This morning met me with the barking of dogs and people coming in and out of the house in the normal morning bustle that is synonymous with my family.  There was something about this morning that felt a bit off, and I realized that I had been dreaming all night about the chemistry exam I took yesterday, rehearsing all the problems in my sleep that I should have known how to do but forgot when it actually counted.  Ah the disappointment of preparation that just doesn't seem to carry through to the end of the task.

After mulling around for a bit in self-pity, I went outside to sit on my porch.  Being greeted by the chirping of birds and morning air that reminds me of a lovely Nicaraguan summer never fails to coax me out of a bad mood.  It also has the effect of a truth serum on me for some reason--one of those settings where all I can do is be perfectly honest with myself and with God, uttering prayers that sound more like what I really feel than what I pretend to feel to sound like a good follower of Him.  I'm pretty sure He likes those conversations better anyways--the ones where I finally own up to the things in my heart, but where I also get to praise him in the place where nothing seems to be moving forward in my life.  If you think about it, heaven isn't the place where we get to press through the hard stuff and feel the beauty of His goodness in the times that don't make sense.  That's for now, for this place where we live in a place of continually learning what it means to have eternity written on our hearts, to trust that God sees the big picture and that He satisfies the desires of our hearts in the richest, deepest, most fulfilling way.