Breakfast at Tiffany's and Audrey Hepburn. At their best.

" You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself. "
-- Breakfast at Tiffany's

"When a girl is quiet, millions of things are running through her head. When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply. When a girl looks starely at you, she is wondering how long you will be around. When a girl answers "I'm fine", she is not fine. When a girl lays her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be hers forever. When a girl calls you everyday she wants your attention. When a girl wants to see you everyday, she wants to be loved and pampered by you. When a girl says "I love you," she means it. And when a girl says she misses you, no one in this world can miss you more than she does. The beauty of a woman is not the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides"
-Audrey Hepburn

A Favorite Quote.

"Every man gives his life for what he believes. And every woman gives her life for what she believes. Sometimes people believe in little or in nothing, yet they give their lives to that little or nothing. One life is all we have. We live it, and it's gone. But to live without belief is more terrible than dying, even more terrible than dying young." --Joan of Arc

in Your light we see light.

I wrote this a while ago...but never posted it.




"For with You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light.”
-King David (Psalm 36:9)

Whoever thought that such a short amount of life could hold so many secrets. It’s like yesterday is connected to all the other yesterdays, and they are the only ones who understand each other. It’s hard to explain myself to someone who wasn’t there with me in those yesterdays—who never walked in those experiences or internalized the heartaches and joys. It’s hard to be vulnerable with those yesterdays, because in them is a part of me—and often those parts are the ones I want to keep hidden in the past. Sometimes it just feels like a bunch of fragmented pieces that don't make much sense.

Yesterday is full of memories, and each memory taught me something. Each memory marked me in some way. My concern now is whether or not I learned the right lessons—if I responded correctly to both the blessings and blows of life.

One thing that I am confronted with is the measure of authority yesterday deserves in speaking into my today. So many opportunities have been missed because I associated today with the mistakes of yesterday, and in so doing, I allowed the shame of the past to isolate me from the good things of my present. Like a jail house, I believe I deserve these bars and chains. But does yesterday really desrve that kind of weight in my life?

I want to make peace with my yesterday so I can walk free in my today. It’s hard to believe that the past does not need to dictate the future—that I can dream pure dreams and love without fear.

I want to see light in God's light. The future is too expansive to keep dwelling on the past. I have to stop making excuses based upon mistakes, some which were not even my own but for some reason I think I need to pay the penalty. The enemy does come in like a flood—with lies that seem so real. But God raises up a standard.


Even after months of extreme processing and changing, dreams still burn in me. I want to travel and preach the Gospel. I HAVE to. No nation is off limits. No people group is isolated from my heart. I really do want nations for my inheritance. I really do want people to know who the Father really is and that there is a place at His table just for them to come and feast. I really do want the truth of Jesus Christ to invade governments and societies, bringing true change that can be documented—change that history books will record and give the credit to God.


And now is when I decide what I will do. "Forget what is behind and press on..." cause now is a perfect time to start preparing for what is ahead--to start thinking differently--to make peace with some of the brokenness and mistakes of yesterday. The choice: Is up to me. God's eyes are glancing downt he road, beckoning for me to look with Him at what is ahead. Today is a NEW day. I'm moving on, moving up, trusting HIM.

----

This morning when I woke up, I felt God ask me,"Remember when you used to dance just for Me?" As He asked that, instead of feeling guilt for forgetting, peace flooded my heart. Every confused thought went silent as I remembered what this life is really all about...and what it's really not about (those treasures that moth and rust will destroy but for some reason we persist in trying to obtain).

Ah Jesus, thank You for the reminder. I love you. I want to dance just for You again.

"Rain turns the sand into mud
Wind turns the trees into bone
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved.

Nights when the heat had gone out
We danced together alone
Cold turned our breath into clouds
We never said what we were dreaming of
But you turned me into somebody loved.

Someday when we're old and worn
Like two softened shoes
I will wonder on how I was born
The night I first ran away from you.

Now my feet turn the corner back home
Sun turns the evening to rose
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved."
(Somebody Loved, by The Weepies)

25 m.p.h.

May 8. 2009. 2:12.
afternoon.

I was driving home on back roads today. On those roads, the speed limit never goes over 25 mph. I have this bad habit of not checking how fast I go when I'm on those roads, lost in thought and music, which results in driving a lot faster than five over.

Today was different. My sister got pulled over yesterday for speeding....on a similar back road. Three points on her record. A large fine. Lots of hassle with trying to get those points off.

And I've been guilty of the exact same thing...just somehow I've never been caught.

So today I paid attenion. I looked down at my speedometer once and noticed I was nearing 40 in the 25. I slowed down FAST, looking around to see if any cops were hiding in the bushes, just waiting for me to come around the corner. The people behind me didn't seem rushed. I was expecting them to ride my bumper and then quickly pass me, and it surprised me when they didn't.

I came to the stop light--the miraculous passage way that exits 25 mph and enters the zone of 40 mph. You better believe that once I got into the new speed limit section, I went straight up to 40. In about a second I was up to 45, so HAPPY to drive faster than what felt like crawling.

And then it hit me. I HATE going slow. Not just in driving, but in life. I hate it when things take a long time. When I have to slow down and I don't understand why besides a dumb sign standing on the side of the road. When life switches from 40 mph down to 20 and then back to 40, it's hard for me to make those transitions graciously. Maybe that's why I've never actually fallen in love or written that story I've been meaning to write for years. I just like to GO and not stop. I hate to stop. I hate hate hate hate hate it.

And that is not a good thing.

