back from a hiatus

"the spirit of man is the lamp of the Lord, searching all the inner depths of his heart."
-proverbs 20:27

My blog hiatus is now over, and it may take some time to actually formulate words again. I'm sure there are many thoughts from the past month or so that will eventually make it onto the computer screen...

That being said, it's been a busy few months. My stint in politics is over, and I feel myself craving academia and art and adventure. I'm thrilled by the idea that there are no limits--that God is faithful to my heart because He's the one who formed it and placed dreams on the inside of me. Sometimes I wonder if the times He takes us through that are uncomfortable and "out of our element" are partly meant to remind us of what we are meant to do, creating an intensity inside of us that will pursue that call even when things get rough.

I wonder exactly what it means to have the inner depths of the heart searched out; if it is both a purging and a stirring. I'm sure that it is full of paradox, just like the Kingdom.

The purging of the last few months came at high levels of heat--working long hours in close quarters, seven days a week. There were times where I felt like I was observing myself from outside of myself, wondering what choices I would make and if I would pursue love. I failed multiple times, wondering if the prodigal child really does make it home to the Father in the end, scared that I would allow myself to harden up when things didn't go how I may have desired.

But God is faithful, and He is always there, ready to give a big hug. He gave me lots of hugs over the past few months, and for that I am still alive. :) Some of those hugs came in the form of real flesh--people who have become like family to me--people who I would give my life for if it was ever necessary. I don't think money can buy that kind of an experience; one where I am challenged to love more deeply and more fully--and where I get to experience that same kind of love from others. It's better than all the gold in the world.

There is so much more to write, I'm sure. It will come...

For now, I am just going where I feel the Holy Spirit lead, and I know that it will continue to be more than worth any sacrifice that must be paid.

God, thank you for your faithfulness.