Monday, January 30, 2012
"It's like I'm living for the first time..."
For the past few days, I've been listening to the newest worship album released from Bethel Church in Redding, California titled The Loft Sessions. It's so good (and good is defined here as "you don't want the songs to ever come to an end, and when they do, you put it on repeat without realizing that you've been listening to the same songs for hours because they took you into such a lovely place with Jesus"), and I encourage everyone to check it out!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
A prayer from Windows of the Soul
Help me, God,
To realize it is in being crippled that I learn to cling, and in limping that I learn to lean,
that victory comes not in how courageously I struggle
but in how completely I surrender,
and that this is how I am to grow,
by being defeated,
decisively,
by constantly greater things.
Help me to understand that Your power is perfected in weakness,
so that when I am rendered weak,
You are giving the opportunity to be shown strong.
Help me to understand, too,
that "more things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of,
for so the whole round earth is every way
bound in gold chains about the feet of God..."
To realize it is in being crippled that I learn to cling, and in limping that I learn to lean,
that victory comes not in how courageously I struggle
but in how completely I surrender,
and that this is how I am to grow,
by being defeated,
decisively,
by constantly greater things.
Help me to understand that Your power is perfected in weakness,
so that when I am rendered weak,
You are giving the opportunity to be shown strong.
Help me to understand, too,
that "more things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of,
for so the whole round earth is every way
bound in gold chains about the feet of God..."
Prisoner of Hope
"Return to the stronghold, You prisoneres of hope. Even today I declare that I will restore double to you." -Zechariah 9:12
Jesus is a battle-fighter...and His victory is guaranteed.
Jesus is a battle-fighter...and His victory is guaranteed.
some recent favorite quotes...
I wish the days to be as centuries, loaded, fragrant.RALPH WALDO EMERSON, “CONSIDERATIONS BY THE WAY” '
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.D.H. LAWRENCE
Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things, because were curious, and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.-Walt Disney
I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.ROBERT FULGHUM (ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN)
I was just wondering whose silver tongue or golden pen is telling the tale we find ourselves in.DENNIS L. MCKIERNAN
In all things it is better to hope than to despair.JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE
Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.C.S. LEWIS
I try to believe like I believed when I was five…when your heart tells you everything you need to know.LUCY LIU
I’m going to fight for your love. There are some things in life that are worth fighting for to the end. You are worth it.‘BY THE RIVER PIEDRA I SAT DOWN AND WEPT’ BY PAULO COELHo
The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up. MARK TWAIN
We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.RAY BRADBURY
Nothing to me feels as good as laughing incredibly hard.STEVE CARELL
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself.
A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.D.H. LAWRENCE
Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things, because were curious, and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.-Walt Disney
I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death.ROBERT FULGHUM (ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN)
I was just wondering whose silver tongue or golden pen is telling the tale we find ourselves in.DENNIS L. MCKIERNAN
In all things it is better to hope than to despair.JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE
Crying is all right in its own way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.C.S. LEWIS
I try to believe like I believed when I was five…when your heart tells you everything you need to know.LUCY LIU
I’m going to fight for your love. There are some things in life that are worth fighting for to the end. You are worth it.‘BY THE RIVER PIEDRA I SAT DOWN AND WEPT’ BY PAULO COELHo
The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up. MARK TWAIN
We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.RAY BRADBURY
Nothing to me feels as good as laughing incredibly hard.STEVE CARELL
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
thoughts after listening to the State of the Union
After watching the State of the Union Address tonight, I'm kind of wondering about the philosophies that inform people's ideas of change. And also slightly annoyed with myself and humans in general--how we so often find it easier to blame someone else for the things that are going wrong, but we sure do love milking the credit for what went right.
Just some thoughts after watching the address.
Thank God for teachers. They are heroes.
Congresswoman Gifford and President Obama's hug was definitely a highlight to the evening. That woman is a fighter.
I'm not convinced that changing a tax bracket is going to make things better in this nation. Forcing the rich to give more to the government just makes me think of a one word result: "mediocre". (and I definitely don't fall under the "rich" bracket, so that opinion has nothing to do with trying to protect an empire. gah politics. any opinion makes people suspicious of motive, guns drawn).
