Shifting

I want to know that there is a kingdom inside of me that is strong enough to bring life into places where there is death.

I got your back.

"Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around.
Nothing's gonna harm you, no sir, not while I'm around."

-from Sweeney Todd

poet's privilege: to help man endure by lifting his heart

On December 10, 1950, William Faulkner delivered the following speech upon winning the Nobel Prize:

"I decline to accept the end of man."

I feel that this award was not made to me as a man, but to my work--a life's work in the agony and sweat of the human spirit, not for glory and least of all for profit, but to create out of the materials of the human spirit something which did not exist before. So this award is only mine in trust. It will not be difficult to find a dedication for the money part of it commensurate with the purpose and significance of its origin. But I would like to do the same with the acclaim too, by using this moment as a pinnacle from which I might be listened to by the young men and women already dedicated to the same anguish and travail, among whom is already that one who will some day stand where I am standing.

Our tragedy today is a general and universal physical fear so long sustained by now that we can even bear it. There are no longer problems of the spirit. There is only one question: When will I be blown up? Because of this, the young man or woman writing today has forgotten the problems of the human heart in conflict with itself which alone can make good writing because only that is worth writing about, worth the agony and the sweat. He must learn them again. He must teach himself that the basest of all things is to be afraid: and, teaching himself that, forget it forever, leaving no room in his workshop for anything but the old verities and truths of the heart, the universal truths lacking which any story is ephemeral and doomed--love and honor and pity and pride and compassion and sacrifice. Until he does so, he labors under a curse. He writes not of love but of lust, of defeats in which nobody loses anything of value, and victories without hope and worst of all, without pity or compassion. His griefs grieve on no universal bones, leaving no scars. He writes not of the heart but of the glands.

Until he learns these things, he will write as though he stood among and watched the end of man. I decline to accept the end of man. It is easy enough to say that man is immortal because he will endure: that when the last ding-dong of doom has clanged and faded from the last worthless rock hanging tideless in the last red and dying evening, that even then there will still be one more sound: that of his puny inexhaustible voice, still talking. I refuse to accept this. I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. He is immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance. The poet's, the writer's, duty is to write about these things. It is his privilege to help man endure by lifting his heart, by reminding him of the courage and honor and hope and pride and compassion and pity and sacrifice which have been the glory of his past. The poet's voice need not merely be the record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure and prevail...

Small Finds While Doing Homework

While researching for my senior project documentary, I came across a speech that Teddy Roosevelt delivered on April 23, 1910. Here is an excerpt:

"The poorest way to face life is to face it with a sneer. There are many who feel a kind of twisted pride in cynicism; there are many who confine themselves to criticism of the way others do what they themselves dare not even attempt."

I read on, and realized this portion came just before the now-famous, "It is not the critic who counts..." part of the speech.

Ladder Friend

"Climbing up a ladder, stepping into the open window. Intimate. A secret place. Friendship incomparable."

I want a friend who will climb a ladder into my window. I think it is Boy Meets World's fault that this thought ever entered my head.

Random Journal Thoughts from this week

It's almost February. I have no idea what I'm doing with my life. And part of me is jealous of those who have it all figured out--the people who do everything well.

__________________

I want to see people made whole. For serious. People who are spiritually blind to see , the brokenhearted to be healed.

___________________


Bad days can be the best days-- potential catalysts for change.

___________________

There are deeper valleys and higher mountains out there than the ones I've visited.

____________________

It seems like friendship, and even just the daily interactions with humanity, naturally draw us in to the bigger questions.

______________________

Training to be brave.

_____________________

What does goodness look like?

______________________

a "holiness of the Heart's affections" -Keats (I watched Bright Star)

_______________________

"What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much though." -J.D. Salinger

_______________________

"He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and broke their chains in pieces." -Ps. 107:14

_______________________

"Yes, madam, he has loved you--long and well." -Robert Browning

_______________________

"The Graces in a dance men recognize with turbulent applause and laughs of heart! So triumph ever shall renew itself, ever shall end in efforts higher yet, ever begin..." -Robert Browning

______________________

When did this doubt creep in? When did I stop living like I believed You are enough? I need a personal revival.

