartered land.  They are always finding me.  There is something about the unknown that is hopeful.  It holds within it a future that's not yet decided, which means a chance for things to be different.  It summons the pioneer in me--the part of my heart that isn't willing to let the story be finished with a sentence of defeat because I've experienced too much good to believe this is all there is to the story.

Even if my family occupies the gossip train for the rest of our lives, while everyone is whispering the once closely held secrets of all that we didn't know how to hide, I'm going to let the shame stay here in this city while I put on my traveler's bag once again and head towards water.  The shame can't come with me.  It's not part of my name.   I'll find a way to harness all the things that feel broken and confused into something that brings life and healing to others, and the story is going to be one of strength to strength, glory to glory.

Time for a new chapter.

What's been invested was not a waste.  Only heaven can truly understand these tensions we live in, the ones for which we try so hard to find reasonable explanations.  What's done is done, but it wasn't a waste.    

No regret.  Just hope, faith, love.

These are the times I get to experience what those words really mean, as they become verbs I get to live, not just words I fit into sentences to sound spiritual.

Selah.

"I Thirst", written by Mother Teresa

It is true. I stand at the door of your heart, day and night. Even when you are not listening, even when you doubt it could be Me, I am there. I await even the smallest sign of your response, even the least whispered invitation that will allow Me to enter.

And I want you to know that whenever you invite Me, I do come – always, without fail. Silent and unseen I come, but with infinite power and love, and bringing the many gifts of My Spirit. I come with My mercy, with My desire to forgive and heal you, and with a love for you beyond your comprehension – a love every bit as great as the love I have received from the Father ("As much as the Father has loved me, I have loved you…" (Jn. 15:10) I come - longing to console you and give you strength, to lift you up and bind all your wounds. I bring you My light, to dispel your darkness and all your doubts. I come with My power, that I might carry you and all your burdens; with My grace, to touch your heart and transform your life; and My peace I give to still your soul.

I know you through and through. I know everything about you. The very hairs of your head I have numbered. Nothing in your life is unimportant to Me. I have followed you through the years, and I have always loved you – even in your wanderings. I know every one of your problems. I know your needs and your worries. And yes, I know all your sins. But I tell you again that I love you – not for what you have or haven’t done – I love you for you, for the beauty and dignity My Father gave you by creating you in His own image. It is a dignity you have often forgotten, a beauty you have tarnished by sin. But I love you as you are, and I have shed My Blood to win you back. If you only ask Me with faith, My grace will touch all that needs changing in your life, and I will give you the strength to free yourself from sin and all its destructive power.

I know what is in your heart – I know your loneliness and all your hurts – the rejections, the judgments, the humiliations, I carried it all before you. And I carried it all for you, so you might share My strength and victory. I know especially your need for love – how you are thirsting to be loved and cherished. But how often have you thirsted in vain, by seeking that love selfishly, striving to fill the emptiness inside you with passing pleasures – with the even greater emptiness of sin. Do you thirst for love? "Come to Me all you who thirst…" (Jn. 7: 37). I will satisfy you and fill you. Do you thirst to be cherished? I cherish you more than you can imagine – to the point of dying on a cross for you.

I Thirst for You. Yes, that is the only way to even begin to describe My love for you. I THIRST FOR YOU. I thirst to love you and to be loved by you – that is how precious you are to Me. I THIRST FOR YOU. Come to Me, and I will fill your heart and heal your wounds. I will make you a new creation, and give you peace, even in all your trials I THIRST FOR YOU. You must never doubt My mercy, My acceptance of you, My desire to forgive, My longing to bless you and live My life in you. I THIRST FOR YOU. If you feel unimportant in the eyes of the world, that matters not at all. For Me, there is no one any more important in the entire world than you. I THIRST FOR YOU. Open to Me, come to Me, thirst for Me, give me your life – and I will prove to you how important you are to My Heart.

Don’t you realize that My Father already has a perfect plan to transform your life, beginning from this moment? Trust in Me. Ask Me every day to enter and take charge of your life. – and I will. I promise you before My Father in heaven that I will work miracles in your life. Why would I do this? Because I THIRST FOR YOU. All I ask of you is that you entrust yourself to Me completely. I will do all the rest.

Even now I behold the place My Father has prepared for you in My Kingdom. Remember that you are a pilgrim in this life, on a journey home. Sin can never satisfy you, or bring the peace you seek. All that you have sought outside of Me has only left you more empty, so do not cling to the things of this life. Above all, do not run from Me when you fall. Come to Me without delay. When you give Me your sins, you gave Me the joy of being your Savior. There is nothing I cannot forgive and heal; so come now, and unburden your soul.