Just as an example that will probably seem way too simple in a world of so many layers of dysfunctional and complicated problem solving: Sometimes a parent will need to help a child learn to share a toy. HOWEVER, there is something incredibly powerful and atmosphere changing when finally a child, out of his/her own will, shares that same toy--without being forced. Generosity that comes from the heart and free will changes things. So in my opinion, I hope that the wealthy continue being blessed. Because in that group, there are bound to be those whose hearts are focused on storing their treasures in heaven, not here on earth, and they have a deep generosity and care for others. Why would we want to take away the chance for that kind of success? For that kind of influence?
It makes me think about medical doctors (a thought mostly inspired from working on a campaign, surrounded by endless talk about health care reform). Let's imagine a doctor, Harvard trained, who could work at the best hospitals in the world, bringing in a huge sum of money every year, living in a nice house with a nice car. But instead, he chooses to use his skills to work among the poor in urban and rural areas. No one forced him into that lifestyle. It was a choice. And because it was a choice, it is powerful. It catches your attention. It convicts and inspires you because it's done from the heart. The incentive has nothing to do with a big paycheck or a comfortable lifestyle.
But is it wrong that there is a doctor who feels that his place is in a nice hospital with rich patients? No way. He may be able to influence and heal those patients in a way that the one who felt his place was among the poor (in an "economic" sense) couldn't. We look too often on surface things, making estimates and judgments about people based on very little understanding.
It makes me think about medical doctors (a thought mostly inspired from working on a campaign, surrounded by endless talk about health care reform). Let's imagine a doctor, Harvard trained, who could work at the best hospitals in the world, bringing in a huge sum of money every year, living in a nice house with a nice car. But instead, he chooses to use his skills to work among the poor in urban and rural areas. No one forced him into that lifestyle. It was a choice. And because it was a choice, it is powerful. It catches your attention. It convicts and inspires you because it's done from the heart. The incentive has nothing to do with a big paycheck or a comfortable lifestyle.
But is it wrong that there is a doctor who feels that his place is in a nice hospital with rich patients? No way. He may be able to influence and heal those patients in a way that the one who felt his place was among the poor (in an "economic" sense) couldn't. We look too often on surface things, making estimates and judgments about people based on very little understanding.
Comparison runs deep, motivating legislation in ways I don't think we realize. This desire to make everyone equal, to bring everyone into the same room with no differences, seems to be a brilliant way of doing life to many. In a humanistic way, it seems to be a logical way to solve the problems, to reach world peace. But you can't legislate people's hearts. You can't use laws to create a Utopia. People work best when they are empowered, and empowerment comes from a proper understanding of free will within the context of proper identity.
It isn't everyone making the same amount of money or having similar lifestyles that will bridge the chasms between people. Only Jesus can do that. The cross is the great equalizer. And yet at the cross, when we come and die to our selves so that we can truly live, we are no longer our own, which means that God can bring us down or He can raise us up--and may do a mixture of both in a lifetime. The surrender of our lives to God DOES look different for each person--because it is a stepping into the fullness of the story He has for each person individually. That individual story is meant to fuel the success of the whole Body. He will take us through things that purify us of that comparison that destroys peace and joy-- to take out of us the vision of this age that clouds our hearts.
It isn't everyone making the same amount of money or having similar lifestyles that will bridge the chasms between people. Only Jesus can do that. The cross is the great equalizer. And yet at the cross, when we come and die to our selves so that we can truly live, we are no longer our own, which means that God can bring us down or He can raise us up--and may do a mixture of both in a lifetime. The surrender of our lives to God DOES look different for each person--because it is a stepping into the fullness of the story He has for each person individually. That individual story is meant to fuel the success of the whole Body. He will take us through things that purify us of that comparison that destroys peace and joy-- to take out of us the vision of this age that clouds our hearts.
To move with the wind. To love. To walk in honor towards all. To allow our hearts to well up with a kindness and generosity that come straight from the heart of God--a compassion that changes culture because it is heaven sent. Compassion is not a man made rule passed in Congress and approved by a President. Same goes for generosity. They are a work of the Spirit. Marks of culture transformation that comes from Body revival.
