to give thanks.
---
my uncle's good taste in music and his passion to make sure people are eating good food...and frequently.
my cousins' hugs.
my aunt's incredible wisdom and business sense.
boston in the fall.
parking spots on mass ave after 5 pm.
the old man who walks his dog while riding a bike.
the young man singing while biking through cambridge.
opportunity to learn.
sitting in a class where I can learn about motion...math applied.
food. a place to live. family close by. warmth. music. a camera to capture moments. calculators. trail mix (it's cheap and kinda nutritious). green tea. coffee. chocolate covered berries. walking to and from work. an ipod with good music. shoes. a coat. clean water. deoderant. running water. contacts, glasses. pens. paper. clear mind.
my old journals that remind me of my heart's journey, God's faithfulness, the worth of risk and the reward of a heart when it frees itself from things that keep it from going hard after Jesus.
FRIENDSHIP. Oh my goodness, I have the greatest friends in the world.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Boston in the Fall
Recently I noticed many words in my vocabulary are spoken with an added definition of "hard" tacked onto their denotation.
physics--the branch of science concerned with the nature and properties of matter and energy, with movement. The subject matter of physics, distinguished from that of chemistry and biology, includes mechanics, heat, light and other radiation, sound, electricity, magnetism, and the structure of atoms. HARD.
traffic-- vehicles moving on a road or public highway. HARD.
parallel parking-- the parking of a vehicle parallel to the roadside. HARD.
Boston-- The capital and largest city of Massachusetts, in the eastern part of the state on Boston Bay, an arm of Massachusetts Bay. Founded in the 17th century, it was a leading center of agitation against England in the 18th century and a stronghold of abolitionist thought in the 19th century. Today it is a major commercial, financial, and educational hub. Population: 591,000. HARD.
***
My dad gets on the phone with me as I, close to crying, explain how I can't figure out where to park, will definitely be late for class, maybe I should turn around, I may not have enough quarters for the meter, I don't even know where the class is in the first place and it's dark out and I have no friends and the city is big. Hard. And he says take a deep breath. He reminds me that life is bigger than that present moment, that present fear, that present shake in confidence.
That was the first day going into Cambridge. It took me an hour or more to park. There were two men doing roadwork next to me, and they were the face of kindness in my panic, helping me figure out if I would get a ticket if I parked on Mass Ave for more than two hours. They asked me if I was an Orioles fan. I said yes tentatively (Red Sox territory), but they smiled, I smiled, they said, "Good. They're a good team. Good luck in class!" and I rushed off with them behind me, cheering for me to be victorious.
Once I settled that, I struggled to find the class. I was 45 minutes late for physics 1. But I found it. I pressed through. I didn't think I had it in me to press through, but I did. For most people, that may have been a typical day in their world, no problem, no struggle. Just drive, park, walk to class. For me, it was a confronting of multiple fears, and inside of that movement there was a coming of age evolution.
The semester is now entering the third week. The class is still hard. It stretches my brain, calling on me to remember trigonometry, geometry, algebraic manipulations-- things I haven't used in years, and definitely didn't use while immersing myself in the world of journalism and filmmaking. But here I am, not sure if the end will be "success" in terms of a brilliant grade, but confident that there is a different kind of success I'm walking into, and that the end is good.
I know enough about the brain from books and articles to know that the brain has the ability to build new pathways. And as I look at that spiritually, I know that as I embrace negative thoughts of defeat, it is like I am building a highway in my brain where my thoughts get stuck telling a certain kind of story. Yet the renewing mind part of scripture keeps prodding at me, offering hope, but requiring discipline. To take every thought captive. To be serious about looking at what I'm thinking and ask, "Is this the story I want my life to tell?" and from there, adjusting to a thinking position that is full of faith, full of Kingdom.
So those are highlights of my adventure so far. I am looking forward to the weather that's already starting to change to fall. I also found an awesome spot to kayak. Now that's good for the heart.
Off to another day of learning, growing. Not sure where all this leads, but I'm learning to keep my thoughts victorious even in the middle of question marks and uncertainty.
physics--the branch of science concerned with the nature and properties of matter and energy, with movement. The subject matter of physics, distinguished from that of chemistry and biology, includes mechanics, heat, light and other radiation, sound, electricity, magnetism, and the structure of atoms. HARD.
traffic-- vehicles moving on a road or public highway. HARD.
parallel parking-- the parking of a vehicle parallel to the roadside. HARD.