No matter how far you may wander, no matter how often you forget Me, no matter how many crosses you may bear in this life; there is one thing I want you to always remember, one thing that will never change. I THIRST FOR YOU – just as you are. You don’t need to change to believe in My love, for it will be your belief in My love that will change you. You forget Me, and yet I am seeking you every moment of the day – standing at the door of your heart and knocking. Do you find this hard to believe? Then look at the cross, look at My Heart that was pierced for you. Have you not understood My cross? Then listen again to the words I spoke there – for they tell you clearly why I endured all this for you: "I THIRST…"(Jn 19: 28). Yes, I thirst for you – as the rest of the psalm – verse I was praying says of Me: "I looked for love, and I found none…" (Ps. 69: 20). All your life I have been looking for your love – I have never stopped seeking to love you and be loved by you. You have tried many other things in your search for happiness; why not try opening your heart to Me, right now, more than you ever have before.

Whenever you do open the door of your heart, whenever you come close enough, you will hear Me say to you again and again, not in mere human words but in spirit. "No matter what you have done, I love you for your own sake Come to Me with your misery and your sins, with your troubles and needs, and with all your longing to be loved. I stand at the door of your heart and knock. Open to Me, for I THIRST FOR YOU…"

---

"Jesus is God, therefore His love, His Thirst, is infinite. He the creator of the universe,
asked for the love of His creatures.
He thirst for our love… These words:
‘I Thirst’ –
Do they echo in our souls?”

Mother Teresa

some thoughts from Albert Einstein

"My Dear Children:

I rejoice to see you before me today, happy youth of a sunny and fortunate land.

Bear in mind that the wonderful things you learn in your schools are the work of many generations, produced by enthusiastic effort and infinite labor in every country of the world.  All this is put into your hands as your inheritance in order that you may receive it, honor it, add to it, and one day faithfully hand it on to your children.  Thus do we mortals achieve immortality in the permanent things which we create in common.

If you always keep that in mind you will find a meaning in life and work and acquire the right attitude toward other nations and ages."


"...the great moral teachers of humanity were, in a way, artistic geniuses in the art of living.  In addition to the most elementary precepts directly motivated by the preservation of life and the sparing of unnecessary suffering, there are others to which, although they are apparently not quite commensurable to the basic precepts, we nevertheless attach considerable importance.  Should truth, for instance, be sought unconditionally even where its attainment and its accessibility to all would entail heavy sacrifices in toil and happiness?  There are many such questions which, from a rational vantage point, cannot be easily answered or cannot be answered at all.  Yet, I do not think that the so-called "relativistic" viewpoint is correct, not even when dealing with the more subtle moral decisions.

When considering the actual living conditions of present-day civilized humanity from the standpoint of even the most elementary religious commands, one is bound to experience a feeling of deep and painful disappointment at what one sees.  For while religion prescribes brotherly love in the relations among the individuals and groups, the actual spectacle more resembles a battlefield than an orchestra.  Everywhere, in economic as well as in political life, the guiding principle is one of ruthless striving for success at the expense of one's fellow-men.  This competitive spirit prevails even in school and, destroying all feelings of human fraternity and cooperation, conceives of achievement not as derived form the love for production and thoughtful work, but as springing from personal ambition and fear of rejection.

There are pessimists who hold that such a state of affairs is necessarily inherent in human nature; it is those who propound such views that are the enemies of true religion, for they imply thereby that religious teachings are utopian ideals and unsuited to afford guidance in human affairs.  The study of the social patterns in certain so-called primitive cultures, however, seems to have made it sufficiently evident that such a defeatist view is wholly unwarranted.  Whoever is concerned with this problem, a crucial one in the study of religion as such, is advised to read the description of the Pueblo Indians in Ruth Benedict's book, Patterns of Culture.  Under the hardest living conditions, this tribe has apparently accomplished the difficult task of delivering its people from the scourge of competitive spirit and of fostering in it a temperate, cooperative conduct of life, free of external pressure and without any curtailment of happiness.

The interpretation of religion, as here advanced, implies a dependence of science on the religious attitude, a relation which, in our predominantly materialistic age, is only too easily overlooked..."

Simple Life lyrics, 
The Weepies


When I get up in the morning, put the kettle on
Make us some coffee, say hey to the sun
Is it enough to write a song, and sing it to the birds
They'd hear just the tune, not understand my love for words

But you would hear me and know...
That I want to live this
I want to live
I want to live a simple life

I dreamed you first, but not so real
And every day since I found you, such moments we steal
Like little fields, we rub our hands
And hold our hearts between them

But will you hear me and know...
That I want to live this
I want to live
I want to live a simple life

Move on, move on, time is accelerating
Drive on, all night, traffic lights and one ways
Move on, move on parking violations waiting
Turn off the car, breathe the air, let's stay here

I'll kiss you awake, and we'll have time
To know our neighbors all by name, and every star at night
We'll weave our days together like waves, and particles of light

I want to live this
I want to live
I want to live a simple life
I want to live this
I want to live
I want to live a simple life

"I want to love you, like nobody's ever loved you before..."