I wonder if I'm so critical of life's pace changing because I don't understand the reason. If I think it's because of a dumb sign that was placed on the side of the road to spite me, I'm going to miss the brilliance of a moment in being wrapped up in frustration...a moment that could be a perfect opportunity to plan for when things start moving fast again. (Ok, I'm still not convinced of this, but I'm working on it...)

When life slows down, I gotta learn to roll with it. And when it speeds up again, I gotta be alright with that too. Cause for some reason, which could have something to do with growing up in an area that is surrounded by fast moving folks, I have a really hard time appreciating the slow. I think I'm missing something if I'm not moving quick. But what if the exact opposite is the case? What if I'm missing a huge quality of life factor because I never embrace slowing down?

Yeah. I'm still chewing on these thoughts...trying to sort through why I have such a hard time withe the 25 mph times in life. Hopefully I'll get some understanding so I can start appreciating life better.

Seeing the unseen

It’s early in the evening on Saturday, April 25th. In this warm weather, which feels more like an east coast summer than spring, a group of people gather in a grassy park located in front of the capitol building of Virginia. The city of Richmond is quiet as colored blankets and sleeping bags quickly cover the grass, transforming the earth into a patchwork quilt that is shaded by large trees which offer their strength and height to block out the sun’s hot rays.

Over by the edge of the grass, a blue tent is temporarily housing five-hundred peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, half of them on white bread, the rest on wheat. They are stacked like a tower, completely covering the table that is situated inside of the tent. Granola bars, water bottles, yellow Gatorade, tea, chips, fruit snacks, Chic-fil-a cups, and bags of ice accompany the sandwiches. As people steadily trickle in and out of the food tent, three students throw a Frisbee by the sidewalk, and a girl mingles among the people sitting on blankets, giving away construction paper to anyone who wants to color. As she hands out the paper, art supplies and pens start pouring out of bags onto the blankets.

It’s not every day that students, ranging from elementary school to college, join together with adults in a park for what looks like a session of arts and crafts. Even more unusual is the way they all arrived at the park, walking a mile and a half in five separate groups, with everyone holding onto ropes as they carried their book bags, sleeping bags, and pillows through the city. Yet, this group is not aimless or confused. They are full of resolve. They came as an army—an army determined to be visible to the city and the world.

What is this army’s mission?

To make sure the invisible children of Uganda are seen—and that in seeing their faces, people are compelled to act.

“People see our generation as slackers—but this is an entire, worldwide movement that is going to change everything,” said Kathryn Glushefski, a twenty-one year old who is the city leader of this group. She has final exams this week, but that is not stopping her from offering her time to this cause.

The one hundred and fifty individuals gathered in Richmond are not standing alone. They are connected with thousands all across the world who are united for the same cause—one that became a movement after three young guys went to Uganda in 2003 in search of a story.

Instead, a story found them—one more tragic than they expected. The three guys arrived home to Southern California with a burden to tell the world about “a tragedy that disgusted and inspired them, a tragedy where children are both the weapons and the victims,” as their website puts it.

Their documentary, Invisible Children, came next. It is now inspiring a generation to lay down their lives. “Defining and redefining our priorities,” is how one of the promotional videos on YouTube phrases the goal.

This fifty-five minute documentary started a grassroots movement that is raising awareness in a rapid way. In 2006 people across the world united together to night commute. In 2007 they displaced themselves. Now, two years later, they are abducting themselves to rescue the children of Uganda. This event, which is why the group is gathered this spring evening in Richmond, Virginia, is called the Rescue, which is intended to make the world aware of the plight of the abducted child soldiers.

“It requires a lot of money. It’s a hard time right now but if you can give, that’s awesome,” Kathryn shared later in a pre-written speech made on a makeshift sound system set up on a sidewalk in front of the capitol building. Her mom and dad sat close-by, proud of their daughter.

“I’m hoping people are choosing to give out of their lack. It’s almost like you put the blinders on and give. Hopefully it is in a more heartfelt fashion,” Kathryn’s mom said. She hopes that people will give even during a hard economic time.

“Right now we have the possibility to do anything,” said 14 year old Courtney Brothers, whose passion for justice is so strong that she believes anything is possible. She drove four hours with her parents to join in on The Rescue. She feels a responsibility to help the children of Uganda.

“This is something that isn’t about money. It’s something I can do with my time. And we can make a difference by just showing we care,” said Daniel Jeter, a twenty-two year old film student at Regent University who is at the Rescue with a group of his friends. “I’m hoping to see a bigger picture—even in a crappy economy we still have it good,” he said.

These individuals are sacrificing their comforts to fight for the freedom of the invisible children of Uganda. All of them are aware of the fluctuations of the economy. That doesn’t stop them from giving of not just their time, but their money. Many of those gathered across the world are members of TRI, where each member gives three dollars a week to help free the child soldiers.

“It’s humbling and incredible to see the sacrifice,” said Kathryn.

The coloring and letter writing continues. Senators and Representatives will receive the letters and colored pictures in their mailbox soon. The hope of those sending the mail is that hearts will be stirred and consciences challenged to act.

“It’s crazy to feel so connected to something thousands of miles away. I have to do something. If I don’t, that’s just crazy,” Kathryn said. She voices the thoughts of thousands across the world.

Soon the group will leave the park and journey another mile to set up camp for the night. As they gather their things to move out, the resolve remains to make sure the invisible children of Uganda are seen.

--d.e.e.p.--

We will go before God to be judged, and God will ask us: 'Where are your wounds?' and we will say, 'We have no wounds.' And God will ask, 'Was nothing worth fighting for?'" Allan Boesak