Craving Purity

God,

I don't want my life to be rooted in a humanistic compassion--a humanistic sense of being. I want purity. In everything--the things I think, do, the way I love. I don't know how that's possible--how to discern what is you and what is the culture. Please, teach me. Show me Your ways.

...for life

"He asked life from You, and You gave it to him." -Psalm 21:4


"Be fanatics. When it comes to being and doing and dreaming the best, be maniacs."

[A. M. Rosenthal]

“Every generation needs a new revolution.” -Thomas Jefferson

Went to a meeting tonight called the Justice Rally...

Lou Engle was there. The first thing he did once it was his turn to speak was pretty bold. He called the church out on aiding in the exploitation of women and contributing to the human trafficking tragedy by viewing pornography. Yep, he went there. And then he said, "...there must be a revolution of purity that sweeps through this generation."

Ah! To be a generation with purity. What will it take?

I left that meeting thinking..."Some people live their whole lives trying to find themselves. I don't wanna live like that. I want to know what I'm about." I think that thought was inspired by seeing a man like Lou Engle. He is a man thick with vision and full of character.

God, give us a revolution of purity.

fullness.

world, i don't want your half-way house romance.

i want real Love.

Brian Andreas, You Say It So Well

"I read once that the ancient Egyptians had fifty words for sand & the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow. I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me while you sleep & there are no words for that."
— Brian Andreas (Story People)



"She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful & life was so short."




"You're the strangest person I ever met, she said & I said you too & we decided we'd know each other a long time. "




"Anyone can slay a dragon ...but try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero. "



"I was waiting for the longest time, she said. I thought you forgot.

It is hard to forget, I said, when there is such an empty space when you are gone."



"We lay there and looked up at the night sky and she told me about stars called blue squares and red swirls and I told her I'd never heard of them. Of course not, she said, the really important stuff they never tell you. You have to imagine it on your own."


"Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life."


"He loved her for almost everything she was & she decided that was enough to let him stay for a very long time. "


"You may not remember the time you let me go first.
Or the time you dropped back to tell me it wasn't that far to go.
Or the time you waited at the crossroads for me to catch up.
You may not remember any of those, but I do and this is what I have to say to you:

Today, no matter what it takes,
we ride home together." "
— Brian Andreas (Traveling Light: Stories & Drawings for a Quiet Mind)


"I wish you could have been there for the sun & the rain & the long, hard hills. For the sound of a thousand conversations scattered along the road. For the people laughing & crying & remembering at the end. But, mainly, I wish you could have been there."


"I saw them standing there pretending to be just friends, when all the time in the world could not pry them apart. "


"Most people don't know there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life. "


"Don't you hear it? She asked & I shook my head no & then she started to dance & suddenly there was music everywhere & it went on for a very long time & when I finally found words all I could say was thank you. "
— Brian Andreas (Story People)


"If you hold on to the handle, she said, it's easier to maintain the illusion of control. But it's more fun if you just let the wind carry you.
"

"In the end, I think that I will like that we were sitting on the bed, talking & wondering where the time had gone."



"For a long time she flew, only when she thought no one else was watching."


"A few said they'd be horses. Most said they'd be some sort of cat. My friend said she'd like to come back as a porcupine. I don't like crowds, she said. "


"I have too much to lose, she said, if I cross that line. Like what? I said. She could not think of anything that day so she said she'd get back to me. Since then I've been thinking what I would lose if I cross my line & I haven't come up with anything either. There's always another line somewhere. "



"They came to sit & dangle their feet off the edge of the world & after awhile they forgot everything but the good & true things they would do someday. "


"I held her close for only a short time, but after she was gone, I'd see her smile on the face of a perfect stranger and I knew she would be there with me all the rest of my days."
— Brian Andreas (Strange Dreams - Collected Stories & Drawings)


"There are lives I can imagine without children but none of them have the same laughter & noise. "


"if there is any secret to this life i live, this is it: the sound of what cannot be seen sings within everything that can. and there is nothing more to it than that."


"There was a single blue line of crayon drawn across every wall in the house. What does it mean? I asked. A pirate needs the sight of the sea, he said and then he pulled his eye patch down and turned and sailed away."


"Are you a princess? I said & she said I'm much more than a princess, but you don't have a name for it yet here on earth. "


"I'm not sure if there's one right place I'm supposed to be, he said, but I know a couple of wrong places I'd give a second try in a heartbeat. "


"Remember to use positive affirmations. I am not a dork is not one of them."


