How did he do it?

I've had the privelege and honor of knowing amazing people in my lifetime. The thing about me is that I love connecting with people's hearts, and getting to know the things that stir them. sometimes it's simply to watch their eyes start glowing. There is nothing that invigorates me more than talking about the Kingdom and about Jesus and telling stories about the greatness of God. I love to strategize with my friends, and search for creative ways to reach out to the people around us. Often, I leave wanting to be more like Jesus after seeing the passion in one of my brothers or sisters.

It is amazing to me that we have a tie that brings us together far deeper than anything of this world...a tie that stems out of covenant, which can only be broken by your own personal choice. It goes beyond language, culture, denomination, background, and anything else. It's Jesus, and His blood. It's the fellowship with the same Holy Spirit, despite what language you speak. It's being adopted as a son and daughter by Father and being a part of a radical seeded Kingdom. This unity came about through the highest price being paid--the blood of the King of heaven--of royalty that dwelt among humanity to become for them a lamb that could be slain for the salvation of the world. A lion never wants to take the form of a lamb. Yet, Jesus did. For love.

I have found it true that when you love much, you also hurt much. Not in a bad, heartbroken, depressed way--but in a way that knows when you have to leave the people you appreciate, that you will miss them and their company. Actually, sometimes that does cause your heart to feel "broken" for a time, because you've had the privelege of sharing with another's heart for a season.

It makes me wonder about Jesus. I know He was strong and brave, but if Paul felt that intense love for the saints, Jesus must have felt it even more intensely. Especially since Paul said in Phil. 1 that, "God beareth me record how greatly I long after you all from the very heart root in Iesus Christ." Wow--the very heart root of Jesus was what Paul compared the emotions and love of his heart to. In John 17, Jesus prayed for his disciples, "that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast beloved them, as thou hast loved me." The Father "beloved" them, and Jesus must have felt that affection, since He was so in synch with the heart of heaven. That's powerful.

Yet, Jesus' love compelled him to leave, and not to stay. That's hard. His time with His best friends, Peter, James, and John, must have been sweet. So many memories were a part of their journey, which was intensely intimate over the span of three years. John got to lean on His chest. Peter got to learn from Him about second chances. James learned who the greatest servant was. And even in the midst of the lessons, they remained friends, and grew even closer.

FOr the first time, I am wondering if that added to the agony of the cross--the heartache in Gethsemane as Jesus prayed to the Father to take the cup. I know the knowledge of the pain would have been enough for me to cry out, yet I still wonder if the affection He had for His disciples ever made Him long to stay in community, spending precious nights talking about the Kingdom of God and challenging them to be disciples of love. I know I would miss that. I do miss that when I feel the Holy Spirit calling me to a new place.

The thing about Jesus' prayer in John 17 that strikes me the most is the feeling I get of reckless abandonment in His words. His heart is surrendered to the will of the Father, and the Father's will supersedes even a longing to be with His disciples. He cries out to the Father for unity. For love. He turned His eyes to heaven at the very start of the prayer and said, "Father, the hour is come; glorify thy Son, that thy Son also may glorify thee". He was after the glory of the Father. And He set the example, as the Teacher, for His disciples to be after the same...no matter what it would cost.

That makes me want to cry in appreciation. Jesus gave up everything at the cross--and it was because of love. And Paul had this same heart beatng in him, and so his life became a drink offering--and it was because of love.

Sometimes I wish that I wasn't in the process of learning to hear the voice and quickening of the Holy Spirit. But all of my reasons are selfish, like not wanting to take the responsibility and duty of what I hear Him say to my heart as I still myself and listen. God wants to be glorified through His saints. And sometimes that glory means leaving a community that you love to go to an unknown land. That unknown land doesn't necessarily mean some foreign nation. It could be moving across to a different part of the city that really needs to hear about Jesus. I guess that would be nice because you could still be close to friends:-) (Which I know God loves!)

I just want to know how Paul did it--how he moved on from a church he loved to go to nations that did not know the truth or have a foundation laid. How did his heart handle the intensity of that separation? To me, that is reckless abandonment to the extreme--and a radical trust in God, that He will be everything that you need for every season He calls you to walk through and everey place He sends your feet to tread. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to only connect with the people who I know I will be around for a longer period of time--because then it would be less likely I would leave them as often. HOwever, that thought doesn't stick around for long because I can't imagine missing out on all of the other amazing friendships as the Lord networks His children. I am convinced that He is building an army--and we don't even understand why he brings about certain connections. But He does. And it's for His Kingdom and so the Father will be glorified. So even if I have to go on an expedition like Paul, or get sentenced to the Island of Patmos like John, I want to keep loving with everything inside of me. That's how Jesus loved. I want to be like Him. Since I know I can't do it on my own, I am praying that the Lord would teach me to love--and I am thanking HIm that the love of God has been shed abroad in my heart by the Holy Spirit. What an incredible thought! What an amazing God.

So...how did he do it? I probably still dont' know, but I have a few ideas. Reckless abandonment was the fruit of His love for the Father, and the Father had His full attention--as number one in His list of loves. Above all, He had to obey HIm, because when you love, you obey. I think that's how He could do the things He did.