No Turning Back

I have decided to follow Jesus;
I have decided to follow Jesus;
I have decided to follow Jesus;
No turning back, no turning back.

Though I may wonder, I still will follow;
Though I may wonder, I still will follow;
Though I may wonder, I still will follow;
No turning back, no turning back.

The world behind me, the cross before me;
The world behind me, the cross before me;
The world behind me, the cross before me;
No turning back,no turning back.

Though none go with me, still I will follow;
Though none go with me, still I will follow;
Though none go with me, still I will follow;
No turning back, no turning back.

Will you decide now to follow Jesus?
Will you decide now to follow Jesus?
Will you decide now to follow Jesus?
No turning back, no turning back.

Rejection--Demotion or Promotion?

"A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master." -Matthew 10:24


"He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief..." -Isaiah 52:13

Honestly, I don't know anyone who thinks that rejection is the greatest feeling in the world. Most people, including myslef, don't enjoy getting rejected...or the knife that feels like it's slashing through your stomach when you know you're not accepted. Sometimes I try to figure out why I dislike it so much. Probably a psychologist or counselor could give a studious answer to that question, yet all I can come up with is that being misunderstood and not accepted can be tough.

Yet, Jesus let's me know in His own words that I am going to experience rejection in this life...and not just once, but often. Opposition comes with obedience. People are not always going to understand me when I am obeying the voice of my Father and Best Friend--and the hardest part of that is when those people are close friends or family members (people I expect to love me the most and believe in me the greatest) or an extremely influential and persuasive culture. Still, God calls me to a place of abandonment to His voice, and His voice alone--laying down my human desires for a good reputation and a comfortable existence and pleasing man at His feet.

Which is exactly why rejection is good for me--and why God doesn't protect me from feeling the pain of rejection. In the midst of the pain, I find clarity for what this life is really about. Jesus knew rejection well, especially in the moments of being nailed to the cross. But He already died to Himself a billion times before that moment, making His ministry what it was--bold, lovingly aggressive, and completely submitted to the voice of His Father. Rejection pushed Him through the cross, making His soul and flesh submit to His spirit as He chose the treasures of heaven over the treasures of this temporary life. His message would have never been effective if He was busy protecting Himself. I imagine if that was His priority, He could have lived a very obscure and non-confrontational life as a simple carpenter in His little town of Nazareth. But He knew there was more required of Him--and that the more would require sacrifice...but out of a heart burning with love for His Father and for the people who would be changed because of His obedience.

So...I'm not able to honestly say that I'm at a place of being so dead to myself and alive to the way God operates that I don't even fear rejection anymore. But I am learning that when I choose to let rejection take me not just to the cross, but through the cross (into abundant life), the Kingdom of God becomes more real to me...and the kind of life that is available because of Christ's sacrifice becomes something that I would rather have a billion times over the approval and acceptance of man. On the other side of obedience there is blessing--the blessing of nations becoming my inheritance. And on the other side of death to self is the promise of Resurrection Life.

Conscious Restored to a Nation

Then Queen Esther answered and said, “If I have found favor in your sight, O king, and if it pleases the king, let my life be given me at my petition, and my people at my request. For we have been sold, my people and I, to be destroyed, to be killed, and to be annihilated. Had we been sold as male and female slaves, I would have held my tongue, although the enemy could never compensate for the king’s loss.”

Esther had to make a choice--to give her life completely for the call of God, or live for her own pleasure and comfort as a queen.

"If I perish, I perish."

That was her choice. She cared more about obeying a higher authority than yielding to fear. That choice got her positioned so that she could challenge unrighteousness in a kingdom--and restore the conscience of a nation.

Goo Goo Dolls Before It's Too Late

I wondered through fiction to look for the truth
Buried beneath all the lies
And I stood at a distance
To feel who you are
Hiding myself in your eyes
And hold on before it's too late
Until we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives
And the risk that might break you
Is the one that would save
A life you dont live is still lost
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real til it's gone
And hold on before its too late
Until we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives
So live like you mean it
Love til you feel it
It's all that we need in our lives
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real til it's gone
Hold on before its too late
Until we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives
Hold on before its too late
Until we leave this behind
Don't fall just be who you are
It's all that we need in our lives
It's all that we need in our lives
It's all that I need in my life

A favorite poem!!!

The Road Not Taken
by: Robert Frost

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the tother, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy ans wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference."