"I spent a long time trying to find my center until I looked closely at it one night & found it had wheels and moved easily in the slightest breeze. So now I spend less time sitting and more time sailing. "
— Brian Andreas (Story People)


"Is willing to accept that she creates her own reality except for some of the parts where she can't help but wonder what the hell she was thinking"



"Trapped mainly by wanting things to be exactly as they are, only better "


"I once had a garden filled with flowers that grew only on dark thoughts but they need constant attention & one day I decided I had better things to do. "


"In my dream, the angel shrugged and said, if we fail this time, it will be a failure of imagination and then she placed the world gently in the palm of my hand."



"Your job is to focus on my personal happiness, she said, & I've got big plans, so break time is over. "


"I don't really like coffee, she said, but I don't really like it when my head hits my desk when I fall asleep either. "



"I didn't listen to her because she was my mother & wouldn't know anything until I was much older."


"feels like some kind of ride but it's turning out just
to be life going absolutely perfectly"


"If you're right & I'm not, I'm going to be hell to live with, she said. So, you better think about that next time you want to be right. "


"I have a renewed commitment to elegance, she said, in case you think I'm just spending money for the fun of it. "


"I used to believe my father about everything but then I had children myself & now I see how much stuff you make up just to keep yourself from going crazy."
— Brian Andreas (Story People)


"I've read a lot of books, so I know bunches of stuff that sounds like it could be true."


"You may not remember the time you let me go first.
Or the time you dropped back to tell me it wasn't that far to go.
Or the time you waited at the crossraods for me to catch up.
You may not remember any of those, but I do and this is what I have to say to you:
Today, no matter what it takes,
we ride home together."
— Brian Andreas (Traveling Light: Stories & Drawings for a Quiet Mind)


"She said she used to cry every day, not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful, and life was so short."


"time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life. "


"Wanting him to come back before anyone notices part of the world has not moved since he left."


"Hoping something will happen soon, so she can sit down & watch it with a fresh bowl of popcorn."


"We sat in the car
& the night dropped
down until the
only sounds were
the crickets &
the dance of our voices

& for a moment
the world became
small enough to
roll back & forth
between us."
— Brian Andreas (Hearing Voices - Collected Stories & Drawings)




"The clock is a conspiracy & a crime against humanity
and I would not own one
except I miss appointments without it."



"What I'm mostly good at is sleeping, he once told me in confidence, but he added, I don't see much future in it."



"We lay there & looked up at the night sky & she told me about stars called blue squares & red swirls & I told her I'd never heard of them. Of course not, she said, the really important stuff they never tell you. You have to imagine it on your own. "


"In those days, we finally chose to walk like giants and hold the world in arms grown strong with love
And there may be many things we forget in the days to come,
But this will not be one of them."


"This is a giant block of whatever is most difficult for you to carry & trust me on this, you'll carry it more times than you can count until you decide that's exactly what you want to do most & then it won't weigh a thing anymore
"

Portion of Jacob

Is there no balm in Gilead?
Is there no physician there?
Why then is there no healing
for the wound of my people?

I was reading Jeremiah last night, and this verse hit me...this cry for a physician, for the wholeness that comes from the balm found in Gilead. A heart-wrenching cry for a miraculous treatment of the wound that's destroying the people.

This struck me too:

O Hope of Israel,
its Savior in times of distress,
why are you like a stranger in the land,
like a traveler who stays only a night?" (Jeremiah 14:8, NIV)

He longs to be Hope. I treat Him like a stranger...a traveler whom I will only allow to stay one night. Anything longer is...inconvenient for me? Too high a demand...too narrow a road...too deep an investigation of the heart...too overwhelming a love...too uncomfortable for my fears, idols, shame?


AH! But this is beautiful...
Jeremiah calls him "the Portion of Jacob" (Jeremiah 10:1)

the Portion of Jacob! Jacob's only hope. Jacob's total plan. Jacob's full trust. It's Him.

Your Face

...I can find it everywhere I go. Because those eyes of yours are unforgettable. I could find them in any crowd.

Traveling On

When life hands you...adventure...sometimes you come back unable to connect with life.

