le grá go deo

le grá go deo: with love forever

“…many men will read your Word but they'll never change their mind. But I will not forget you.”

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Life.
A roof in the middle of Managua, high enough over the city to spy on people who are walking under the night sky. The middle of a field in Kenya where stars are probably as bright as the ones Abraham saw. Lonely woods with rivers that trickle through the forest, drawing nature to come quench its thirst. Acoustic guitars strumming the chords of songs that seem sad, yet connect you with a longing that is deep within every heart. A well told story. Accents. Russia. Hiking trails and long walks. International food. Tea. Canoeing adventures—especially when the canoe tips and everyone gets wet. Building forts. Hide and seek. Shadow puppets. Lightning bugs in a jar with holes pierced in the top, to make sure they don’t die while serving as a nightlight. Peter Pan. Adventures. Waves. Eating brownie batter. Bonfires. Laughing until you cry. Good memories. Airplane rides. Time changes. Road trips. Movies that are so good, you never want to leave…you just want to live there, with the characters. Restored friendships. Fresh revelation. Renewed hope.

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Death.
Losing a best friend. A favorite tree to climb gets struck by lightning— the perfect sitting branch is lost to the elements. Moving out of a well-loved neighborhood. Breaking a favorite childhood movie. Finding out people who were once in love are now getting a divorce. Overhearing a conversation that maligns your perception of yourself. Witnessing the tears of an aunt as she holds a two year old who is dying with AIDs. Lost dreams. Heart-breaking rejections. When your heart hurts so bad that you literally feel the ache. Someone you love doesn’t love you back. Not knowing if you will ever be able to love or trust again. Discovering that a hero isn't perfect. Feeling insignificant and forgotten—passed over for someone new, like old shoes that are tossed aside for something better. For a moment wishing you never knew someone because they cut you so deeply. Depression. Feeling like a wrong word can never be mended…and that a “no” can never turn to a “yes”. Decisions that you regret, yet they seem final and unable to be altered. Unforgiveness. Feeling misunderstood. Secrets that seem too heavy to become undone. Unrequited love. Regret. Letting go. Confusion over what to do, how to love, who to let close.
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Sometimes there are no words. Sometimes there are too many words.
But when sorrow tries to overshadow hope, I remember:

“In life we journey forward. We put our hand in His. We don’t always do everything perfectly, but we move forward with trust in His beauty, love, and goodness. No fear when my little hand is in His humungous hand!” (–mom)

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And with love forever, I remember You. With love forever, I know that You hold my hand through every storm. With love forever, I know that in Your eyes, I will never be passed over—Your love never grows cold and Your attention is never diverted from watching over my life.

With love forever. I dedicate myself to You.

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Resurrection
You wound me so I become whole. You silence me so I learn how to speak. You break me so I can fly. You lead me into a wilderness in order to romance me.
It’s when I feel like I’ve lost my sight, my hearing, my voice—You teach me how to really see, to really hear, to really speak.
It’s in the storm that I realize I’ve known the Thunder Maker all along. He blows down my defenses, wounds my plans for retreat. And when the wind leaves me completely exposed, He teaches me again the beauty of my heart in His—what it feels like to beat in unity. “Me in Him and Him in me.”

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Your ways are not my ways. Never will I fully understand that you don’t think like man. Even in the depths of hell, you come to me—You shine your light where darkness feels like it will never cease. When others run in retreat, you visit me. Even there, You speak purpose and destiny over my life. When I feel like my problems are too heavy and my secrets too deep—you whisper over me that already You know them all—and they don’t scare You. Still You want me. When it feels like dreams will never come again, you bring rest, opening my eyes to a whole new sight. This—really is—too wonderful for me to comprehend.

“You are all around me—in front and in back—and have put your hand on me.”
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Abba, I will not forget You.
Your smile has won my heart. Your songs are my favorite.
Your jokes are my favorite. They make me laugh every time.
Your tears...they move my heart.
Your promises confound my imagination.
You never leave me.
Even when I mess up, You stick around.
You don't leave me to die in the wilderness.
Shame doesn't stand a chance next to Your unrelenting love.
Never will there be a love like Yours.
I want my life to be a dance for You.
Thank You for everything.
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With love forever.