OCD

Tonight I made some decaf coffee. When I went to get a mug, I didn't just grab any mug. I had to have the one that was the most aesthetically pleasing to my eyes. So I took out the nice marbley black one. Why the heck does that matter?! Why couldn't I just drink out of the one that says, "Praise the Lord!" or "World's best _________." Why did I just want a basic, clean, simple mug? I am just not sure. Maybe I should find out.

I also hate re-using those plastic cups that people use at parties. My mom used to have us wash them and keep them. I'm glad she abandoned that practice. OH, and I like the table settings to always match--and only be plastic if absolutely necessary.

And when I go to sleep at night, if I am in a rush and run out of time to make my bed in the morning, I have to make it before I proceed to unmake it and go to sleep.

What is wrong with me?

let's insist on the impossible

"So come on let's be young, let's be crass enough to care...
we could insist on the impossible."
-Frank Turner, Love Ire & Song

"Let's turn our prayers into outrageous dares." -Wilco


What does it look like to insist on the impossible? What exactly do I mean when i say I want to see the impossible happen? To live in a place of intimacy with the Father, while simultaneously risking it all on Him--prayers turned into outrageous dares? For what?

I want to know what that looks like. I want to live what that looks like.

Not settling for the wisdom of men. The esteem of men. The pleasures of this world.

"What is impossible with men is possible with God."
-Jesus, Luke 18:27

Ah! To live like I believe this. That's what I'm craving.

Ten more weeks?!?

Another night at the j-lab is wrapping up. My flash projects are complete. My documentary treatment is in progress.

Just.Ten.More.Weeks.

Wow.

As much as I'm getting cabin fever, I'm gonna miss this place, the friends I've made, the beach, the lovely j-lab that's become more like my room than my actual room (sad, I know).

Learning how to transition is notvery graceful. At least I don't feel very graceful in it. I think it would be cool to walk around like I was Audrey Hepburn all the time--always seeming intact. But maybe the point of all this craziness is brilliant--Cause then I get to trust Abba. "Blessed are those who don't know where they're going." Hrmph. To show weakness. Ouch. But in the end, "Yaaaaaaaaaay!"

On that note, I like surprises and all, but I wouldn't mind a small hint.

:-)

And now it's time to call it a night.

Owen Barfield poem

What is the sound of light?
The relative speed of thought?
How to measure synaptic delay
Sensation and cognition
The curve of the energy
And what happens in the gaps?

What is the sound of light?
The relative speed of thought?
How to measure the curve of the Universe?
The vaulting arc of expansion and spirit?

The great cosmos an interior vector
A point and direction deep in the soul
Be still, turn inward, and ride the arc up
Listen to the speed of the spirit
And feel the sound of light

After all, we are stewards not kings
Because though we naturally
Must possess all things
For anything to be
Only an eye single to darkness
Caught up in the roaring
Of data and stress
Could finally fail to see
That the world is not me

You can take nothing
There is only giving
No annihilation possible
There is only living

If only seeing is believing
Then night must surely fall
Alone in the dregs of grieving
We swallow it all

Lost on the edge of space
Loneliness says to face
Okay, I see it your way
Let’s turn this awful night to day

What is the sound of light?
The relative speed of thought?
The only measure
A deep buried treasure
Is caught up in song inside
We cannot stand above it
At last we must just love it
And go along for the ride

Listening to Mumford and Sons All Morning!

"There is a design, an alignment, a cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be."

[from Sigh No More]

Love Well...

"Dante, who loved well because he hated, Hated wickedness that hinders love..."


-the brilliant robert browning.