Or at least that's how I feel right now.

I want people to understand. But I don't even understand. Ay.

Sounds Like A History Making Day

I woke up this morning and looked at my clock, where it also told me the date: January 22, 2010. My first thought: "Sounds like a history making kind of day."

So I'm expecting great things today. :-)

March for Life

Without love, the Truth isn't in you. Without Truth, love isn't love anymore. (March for Life)

I don't totally understand this, but I'm realizing that sometimes when I experience things, I come out of that experience not knowing how to behave. Like going to Rwanda. I'm not sure now how exactly to live normally after being there. Maybe that's a problem. All I know is that I want to tell stories--the kind that make people think. I want to tell so many stories that they become almost like my form of music making...

In rememberance of MLK

"We the people of this new generation
highly resolve that those who sacrificed
before us shall not have sacrificed in vain.
Let justice roll down."

(Elizabeth Perkins, paraphrasing
Lincoln's Gettysburg address)

poem for today

When I see your face, the stones start spinning!
You appear; all studying wanders.
I lose my place.

Water turns pearly.
Fire dies down and doesn't destroy.
You breathe; new shapes appear,
& the music of desire is widespread as Spring.

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where two worlds meet.
The door is open.
Don't go back to sleep.

I would love to kiss you.
"The price of kissing is your life."
Now my loving is running toward my life shouting
"What a bargain, let's buy it!"

-Rumi, a 13th-century Persian poet, jurist, theologian, and Sufi mystic.

Defenses

Thinking recently about how difficult it is to connect with people when everyone has all of their defense mechanisms operating at full strength...

dreaming...

a painter who lives by the sea

Check-Up

“What is uttered from the heart alone, Will win the hearts of others to your own.” [Johann Wolfgang von Goethe]

Ah the heart. Its anatomy: "a muscular organ that pumps blood to all parts of the body. The rhythmic beating of the heart is a ceaseless activity, lasting from before birth to the end of life." Its spiritual nature: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."[prov. 4:23]

----------------

The gift of a long weekend after intense travelling provokes lots of thinking. Not the kind of thinking that is a by-product of living in survival mode to get through the week, filling up my weekly planner with to-dos and to-sees. It's the kind that makes me uncomfortable because it touches cobwebbed corners in my life, daring me to start living.

Yesterday, my friend Ashley and I went for a drive. Over the course of the evening the topic turned to that of living from the heart. God has been challenging her to this kind of lifestyle. One of the many things I love about Ashley is that she responds to those challenges--because she longs to live in fullness. She is purposing to live from her heart--not out of a place of striving, but out of a place of feeling God's heart beating through her in everything that she does.

In the past, I would have quickly connected with that conversation, fully agreeing. Last night, it was a different story. I found myself trying to remember what that felt like--to live from the heart--to fight the quick pace of culture. The risky business of doing everything from a deep well. I couldn't even feel the stirring of that conviction any more. It felt numb, distant. Foreign even. Yes, I'm probably still exhausted from lots of travelling and slow deposits of rest, yet I know that this disconnect goes further back than just today. I can't blame it on the travel schedule. It's a culmination of lots of days, plus lots of days, plus lots more days...of ignoring the essentials.

So I wake up today wanting to know how to revive what feels dead (although, if I know God at all, I know that anything that feels even slightly dead is ready for a resurrection--and that thought gives hope). I want my heart to beat strong with the risk taking feistiness of kingdom seekers, past and present. Living from the heart, I'm convinced, is living with faith, hope, and love. And those are words I haven't even started to understand. All I know is that I want to get stripped down to these essentials. It's crazy to think that the essentials really are all that matters--all that you need.

-----------------

I'm thankful for a college education. It's developed character, helped me grow, connected me with some amazing individuals, brought me on crazy adventures. What I'm not excited about is how I feel jaded towards the future. What has me in a slight panic is that my bank of dreams feels like it's been held up and emptied by a terrible gunman.


May is quickly approaching. This is the May that I think I've been waiting for my entire life--the one where I walk across the stage, get the diploma, throw the cap. Where I can finally say to all the doubters, "Yes, I actually CAN finish something that I start!" Yeah. That's right. "I'm not a child of an alcoholic statistic. I'm gonna be different." The May that's supposed to push me into a bright, successful future. Where I get to make my mark on the world. Where I become a strong, independent force. Barf. When I'm not thinking correctly, life seems to revolve around and start with that day. That diploma. That degree. It's like the start of proving to the world that I can handle all those weighty expectations for success.