Brilliant Light

Tonight I was at a Bible Study with about eight other students from my college. We had such a great time fellowshipping and sharing from the Word. While we were talking, one of the Scriptures that came up really stuck with me. It's one that I hear a lot, but I think it's very important to remind myself of it, especially with the culture as it is right now. In Matthew 5:14--16, Jesus was teaching His disciples up on a mountain about the Kingdom of God. He knew that He was only going to be with them a short time, and they needed preparation for what was ahead. Starting with the Beatitudes as His very first sermon, He breaks it down for them in a way they can understand the essence of what a son/daughter of God looks like. That is a whole new blog, but this one is focused more on the part that follows the Beatitudes. Jesus told them,

"You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

Wow! To be the light of the whole world means God's children should be giving off some major shine. For some people, that light is going to bug the heck out of them--like this morning when my sister had to wake up before me, and she left all of the lights on in our room. I almost threw about three pillows at her because I was agitated that my sleep was interrupted. But eventually, I decided to just wake up and start my day with a cup of coffee (with tons of milk) and a longer than usual one-on-one time with Jesus. It ended up being an awesome day.

Now, to put that into a spiritual context--People who are asleep need to wake up! They need to be agitated. Someone already awake is going to love the light--like my sister. But the person who encounters the light while still in darkness is going to experience friction because their comfort level is being challenged. That doesn't mean just unsaved people--but also those who know Jesus and start walking in sin that grieves God's heart. I want to be awake--and I want those around me to be awake, too. I guess everyone has a choice to either check out the light or roll over in bed and fall back asleep, but I'm going to pray they choose the first option. And I'm going to pray that they get so agitated that they can't help but find out why the light is so bright.

So, how do I be that "light"? I know for sure I don't have all of the ansers, but the whole concept of being a "light" seems to get overspiritualized in the church. I think it comes down to just being in love with the most Brilliant one we've ever known, and letting Him shine brilliantly through us. Sometimes that brilliance will show up by loving those labeled unlovable. Sometimes it's by standing up for truth, even when everyone else disagrees. Sometimes it's just allowing the peace and calm of Jesus to show through us to those whose hearts are anxious, or choosing purity when compromising situations arise. Gods brilliance isn't limited to just one form or expression. But when we just make the choice to shine, people are going to notice. And then I know God will guide us on what to do from there, because He receives glory through us.

Glorious Bride

"...a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." (Ephesians 5:27, NIV)

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They're really doing themselves a favor—since they're already "one" in marriage. (Ephesians 5:25-28, the Message)


I love asking questions. If I meet someone for the first time, and I'm in a talking mood, I find myself drilling them with questions about who they are, what they enjoy, what causes their heart to come alive, etc. (At least if they don't start drilling me with questions first...)

I ask God a lot of questions too. One of my favorites (but probably also the most dangerous because it requires death to self in order to see it achieved) is, "God, what are the dreams of Your heart?" I want to know what He is dreaming about! I want to know the things that move His heart and makes Him want to show up in all of His glory and beauty.

One time I was telling a friend about this conversation I have a lot with Abba, and she replied, "But we are God's dream!" That kind of shook up the way I approached this whole question. I like it when that happens, though. God's dream isn't some far away, mystical thing that only certain people can participate in. And really, the answer isn't hard to figure out. God wants His Kingdom to come and His will to be done on earth. Period. And how is that accomplished? Through His Bride! Through the ones who are supposed to know Him the best--who have taken the time to learn how He thinks and how He speaks.

The amazing thing is that God loves to use us just as we are, in all of our incompleteness. But His love refuses to leave us the same. I love how the Message Bible says, "Christ's love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness." When God looks at His church, He knows that we have a lot of issues, but I don't really think that's what He focuses on. I think He focuses on who we are becoming, and that's what He speaks to--with words of love that evoke beauty and bring wholeness. It's easy to become cynical and judgmental of the church because of all of the obvious flaws, but it's a lot harder to have faith that we can actually become the Church God has called us to be. I don't want to be a cynic--that's a lazy way of refusing to live in the Spirit. Cynicism rots away hope and faith. I want to believe that God can make me and the church glorious--normal sons and daughters who have chosen the radical path of being carriers of His glory.

So, my question to God is beginning to change. It's more personal. "God, how can I live today to make Your dream come true?" The answer isn't difficult to hear--He tells me that He just wants me to listen and obey Him. My prayer then becomes, "Okay, Jesus. I know what You desire, but I need You to be my strength. I can't do it on my own." I think He really likes that prayer because it lets Him show up in all of His beauty to make His name glorious on the earth.

