in Your light we see light.

I wrote this a while ago...but never posted it.




"For with You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light.”
-King David (Psalm 36:9)

Whoever thought that such a short amount of life could hold so many secrets. It’s like yesterday is connected to all the other yesterdays, and they are the only ones who understand each other. It’s hard to explain myself to someone who wasn’t there with me in those yesterdays—who never walked in those experiences or internalized the heartaches and joys. It’s hard to be vulnerable with those yesterdays, because in them is a part of me—and often those parts are the ones I want to keep hidden in the past. Sometimes it just feels like a bunch of fragmented pieces that don't make much sense.

Yesterday is full of memories, and each memory taught me something. Each memory marked me in some way. My concern now is whether or not I learned the right lessons—if I responded correctly to both the blessings and blows of life.

One thing that I am confronted with is the measure of authority yesterday deserves in speaking into my today. So many opportunities have been missed because I associated today with the mistakes of yesterday, and in so doing, I allowed the shame of the past to isolate me from the good things of my present. Like a jail house, I believe I deserve these bars and chains. But does yesterday really desrve that kind of weight in my life?

I want to make peace with my yesterday so I can walk free in my today. It’s hard to believe that the past does not need to dictate the future—that I can dream pure dreams and love without fear.

I want to see light in God's light. The future is too expansive to keep dwelling on the past. I have to stop making excuses based upon mistakes, some which were not even my own but for some reason I think I need to pay the penalty. The enemy does come in like a flood—with lies that seem so real. But God raises up a standard.


Even after months of extreme processing and changing, dreams still burn in me. I want to travel and preach the Gospel. I HAVE to. No nation is off limits. No people group is isolated from my heart. I really do want nations for my inheritance. I really do want people to know who the Father really is and that there is a place at His table just for them to come and feast. I really do want the truth of Jesus Christ to invade governments and societies, bringing true change that can be documented—change that history books will record and give the credit to God.


And now is when I decide what I will do. "Forget what is behind and press on..." cause now is a perfect time to start preparing for what is ahead--to start thinking differently--to make peace with some of the brokenness and mistakes of yesterday. The choice: Is up to me. God's eyes are glancing downt he road, beckoning for me to look with Him at what is ahead. Today is a NEW day. I'm moving on, moving up, trusting HIM.