It's difficult to remember that life is bigger than a diploma. Thank God that definition by achievements does not have to be my story.

I just want to live for the weight of glory.

As C.S. Lewis puts it, "You and I have need of the strongest spell that can be found to wake us from the evil enchantment of worldliness."

The enchantment that anything besides Him could satisfy.

---------------

The biggest criticism I can imagine towards living from the heart is, "That seems kinda selfish." I contend for the opposite conclusion. It's the least selfish way someone can live--which is why maybe it is so hard. Like Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said, "What is uttered from the heart alone, Will win the hearts of others to your own." The heart gives fuel for fullness. If I don't take time to connect with my heart--to take care of my heart--then every good intention, every good endeavour, every good strategy for forward movement--is quickly extinguished. Or quickly manipulated. Or quickly compromised. Or quickly becomes disappointment. Or quickly turns into an addiction. You can't win the hearts of others until you tap into the things deep down inside of your own heart.

You can't live as an innocent--in purity--if your heart is not engaged in the journey. Clean hands and a pure heart--the most powerful forces in the world. A pure heart isn't just undefiled from the world. A pure heart is engaged in life--and chooses to stay tender. Purity feels pain--because it's honest. And it forgives. And it keeps believing the best. It's a fight. At least that's my theory. I'm willing to test it out and see if it holds truth.

--------------

I gotta be honest. I have no idea how to live from the heart (thus the numbness and disconnect). But I want to learn.

--------------

So in the words of a song that was playing during yesterday's drive, I close this unfinished blog with Mumford and Sons...

"How fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in your lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
This weakness I feel I must finally show
Lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
But lend me your heart and I'll just let you fall
Lend me your eyes I can change what you see
But your soul you must keep, totally free
In these bodies we will live, in these bodies we will die
Where you invest your love, you invest your life
Awake my soul, awake my soul
Awake my soul
You were made to meet your maker."

lalalalala

Trying to figure out what subject to choose for my senior project documentary....

Help me, O God, to listen to what it is that makes my heart glad, and to follow where it leads. May joy, not guilt, Your voice, not the voices of others, Your will, not my willfulness, be the guide that leads me to my vocation. Help me unearth the passions of my heart that lay burried in my youth. And help me to go over that ground again and again until I can hold in my hands, hold and treasure, your calling on my life.
-Ken Gire

"As you journey through life, choose your destinations well, but do not
hurry there. You will arrive soon enough. Wander the back roads and
forgotten paths, keeping your destination in your heart like the fixed
point of a compass. Seek out new voices, strange sights, and ideas
foreign to your own. Such things are riches for the soul. And if upon
arrival you find that your destination is not exactly as you dreamed
of, do not be disappointed. Think of all you would have missed but for
the journey there, and know that the true worth of your travels lies
not in where you come to be at the journey’s end, but in who you come to be
along the way."
Unknown

re-post of quotes

—the old monks made the alphabet wild: (Eavan Boland)

-that young man was not really a poet; but surely he was a poem. (Chesterton)

I don’t like formal gardens. (Disney)

Not in my house. (Mutumbo)

We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master. (Hemmingway)

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates. (Mark Twain)

I quote bad people all the time. Sometimes they're the ones who speak truth. (Brianna hahaha)

It's the thing I like most, to laugh.(Audrey Hepburn)

I said I'm not afraid anymore! Do you hear me? I'm not afraid any more!
(Home Alone!)

The reader’s job is to bring the black marks to life. (from some random PBS show)

Lucent in tenebris.

