This blog is probably gonna be a bit scattered. I’m sitting on the floor with my laptop propped up on a makeshift table made out of a cardboard box I found. I could probably find something a bit more normal looking, but I’m okay with this for now.
Yesterday I attended a beautiful wedding where two amazing friends of mine entered into the marriage covenant. I was (and am) blown away by how much they love each other. It goes beyond natural, earthly love. I guess that should be the case when attending any wedding. However, to be honest, there are times when people get engaged and my heart almost feels panic. Mostly it’s because I don’t know if their relationship has been through the proper amounts of fire to know if they could fight alongside and for each other the duration of a lifetime, or if their stamina can stand the pressures of a life where you are no longer your own. Is the friendship strong enough to intentionally keep the fire of love burning?
But for Raymond and Ashley, I couldn’t imagine anyone being more right for either of them. Watching them exchange vows was beautiful. It felt like heaven was smiling. That’s probably a pretty accurate picture. I can’t imagine heaven doing anything different as two people who love Jesus with everything inside of them became one.
They are legit. Their love is a reflection, I believe, of the love of the Kingdom. And that kind of love is a healing kind of love--it gives hope.
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As I was returning home from the wedding, I started thinking of an old puritan prayer that I learned when I was younger.
My thoughts these past few days have been swirling with questions and ponderings about the Kingdom and about what love and living looks like as a child of Abba. I’ve gotta be honest—my thoughts have frustrated me. I don’t know that this kind of frustration is bad, though. I don’t want to miss the point. I don’t want to live a life that is pursuing things that do not even matter.
Part of the prayer titled The Valley of Vision goes like this:
“Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision. Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine; let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death, Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin, Thy riches in my poverty, Thy glory in my valley. “
The paradoxes. They may be hard, yet in them there is such redemption. The wanderings that are really findings. The Father's face that shines on the darkest of days. The Father saying, "SON, where are you? When are you coming back home?" when the world would say the son deserves death. Love that says, "I love you," without needing to hear a reply of, "I love you too." Kingship that is formed in the dark places where no one wants to go. a prostitute becoming royalty. shepherd boy becoming king. a coward becoming "strong and mighty." living dead so that you can be truly alive. The orphaned heart becomes the most healed and life-giving heart. The servant becomes a friend.
When will the church become what it's not known how to be?
I can't get past Jesus telling his disciples that the greatest love is shown when a friend lays down his life. Friends. Maybe that is how the Kingdom is displayed the best? I don't really know. It's just a thought.
What would happen if the church became a company of friends? If the love and commitment and honor found in those friendships started taking the world off guard? If friends lived out the paradoxes of the kingdom--and if they learned through living and doing life deeply what covenant really looks like? Friends who get wounded and still choose to love--not cause they are superhuman, but because the Holy Spirit has done such a deep work. What if these friends saw beyond the exterior and into the purposes of God in each other's lives...saying to the timid Gideon, "strong and mighty" and to the one whose lost his way, "there is a place here at the table for you. come home" or "this is not who you are. there is so much more." when one succeeds, "Dude, yes! Be a sign and a wonder."
Cause that's what God does for us. Time and time and time again. To the elder brother and the prodigal brother--he wants both to see.
I want to see what's important. What matters. And in the searching, may I not miss you. May I not look so hard for Your face that I miss it right in front of me. May I not long to see Your glory so obsessively that I miss it all around me.
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So now comes the part where I quote a friend. Thank you Ashley for the permission.
“why is it that instead of affecting culture we have only created our own? i realize that we are only continuing what our forefathers taught us, but it must end somewhere.
so i say to you, no thank you. i will not be a part of the deception of men, telling them this is something new and life giving when it is the same soul sucking cycle the world has perpetuated.
we sell ourselves like prostitutes and then sit like celebrities. we sacrifice our lives, not for another, but for ourselves in the strife of identity search.
so do what you please, but as for me, i'm interested in living the life designed before there was a clock on any wall. take whatever road you like, but the narrow one will be mine.
continue your seminars. live for experience. but i will let experience find me as i live. go ahead and sweat as you climb up your ladders. i will lay my head down in a boat on the calmest seas. fear the storms as they roll over your gilded walls. i will let the rain saturate my skin and hear the Voice in the thunder.
slave masters will meet their Maker. then what will you do, little ones? you better look now and see your Father. He makes Himself plain to those who want to find Him.”
With her I say no thank you to anything that is not the Kingdom.
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