That's what I want for this nation. Not a savior President. I'll continue praying for the current President, and I'll pray for the one who takes office in the next term. But what I want is The Savior. A nation excited about Jesus again, obsessed with Him, head over heels in love.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Find me on hope street
Today was one of those days.
Anxiety, fear, disappointment. They all came for a visit today, and my heart just let them in. And of all days for these dream stealing guests! The celebration day of one of my heroes, Martin Luther King Jr.
Several times this week, anxiety gripped me to the point of being unable to think of anything positive. Disappointment entered with the numbing feeling of unmet expectations. Prime time pity party. No one wants a front row ticket to that.
The onset of fear was often initiated by thoughts like: "If you don't conform to the American Dream, work your way up the ladder to a high paid job with security and connections, you'll never make it through this world safe. People aren't kind to the ones who want something different out of life. Leave all that idealism behind and just blame it on youth." But just the thought of that American Dream makes me want to cry. I've heard it said before that tears are a good indicator of what the heart is saying. These tears are the kind that are trying hard to find expression for, "This can't really be all there is..."
I'm not a hater of people who are successful within the system. Which is why sometimes I feel this tension when sorting through the different messages of how to live and what it means to succeed. Thus the anxiety. "How do I live?!" But if the message my life is broadcasting is based on the choices I make and the behaviors I embrace, then it is a serious matter and one in which I must be intentional.
As I was bringing all of this into a conversation with God, I felt a tug on my heart that seemed to whisper, "This season is not a waste. What seems stagnant is actually full of movement that you can't see. Let the hold-ups have their way in your life. They're important. Don't try to numb them away with all the distractions that are available."
And suddenly, I had a glimpse into paradox. Within the ebbs and flows of success that the world admires, the flows will gain you respect and influence with the world, but the ebbs are where you learn what success really means. You're crafted there in a way that you won't be anywhere else, and you learn the life saving lessons of definition, identity and security. To not be defined by anything other than God's heart will save your life. When "world" success comes your way, it won't own you, it won't give you identity, it won't destroy your wholeness. It will merely be what it was intended to be: a platform. And nobody wants to stand up on a platform 24-7. When you know who you are, you aren't striving to protect that influence when it does come (which is more a statement in regards to reputation, not character). You're okay with the sit-down times and with passing the torch in epoch changes.
I do think that there are times in life where things will feel more "secure" in the natural sense of the word. However, maybe I don't have the maturity to handle a season of security just yet, which probably sounds totally crazy. In security comes the temptation to grow comfortable and complacent, unwilling to surrender the amenities of one season due to apprehension of the cost involved in journeying once again into unknown and unfamiliar territory. But in the end, isn't faith a journey? And aren't journeys full of their uncomfortable paragraphs, even chapters, where the very nature of mystery and the unknown leave their mark on you forever, changing you in sometimes unspeakable ways?
Bringing what started as a dirge into a more positive note...
King. He's a man whose dream didn't fit into the American Dream of his time, and this is the type of dream I could get behind. He didn't let the obstacles stop him. Instead, he took the path of resistance, but did it in a way that was full of love and respect (which is in itself a path of resistance). Even in the midst of disagreeing with cultural norms, he loved those who didn't see it his way (yet), and he changed the course of history, along with so many other brave ones. I wish I could have met him. I wish I could have asked him what helped him lose the need for security and safety, what it was that gave him the courage to live from his heart and the things that he knew were right.
__________
“On some positions, Cowardice asks the question, "Is it safe?" Expediency asks the question, "Is it politic?" And Vanity comes along and asks the question, "Is it popular?" But Conscience asks the question "Is it right?" And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must do it because Conscience tells him it is right.” -Martin Luther King Jr.
Anxiety, fear, disappointment. They all came for a visit today, and my heart just let them in. And of all days for these dream stealing guests! The celebration day of one of my heroes, Martin Luther King Jr.
Several times this week, anxiety gripped me to the point of being unable to think of anything positive. Disappointment entered with the numbing feeling of unmet expectations. Prime time pity party. No one wants a front row ticket to that.
The onset of fear was often initiated by thoughts like: "If you don't conform to the American Dream, work your way up the ladder to a high paid job with security and connections, you'll never make it through this world safe. People aren't kind to the ones who want something different out of life. Leave all that idealism behind and just blame it on youth." But just the thought of that American Dream makes me want to cry. I've heard it said before that tears are a good indicator of what the heart is saying. These tears are the kind that are trying hard to find expression for, "This can't really be all there is..."
