"dress down your pretty faith..."

give me something real.

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This afternoon, I filled my time with chores and job applications, getting ready for next semester and also for the visit of a dear friend.  As I was cleaning the kitchen, I found a jar of curry to make Thai food.  I decided that since I still have a few hours before my friend arrives, I would defrost some chicken, throw in some veggies, and simmer it all with the curry.  It was finished quickly, unlike the times when I've made it from scratch.

As I write this, I am half-way finished sampling my "taste test", and although it isn't bad, I can tell it's not the real deal.  Once you've had the real deal (and sometimes even without ever having it), you can quickly tell when you're eating something that is sub-par.  A good friend of mine spent many of her growing up years in Thailand, and when she makes Thai, that's the real stuff.  I can't be deceived.

My sisters, who probably know me better than anyone, both know that I have a difficult time consuming things that aren't straight up the real thing.  Example: I hate sugar substitutes.  They make my head hurt and my body feels like it needs to get it out of my system asap.   If someone gives me something that is sugar-free, I can tell without even knowing beforehand.  Not that I make a big deal about it, but if it's my choice, I go with what's real...even if it has more calories or requires more time or results in a much messier kitchen to clean.

Last night, I was thinking about faith, and this little cooking exercise brought those thoughts back.  Polished faith is something that I find incredibly unsatisfying.  I love to search out questions with the intent of finding answers, which usually just leads to more questions, but I feel more and more comfortable in the mystery of those questions: the things that just don't have a definite answer.  I know that reason is very much a part of faith and it is necessary.  But I don't want to be so focused on finding reason that I forget to pay attention to and embrace the unpolished and inconvenient.

This blog feels like it's not making much sense, and I'm sure it has tons of holes in it.  But I really just want Jesus.

I was listening to one of my heroes, Loren Cunningham, speak with a group of young radicals.  A girl asked him a question, "with all of your experience and knowledge, what is the key to how you've been so fiery and so faithful to the Lord all these years?" to which Loren simply replied, "I love to walk with Jesus...He sustains..."

 For all he's seen in his lifetime; for the big crowds he's preached to and could brag about; for all the wisdom he's grown in; for the missions movement that is often attributed to his name and vision...his answer is so unpolished, raw, beautiful.  To just love walking with Jesus.