Recently, I've been immersed in the study of things like atoms, electrons, protons, neutrons.  These are all new words and concepts for my literature-minded brain, but learning a "new language" is apparently good for you, which is exactly what this feels like (verdict is still out on the whole "good for you" part).

As I was thinking about an atom today, my thoughts turned to Jesus.  In the midst of this hunt for knowledge and understanding, all of which are God given abilities and can even be worship when done to glorify Him, there is still the reality that we will never know everything.  Ever.  And the more we learn, the more we should (if we're honest) acknowledge how little we know.  So there must be more to learning than just acquiring new information.  There must be more to the story than just accumulating head knowledge to impress others or get ahead in life.  Those things seem to deliver a consistent lack of fulfillment anyways.  So what is the big picture?

I feel like the search to know things can be beautifully intercepted and enveloped by a new, consuming search to find God.  And in that searching, He is fully engaged and ready to reveal His heart and mysteries.  We search for mysteries, and at the end of the search, the point of the journey seems to be relationship--to know God in ways that are beautifully paradoxical to all of our ways.  (Sounds a little bit like friendship, eh?)

In that big picture, where do we fit?  How does our story even matter, when God is so big and we are so small?  Well, that's where my thoughts returned to the atom.  Every tiny atom is important in the make-up of all things.  The number electrons on an atom affect how it will react with other substances, and the number of protons give it definition.  Without all of those tiny parts that can't even be seen with the eye, the things that can be seen wouldn't exist.  So it goes with us, I think.  Our story may be one of billions, in addition to the billions who have lived before us, yet it matters.  In the big picture of things, our story matters more than we even understand.  How we choose to live will in some way affect generations to come, whether for good or bad.

There is something weighty about that, but not in a depressing way.  It's weighty in a joyful, purpose giving way.  To know that the story our lives are writing is situated within a bigger story, yet that our smaller part can actually start waves that ripple throughout eternity--there is something incredibly inspiring about that.  That in our compassion, our faith, our loyalty, our kindness, our integrity, our courage, our creativity, our fight for justice, righteousness, purity; in our love...there is something shifting not just our present atmosphere in the culture, but in fact the atmospheres to come.  Just think: how is it that the stories of heroes from hundreds and thousands of years ago can inspire in a way that makes you feel like they are your best friends, your mentors?  Their lives were captured within the bigger story, yet with their lives, they decided to influence the bigger story with intentional living.

These are just thoughts that have been running in my mind today as I've been asking Jesus to give me insight into my part to play--into how I can love Him in a way that only I can, because there is only one of me.  And with my life, I want to bring Him praise, regardless of what others around me are doing.  With my one little life, I can set a tone that can impact generations to come.  It is my design to set the pace, to bring the influence of heaven down on the time line of history. It is in my DNA, as a new creation, to be led by the wind of the Spirit, not tossed by the fads and ups and downs of everything around me.  It is in my right and inheritance as a daughter of God to be the fork in the road--a life that calls others higher just because I'm so in love with Him.  But I don't really think the point, at the end of the day, is really to change the world.  The point is to be God's friend, and in that place of loving, to obey whatever He says...and you obey because you couldn't imagine living any other way.

Hosea 2...

^14-15 "And now, here's what I'm going to do: 
   I'm going to start all over again.
I'm taking her back out into the wilderness 
   where we had our first date, and I'll court her.
I'll give her bouquets of roses. 
   I'll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope.
She'll respond like she did as a young girl, 
   those days when she was fresh out of Egypt.

 ^16-20 "At that time"—this is God's Message still—
   "you'll address me, 'Dear husband!'
Never again will you address me,
   'My slave-master!'
I'll wash your mouth out with soap,
   get rid of all the dirty false-god names,
   not so much as a whisper of those names again.
At the same time I'll make a peace treaty between you
   and wild animals and birds and reptiles,
And get rid of all weapons of war.
   Think of it! Safe from beasts and bullies!
And then I'll marry you for good—forever!
   I'll marry you true and proper, in love and tenderness.
Yes, I'll marry you and neither leave you nor let you go.
   You'll know me, God, for who I really am.

 ^21-23 "On the very same day, I'll answer"—this is God's Message—
   "I'll answer the sky, sky will answer earth,
Earth will answer grain and wine and olive oil,
   and they'll all answer Jezreel.
I'll plant her in the good earth.
   I'll have mercy on No-Mercy.
I'll say to Nobody, 'You're my dear Somebody,'
   and he'll say 'You're my God!'"