I'm not a hater of people who are successful within the system. Which is why sometimes I feel this tension when sorting through the different messages of how to live and what it means to succeed. Thus the anxiety. "How do I live?!" But if the message my life is broadcasting is based on the choices I make and the behaviors I embrace, then it is a serious matter and one in which I must be intentional.
As I was bringing all of this into a conversation with God, I felt a tug on my heart that seemed to whisper, "This season is not a waste. What seems stagnant is actually full of movement that you can't see. Let the hold-ups have their way in your life. They're important. Don't try to numb them away with all the distractions that are available."
And suddenly, I had a glimpse into paradox. Within the ebbs and flows of success that the world admires, the flows will gain you respect and influence with the world, but the ebbs are where you learn what success really means. You're crafted there in a way that you won't be anywhere else, and you learn the life saving lessons of definition, identity and security. To not be defined by anything other than God's heart will save your life. When "world" success comes your way, it won't own you, it won't give you identity, it won't destroy your wholeness. It will merely be what it was intended to be: a platform. And nobody wants to stand up on a platform 24-7. When you know who you are, you aren't striving to protect that influence when it does come (which is more a statement in regards to reputation, not character). You're okay with the sit-down times and with passing the torch in epoch changes.
I do think that there are times in life where things will feel more "secure" in the natural sense of the word. However, maybe I don't have the maturity to handle a season of security just yet, which probably sounds totally crazy. In security comes the temptation to grow comfortable and complacent, unwilling to surrender the amenities of one season due to apprehension of the cost involved in journeying once again into unknown and unfamiliar territory. But in the end, isn't faith a journey? And aren't journeys full of their uncomfortable paragraphs, even chapters, where the very nature of mystery and the unknown leave their mark on you forever, changing you in sometimes unspeakable ways?
Bringing what started as a dirge into a more positive note...
King. He's a man whose dream didn't fit into the American Dream of his time, and this is the type of dream I could get behind. He didn't let the obstacles stop him. Instead, he took the path of resistance, but did it in a way that was full of love and respect (which is in itself a path of resistance). Even in the midst of disagreeing with cultural norms, he loved those who didn't see it his way (yet), and he changed the course of history, along with so many other brave ones. I wish I could have met him. I wish I could have asked him what helped him lose the need for security and safety, what it was that gave him the courage to live from his heart and the things that he knew were right.
__________
“On some positions, Cowardice asks the question, "Is it safe?" Expediency asks the question, "Is it politic?" And Vanity comes along and asks the question, "Is it popular?" But Conscience asks the question "Is it right?" And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must do it because Conscience tells him it is right.” -Martin Luther King Jr.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Sometimes I feel like my heart is scattered in spots all over the world, and it makes it complicated to know where to land and plant my feet.
Planting my feet is a scary thought. Growing roots. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever learn to stay. But maybe staying has nothing to do with a location. Maybe it has everything to do with human connection and hearts finding a home in one another. That might be the definition I will work with when it comes to growing roots. I get tired of the ache of missing people, but I never want to stop letting them into my heart.
I also wonder about thin places, that small space between heaven and earth that I so often miscalculate.
Planting my feet is a scary thought. Growing roots. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever learn to stay. But maybe staying has nothing to do with a location. Maybe it has everything to do with human connection and hearts finding a home in one another. That might be the definition I will work with when it comes to growing roots. I get tired of the ache of missing people, but I never want to stop letting them into my heart.
I also wonder about thin places, that small space between heaven and earth that I so often miscalculate.
Friday, January 6, 2012
"dress down your pretty faith..."
give me something real.
-------------------
This afternoon, I filled my time with chores and job applications, getting ready for next semester and also for the visit of a dear friend. As I was cleaning the kitchen, I found a jar of curry to make Thai food. I decided that since I still have a few hours before my friend arrives, I would defrost some chicken, throw in some veggies, and simmer it all with the curry. It was finished quickly, unlike the times when I've made it from scratch.
