jumbled thoughts

"Amazing love, now what else shall I need? Your name brings life, it's more than the air I breathe. My world was changed when Your love You gave to me. My purpose found in all that You want for me. And I found myself in You, Lord."

It's here. Graduation. They keep telling me that the world is wide open, where hopefully the path ahead will mostly consist of wind behind the back and expanding vision for the journey ahead. However, at the moment I feel like the worst communicator in the world and every thought is a jumbled mess and that is not making things look up for a journalism major. There is nothing profound in these thoughts that feel like a ping pong ball in the middle of the most intense competition. No rest. Hopefully after tomorrow I'll have time to process enough to write an understandable blog. But here's what I got today...

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I'm ready to get moving.

Yet, some things still feel unfinished. Maybe that's how transition always feels. Maybe it's never a pretty little knot that ties up seasons.

What I feel more than anything is that now is the proving ground. The bubble is popped and the ziplock bag unsealed. How will I live? What kind of person will I be? What does the future look like? Who owns my heart? Will I live with passion in my heart or get burnt out, resulting in insincerity?

It's a fight.

I need Jesus. If I'm gonna keep the fire alive--if I'm gonna stay genuine and grounded--it's only in Him that my life has any purpose. If there is anything that college has taught me, it's that this life is miserable without Him. And I need to know that if it was just me and Him--if it ended up that when it came down to the wire, He was the only friend left standing by my side--I would be okay.

So now comes the reassessment and the refocus.

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And part of this reassessment process includes the feeling that I will never have enough words or actions to express how thankful I am for the people in my life who have impacted me in the most brilliant of ways. Professors, new friends and old friends, roommates (who are also friends), family, people who challenged me to grow in character...etc. etc. etc.

so many faces come to mind. so many people who i find incredibly stunning. i am so thankful for them.

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grrr...
bottom line:
...and all I want to do/all I want to do/is worship You.