I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.
Lots of plans have cycled in my mind in my twenty-four years of life. At seventeen, I was sure that by now I would be in medical school, preparing to go onto the mission field to use my hands to help heal. Then, I went to Bible School where I became unsure of what I was really to do. Government, international relations, history, english, no college? I didn’t even consider studying journalism or going to film school, until a trip to Honduras revealed that my heart was being drawn to the stories all around me--and a passion to find ways to tell those stories started exploding in my planning process. I laid down the dream of medicine to pursue storytelling.
In the two years I spent focused primarily on the aesthetics of film and the art of a story (an art to which I am still an amateur), something happened. An idea (insert an illustration of a lightbulb) started developing in my mind of how to merge the two together. Medicine can minister healing to the physical body, but in a way, so can a story. Many things go hand in hand in life, but sometimes we just don’t know it until we’ve walked through certain experiences, engaged in specific conversations, walked into a moment that was once mysterious but finds illumination.
A story has the power to heal. It has the power to do a lot of other things, many of them damaging, but then, so does theology, education, medicine, exercise, eating. It’s how the tool is used that brings about the results.
If someone is sick, could it be that something in their emotions is blocked or wounded, and that someone who listens to their story or shows them another story--could offer them the strength to heal?
And so begins my thoughts on this philosophy of merging two practices together in a way that brings wholeness. I’m not even sure where to begin with the study. Should I write a novel or screenplay? Should I just travel the world and ask for eyes that would see the hidden stories? Should I go to medical school? Or even business school? How will I pay for this?
And I dream all of this while still living at home at 24. That wasn’t in the plans. Yet, deep down in my heart, I know that God doesn’t look at me with thoughts of deep failure. He looks at me with thoughts of what’s to come--what the journey thus far is bringing me into--and also thoughts full of so much love for where I am at right now.
So if it’s true that we should dream bigger than what we can accomplish on our own, here’s a toast to those dreams. It’s scary to dream big as I grow older. With each application I send into a company, I feel my world growing smaller and smaller. I feel the desire to travel and create becoming less likely. Yet, I know that God has called me to live in a broad place where those dreams are allowed to take root and flourish.
And even in the middle of those feelings of wanting to go explore distant lands, meet new people, bring hope to places where there is none left...I also realize that the place I find myself right now holds so many secrets. Secrets of happiness--of embracing a quiet and peaceful life--of craving the simple, and being done with all the rest. Which makes all the dreaming less like striving and more like...prayer? Like a nice, on going conversation with Abba. Which makes everything a whole lot less terrifying and constricting, and it also makes me enjoy the now.
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.
-psalm 27
2 comments:
hello, my fellow man. i relate to what you've said alot. i myself have just found the lord, and thank god i have. life is so much better now, and i no longer feel lost. "no of us are here to stay, we're all just visiting"
Wow, thank you for leaving a comment. I would love to hear your story! I will visit your blog. :) God bless you richly!
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