Monday, October 24, 2011

devoutly hopeful

The unexpected path, unchartered land.  They are always finding me.  There is something about the unknown that is hopeful.  It holds within it a future that's not yet decided, which means a chance for things to be different.  It summons the pioneer in me--the part of my heart that isn't willing to let the story be finished with a sentence of defeat because I've experienced too much good to believe this is all there is to the story.

Even if my family occupies the gossip train for the rest of our lives, while everyone is whispering the once closely held secrets of all that we didn't know how to hide, I'm going to let the shame stay here in this city while I put on my traveler's bag once again and head towards water.  The shame can't come with me.  It's not part of my name.   I'll find a way to harness all the things that feel broken and confused into something that brings life and healing to others, and the story is going to be one of strength to strength, glory to glory.

Time for a new chapter.

What's been invested was not a waste.  Only heaven can truly understand these tensions we live in, the ones for which we try so hard to find reasonable explanations.  What's done is done, but it wasn't a waste.    

No regret.  Just hope, faith, love.

These are the times I get to experience what those words really mean, as they become verbs I get to live, not just words I fit into sentences to sound spiritual.

Selah.



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