As I write this, I am half-way finished sampling my "taste test", and although it isn't bad, I can tell it's not the real deal. Once you've had the real deal (and sometimes even without ever having it), you can quickly tell when you're eating something that is sub-par. A good friend of mine spent many of her growing up years in Thailand, and when she makes Thai, that's the real stuff. I can't be deceived.
My sisters, who probably know me better than anyone, both know that I have a difficult time consuming things that aren't straight up the real thing. Example: I hate sugar substitutes. They make my head hurt and my body feels like it needs to get it out of my system asap. If someone gives me something that is sugar-free, I can tell without even knowing beforehand. Not that I make a big deal about it, but if it's my choice, I go with what's real...even if it has more calories or requires more time or results in a much messier kitchen to clean.
Last night, I was thinking about faith, and this little cooking exercise brought those thoughts back. Polished faith is something that I find incredibly unsatisfying. I love to search out questions with the intent of finding answers, which usually just leads to more questions, but I feel more and more comfortable in the mystery of those questions: the things that just don't have a definite answer. I know that reason is very much a part of faith and it is necessary. But I don't want to be so focused on finding reason that I forget to pay attention to and embrace the unpolished and inconvenient.
This blog feels like it's not making much sense, and I'm sure it has tons of holes in it. But I really just want Jesus.
I was listening to one of my heroes, Loren Cunningham, speak with a group of young radicals. A girl asked him a question, "with all of your experience and knowledge, what is the key to how you've been so fiery and so faithful to the Lord all these years?" to which Loren simply replied, "I love to walk with Jesus...He sustains..."
For all he's seen in his lifetime; for the big crowds he's preached to and could brag about; for all the wisdom he's grown in; for the missions movement that is often attributed to his name and vision...his answer is so unpolished, raw, beautiful. To just love walking with Jesus.
-------------------
This afternoon, I filled my time with chores and job applications, getting ready for next semester and also for the visit of a dear friend. As I was cleaning the kitchen, I found a jar of curry to make Thai food. I decided that since I still have a few hours before my friend arrives, I would defrost some chicken, throw in some veggies, and simmer it all with the curry. It was finished quickly, unlike the times when I've made it from scratch.
As I write this, I am half-way finished sampling my "taste test", and although it isn't bad, I can tell it's not the real deal. Once you've had the real deal (and sometimes even without ever having it), you can quickly tell when you're eating something that is sub-par. A good friend of mine spent many of her growing up years in Thailand, and when she makes Thai, that's the real stuff. I can't be deceived.
My sisters, who probably know me better than anyone, both know that I have a difficult time consuming things that aren't straight up the real thing. Example: I hate sugar substitutes. They make my head hurt and my body feels like it needs to get it out of my system asap. If someone gives me something that is sugar-free, I can tell without even knowing beforehand. Not that I make a big deal about it, but if it's my choice, I go with what's real...even if it has more calories or requires more time or results in a much messier kitchen to clean.
Last night, I was thinking about faith, and this little cooking exercise brought those thoughts back. Polished faith is something that I find incredibly unsatisfying. I love to search out questions with the intent of finding answers, which usually just leads to more questions, but I feel more and more comfortable in the mystery of those questions: the things that just don't have a definite answer. I know that reason is very much a part of faith and it is necessary. But I don't want to be so focused on finding reason that I forget to pay attention to and embrace the unpolished and inconvenient.
This blog feels like it's not making much sense, and I'm sure it has tons of holes in it. But I really just want Jesus.
I was listening to one of my heroes, Loren Cunningham, speak with a group of young radicals. A girl asked him a question, "with all of your experience and knowledge, what is the key to how you've been so fiery and so faithful to the Lord all these years?" to which Loren simply replied, "I love to walk with Jesus...He sustains..."
For all he's seen in his lifetime; for the big crowds he's preached to and could brag about; for all the wisdom he's grown in; for the missions movement that is often attributed to his name and vision...his answer is so unpolished, raw, beautiful. To just love walking with Jesus.
Monday, January 2, 2012
"...the constant generosity of grace"
That's a line from a Sara Groves song. It gets me every time.
How generous the Father, pouring out grace in an unending, ceaseless flow.
How generous the Father, pouring out grace in an unending, ceaseless flow.
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