"Tiredness has nothing to do with work...The intelligence only grows and bears fruit in joy."
-Sione Weil
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Attentiveness to God...
"consists of suspending our thought, leaving it detached, empty, and ready to be penetrated by the object...All wrong translations, all absurdities in geometry problems, all clumsiness of style, and all faulty connections of ideas in compositions and essays, all such things are due to the fact that thought has seized upon some idea too hastily, and being thus prematurely blocked, is not open to the truth. The cause is always that we have wanted to be too active; we have wanted to carry out a search...We do not obtain the most precious gifts by going in search of them but by waiting for them." -Simone Weil
"consists of suspending our thought, leaving it detached, empty, and ready to be penetrated by the object...All wrong translations, all absurdities in geometry problems, all clumsiness of style, and all faulty connections of ideas in compositions and essays, all such things are due to the fact that thought has seized upon some idea too hastily, and being thus prematurely blocked, is not open to the truth. The cause is always that we have wanted to be too active; we have wanted to carry out a search...We do not obtain the most precious gifts by going in search of them but by waiting for them." -Simone Weil
Thursday, December 15, 2011
transitions
Today, I drove my dad to his first day of work at his new job. He's giving taxi cab driving a try. Pastor to cab driver is a big change. This transition alone is showing me just how much our society encourages definitions to be created by "what we do" versus "who we are" and that is something I am guilty of too.
Shame. It really shouldn't exist.
Get me to the trash dumps asap please. To the "unwanted" and "forgotten" who have nothing yet still manage to have way more joy and life satisfaction than me. Teach me how to really live.
Shame. It really shouldn't exist.
Get me to the trash dumps asap please. To the "unwanted" and "forgotten" who have nothing yet still manage to have way more joy and life satisfaction than me. Teach me how to really live.
brewing frustrations
they always end up expressing themselves in some way.
usually not in a way that's lovely.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Quarter of a Century
I reached it. 25. What a crazy few weeks that led up to this particular point on my journey's timeline.
Last year, I wrote a letter on my birthday to bring focus to that new year of life. One thing I wrote, "God, take me down to running size."
Wow. That sounds like such a nice, pretty picture, eh? You know, the kind of scene in a movie where the inspirational soundtrack is cheering the main character on as the story hits the climax and then the resolution comes just a few minutes later, where all the hard things finally start to shift and the underdog overcomes? Yeah, I think the inspirational soundtrack forgot to show up for me. :) (just kidding. several amazing friends have provided soundtrack inspiration at just the right moments...reminding me to not give up).
One thing I know, God answers prayers and He never leaves. He answered that one (and is continuing to do so), and He's been there with me every step of the way, teaching me how to surrender my timeline to Him and all the plans that I've made.
"Lord, wound me with the reality of my own insufficiency. Lord, ruin me and wound me with the reality of the world's insufficiency until I see you alone in everything. I want to see You, Jesus. I want to see You alone in everything, because then I know all things will bring me joy."
What if this is where the story ends? What if there is no more, and it stops here, with transpired events that brought with them feelings too deep for words?
Except I know that it doesn't end here. A quarter of a century full of history with my Best Friend. A quarter of a century full of dreams and lessons and growth.
One day, God will use the things that don't make sense. And He will use them even when I don't know that's what he's doing because He's brought me so far into wholeness. Into His likeness.
"The places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned. The door was closed off to me as my back was turned..."
Last year, I wrote a letter on my birthday to bring focus to that new year of life. One thing I wrote, "God, take me down to running size."
Wow. That sounds like such a nice, pretty picture, eh? You know, the kind of scene in a movie where the inspirational soundtrack is cheering the main character on as the story hits the climax and then the resolution comes just a few minutes later, where all the hard things finally start to shift and the underdog overcomes? Yeah, I think the inspirational soundtrack forgot to show up for me. :) (just kidding. several amazing friends have provided soundtrack inspiration at just the right moments...reminding me to not give up).
One thing I know, God answers prayers and He never leaves. He answered that one (and is continuing to do so), and He's been there with me every step of the way, teaching me how to surrender my timeline to Him and all the plans that I've made.
"Lord, wound me with the reality of my own insufficiency. Lord, ruin me and wound me with the reality of the world's insufficiency until I see you alone in everything. I want to see You, Jesus. I want to see You alone in everything, because then I know all things will bring me joy."
What if this is where the story ends? What if there is no more, and it stops here, with transpired events that brought with them feelings too deep for words?
Except I know that it doesn't end here. A quarter of a century full of history with my Best Friend. A quarter of a century full of dreams and lessons and growth.
One day, God will use the things that don't make sense. And He will use them even when I don't know that's what he's doing because He's brought me so far into wholeness. Into His likeness.
"The places that used to fit me cannot hold the things I've learned. The door was closed off to me as my back was turned..."
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