Boston-- The capital and largest city of Massachusetts, in the eastern part of the state on Boston Bay, an arm of Massachusetts Bay. Founded in the 17th century, it was a leading center of agitation against England in the 18th century and a stronghold of abolitionist thought in the 19th century. Today it is a major commercial, financial, and educational hub. Population: 591,000. HARD.
***
My dad gets on the phone with me as I, close to crying, explain how I can't figure out where to park, will definitely be late for class, maybe I should turn around, I may not have enough quarters for the meter, I don't even know where the class is in the first place and it's dark out and I have no friends and the city is big. Hard. And he says take a deep breath. He reminds me that life is bigger than that present moment, that present fear, that present shake in confidence.
That was the first day going into Cambridge. It took me an hour or more to park. There were two men doing roadwork next to me, and they were the face of kindness in my panic, helping me figure out if I would get a ticket if I parked on Mass Ave for more than two hours. They asked me if I was an Orioles fan. I said yes tentatively (Red Sox territory), but they smiled, I smiled, they said, "Good. They're a good team. Good luck in class!" and I rushed off with them behind me, cheering for me to be victorious.
Once I settled that, I struggled to find the class. I was 45 minutes late for physics 1. But I found it. I pressed through. I didn't think I had it in me to press through, but I did. For most people, that may have been a typical day in their world, no problem, no struggle. Just drive, park, walk to class. For me, it was a confronting of multiple fears, and inside of that movement there was a coming of age evolution.
The semester is now entering the third week. The class is still hard. It stretches my brain, calling on me to remember trigonometry, geometry, algebraic manipulations-- things I haven't used in years, and definitely didn't use while immersing myself in the world of journalism and filmmaking. But here I am, not sure if the end will be "success" in terms of a brilliant grade, but confident that there is a different kind of success I'm walking into, and that the end is good.
I know enough about the brain from books and articles to know that the brain has the ability to build new pathways. And as I look at that spiritually, I know that as I embrace negative thoughts of defeat, it is like I am building a highway in my brain where my thoughts get stuck telling a certain kind of story. Yet the renewing mind part of scripture keeps prodding at me, offering hope, but requiring discipline. To take every thought captive. To be serious about looking at what I'm thinking and ask, "Is this the story I want my life to tell?" and from there, adjusting to a thinking position that is full of faith, full of Kingdom.
So those are highlights of my adventure so far. I am looking forward to the weather that's already starting to change to fall. I also found an awesome spot to kayak. Now that's good for the heart.
Off to another day of learning, growing. Not sure where all this leads, but I'm learning to keep my thoughts victorious even in the middle of question marks and uncertainty.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
My mom and I took a roadtrip this past weekend to seal off our last year of adventure, an adventure that led us on a roadtrip out to California, passing through beautiful South Dakota, Montana, Idaho, Washington, Oregon, and settling in Shasta County, CA, where the mountains and the culture brought such peace, healing, joy, friendship.
And now that season ends with a forceful re-entering into school. For me, last minute decisions seem to help me turn my mind off and "just do it", jumping into the water and knowing I will learn how to swim, even if the water is absolutely freezing. Tonight I go to my first class in a year, Physics 1, where I have no idea if I will be able to handle the material and where I fear I will be surrounded by students with far more impressive academic backgrounds than myself. I may be the only one who says, "Oh, I spent two years of my undergrad career on movie sets and in practice tv studios...and now I want to go into, um, medicine...."
So...
Boston, Boston, take me in...and Cambridge, please be gentle with me. ;)
Here I am, ready for a new chapter, a coming of age, a fresh season. Excited, overwhelmed, in shock, expectant...and completely in awe of the provision of God and the kindness of others as I've transitioned into this new thing.
Ten years from now, I will be thankful I took this step, regardless of how it turns out.
"History says, Don't hope on this side of the grave.
But then, once in a lifetime the longed for tidal wave
of justice can rise up,
And hope and history rhyme."
-Seamus Heaney
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