I admire kind people. (Abraham Heschel)

Wow, someone almost beat me up cause i grabbed the last mint skinny cow. (Siobhan)

I'm looking for something...that when it starts, you feel like it's from heaven. (Tom DeLonge)

World, I have overcome you…by my song and the blood of a Son. (John Mark McMillan)

I've heard Your song on the streets where I live. I've heard it over and over again..."Light a candle tonight for the losers. I have given them hope and a future." (JasonUpton)

Our love is a fairy tale, and it never has been told before. (Sinatra)

I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time. (Hobbes of calvin and…)

No sir, I just want my own voice. I'll be a doctor for others and a poet for myself. (Dr. Zhivago)

I travel well on the roads I know. (Killian)

To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go. (Mary Oliver)

Love...that is the soul of genius. (Mozart)

Compassion means going directly to those people and places where suffering is most acute and building a home there. (Henri Nouwen)

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. (Micah 6:8)

Surprise ending. Wouldn't want to ruin it for you. (Big Fish!)

You turn me into somebody loved.
(The weepies)

I’d like to know someone
Who knows deep where they come from.
(Meg Hutchinson)

I'm not some assignment.
(Dawes)

Where there is great love, there are always miracles. (WillaCather)

Don’t settle yourself for the wisdom of men.
(JasonUpton)

The LORD will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. (Isaiah 58:11)

Are Jesus and I interested in the same things? (Gary Haugen)

Becoming a son that is a bond-servant. Help me learn to love You unto death. (Ashley)

"Another kind of leader must arise from among us. He must be the old prophet type, a man who has seen visions of God and has heard a voice from the throne. When he comes (and I pray God there will be many) he will stand in flat contradiction to everything our smirking, smooth civilization holds dear. He will contradict, denounce and protest in the name of God and will earn the hatred and opposition of a large segment of Christendom. Such a man is likely to be lean, rugged, blunt-spoken and a little bit angry with the world. He will love Christ and the souls of men to the point of willingness to die for the glory of the one and the salvation of the other. But he will fear nothing that breaths with mortal breath." -a.w. tozer

In the words of Jon Foreman

"Darkness cannot cast out darkness. You need a light for that. Fear cannot cast out fear. You're gonna need hope for that... death warrants more death. But I believe life wants more life and I'm convinced that the greatest weapon we've got is LOVE! And maybe, in a world full of fighters, in a world imploding with hate, maybe to be a lover, you gotta be a fighter. Maybe that's the biggest fight, the only fight worth fighting, the fight you're gonna be in for the rest of your life."

Promise Keeper

Tomorrow I am going to cross the atlantic for the second time in 2010--and it's still only January. Only God could have put that together. I'm in awe.

I was thinking today while driving home from school about how everytime I say, "God, I give you everything"--I am completely dependent on Him helping me live in that place of surrender.

The day has come!

First day of the last semester of senior year in undergrad life.

*shew*

Only by the grace of God have I come to see this day. And He is faithful. This will be the best year yet.

becoming an innocent

The journey to get back home from Ireland was quite an experience. On the six hour plane ride from Shannon to Newark, I was in a window seat (my favorite) next to a lovely young Irish couple from Limerick. In front of me was a little boy and his dad. The little boy also occupied the window seat, sitting directly in front of me. It was not long before he captivated my attention.

The little boy sat staring out the window, both on take-off and on landing. He couldn't get enough of the little cars, little people, little houses, defined geography. I watched him turn to his dad every so often to excitedly point out a new observation.

I remembered as I watched him how I was just like that when I was little. Why did that astonishment disappear in some ways? I still get touched by the colors in the sky and the patterns on the ground. But it doesn't make me dream like it used to--it doesn't make me sit back in total wonder of the greatness of God.

This year, being what it was, I think without realizing it a part of my heart got hardened towards wonder. I took that grown-up route of jadedness--of having to be practical with my life and figure everything out in understandable terms. I let my heart get mistrustful towards people--and in the process, it got hard towards God.

That little boy's wonder convicted me. A child-like, innocent wonder need not be lost with growing older. I want it back. I want it back this year, 2010. Every area where I've been disinterested in the movements of God's heart, I want to get softened.

"God, make me an innocent again. Give me that wonder of a child who flies in the air for the first time."

Ay-yi-yi

(picture taken while heading up to the Cliffs of Moher)

Ireland is beautiful. I will definitely be going back.

However, being an English speaking country does not mean that there is no need for a translator. sometimes I was wondering if we were really speaking the same language...which is all part of the cultural experience, I suppose.

There are so many stories to tell--people we met, places we visited, failed plans that led to new adventures--but those will have to wait until I get some decent sleep.

Connemera

Quiet Man Bridge, Farmland, Our Cottage