Prison breaks. Informal dinners. Living in community. Crazy evangelistic trips. Making sure everyone always had enough of whatever was necessary for life. These were the activities of the early church--An out of the box community that wasn't perfect, but that loved with a passion that could not be contained in four walls. And the results of this lifestyle are apparent in the pages of history, with salvations and healings and miracles being recorded in record numbers. The label "institution" would never fit the early church. So WHY does the church seem more like an institution these days?
Maybe being an institution is safer. Maybe it's easier. Maybe it just makes more sense to our natural minds since we live in a world where institutions are everywhere. In an article I was reading tonight countering the church as an institution, the author wrote, "In my understanding, the evidence confirms that the church is a community, a community that places its faith in Jesus, that exists in the love of God, and that loves and cares for all community members as they seek to share Jesus with others." I wonder what it would be like to once again live out such a pure and undefiled faith...one that loves and is free from the religious bondage of man's workmanship.

Forward Movement

Forward movement can be hard. Often, when I think of having to move forward, it's usually because I have to get over a disappointment in my life or I need to believe that I can still do something, despite failing at it once or twice. But today I realized that one of the biggest hindrances to moving forward can be success and safety. When things are going great, it's easy to get comfortable and not want to move. I wonder if that was the rich ruler's problem. He was rich, had good connections, came from a good family, had a great reputation. Jesus challenged him to give up his possessions so that he could follow Him. But the ruler walked away from the challenge because he didn't want to get that uncomfortable. Jesus brought friction to his safe zone by daring him to move out of what made sense. It makes me sad that he didn't obey because now I'll never know what could have been. Who knows what his life would have been like if he walked away from the comfortable into the unknown. That's why my perspective is starting to change about friction. I want Jesus to make me uncomfortable. Even when it means I can't be safe. Even when it requires I give up some friendships, some dreams, some "riches" in the natural. Even if it means sometimes I'll be misunderstood or misevaluated--because I'd rather be misunderstood by the "wise" if it means I don't have to live with the regrets of not choosing the narrow path. I want to keep moving forward because God is always advancing. And the safest place seems to be right in the fire, where I feel the most friction, because that's where I'm becoming more like Jesus.

Choose Friends Wisely

Jonathan chose his friends wisely. He got his armor bearer to go with him to get the Philistines out of the land. That took guts...and the right people surrounding him...who were crazy just like him.

I was listening to a teaching by Banning Liebscher tonight. He said, "You've got to pick friends who are a little bit crazy, too. And you have to pick friends who want to change the world...who have made the same choice as you."

Choose friends who are CONSUMED!!! They need to BURN like you burn. Otherwise, you won't change history. Your focus and affection will be divided, because you are trying to keep your friends. Acquaintances are good...be kind to everyone...shine the light of Jesus and love them with his passion. BUT a poor choice of who you let close to your heart could cause the fire God has burned in your heart to be completely snuffed out.

So....choose your friends wisely. BURN FOR JESUS. And trust Him to bring the right people around you, even if it means that you don't have any friends besides the Holy Spirit for a season.

Live Like Hell...and Still Get Heaven?

As the daughter of parents who are full-time pastors, I know a lot of people who identify themselves as Christians. Yet, I've noticed that many people think that being a "Christian" is only a Sunday morning thing--like putting on a different kind of coat for a specific function. The rest of the time they live just like they want to, some claiming that such a lifestyle is what "freedom" really looks like.

I'm pretty sure that although God is full of compassion and slow to anger, He can still get angry. And hurt. And feel betrayed. I wonder how His heart must hurt when He sees the lack of commitment His so called children have for Him and His cause. It amazes me that He can still love us. Still fight for us. Still call us beautiful.

Paul understood the fervent love God had for him...that even while Paul was dead in sin, Christ would not just die for him, but meet him on the road to Damascus. Paul lost everything only to gain everything. For him, Christianity was not just a culturally moral name or a title to get him accepted into certain circles. Paul ate and drank and slept Jesus. His life was consumed with the One who paid the highest price possible so that he could be saved from sin and hell.

I want to live like that...with an abandoned to Jesus lifestyle that is always aware of how great a salvation I have been given. When I leave the four walls of the church where I worship with other believers, and start hearing the voices of the world screaming out to me, "Follow me! Follow me!" I want to be able to say, "My heart is satisfied by Him alone. This world has nothing for me."