a lot of grace.
I have no idea what I'm doing. No idea at all.
Friday, April 30, 2010
regaining muchness
"to disturb static shadows to bring action to resting dust."
-king charles
I'd like to disturb static shadows. To bring action to resting dust.
To never lose the "muchness" that I'm called to live in and live from and live for...forever.
Yesterday I finished college. In a week, I receive a piece of paper that apparently means a lot, even though it could easily get consumed in a fire. And not even a big fire. A little flame could destroy that paper in a matter of seconds. Awesome.
In my searching for the right word or words to describe how I'm feeling, I find fear the most common emotion behind my train of thought. Most of the time I can't wait to get into a new season, even though it's scary. I've never been a huge fan of lingering. (Although the last two years have taught me a lot about learning the beauty of lingering).
Today, however, I find myself watching the crutch of twenty three years get thrown over a cliff and it's taking me beyond uncomfortable.
I love school because I love the world of academia. And as much as I protest bubble communities, I've found myself growing accustomed to the ones I've formed in my life. My library retreats, journalism lab evenings, close knit friends. Many of those friends keep me safe and challenge me, which is a God-send.
But at times I feel my legs growing too dependent on the safety that community provides. I feel like my stand has become weak as my muscles have been given to laziness.
I want to know this...
that from here on out I will learn how to stand.
My mom told me a story when I turned sixteen. In a card she wrote out a story about the day I was born. I was a breach baby and I would not turn around in her womb. The doctor tried everything to get me to face the correct way, but I wouldn't respond. My mom told me that I was determined to stand.
Yet, standing is uncomfortable. At least for me. I find myself more a coward than a person with conviction; more an excuse maker than a standard keeper.
Yes, I believe in grace. But a grace that empowers, not a grace that enables me to stay in the mess of sin and confusion that wants to kill me.
I guess the point of all these thoughts is mostly that I want to live a life that disturbs static shadows and awakens resting dust. I don't know exactly what that means. But I am starting to learn what it doesn't mean.
I want the muchness back. The muchness that believes all is possible. The muchness that fights for justice and believes in honor. The muchness that speaks life and not death, that hopes for the best, that holds onto the promise of better things to come, that believes that there is still good in the world and that people are worth fighting for.
But more than anything, the muchness kind of life that follows Jesus everywhere. Even if that means giving up everything.
-king charles
I'd like to disturb static shadows. To bring action to resting dust.
To never lose the "muchness" that I'm called to live in and live from and live for...forever.
Yesterday I finished college. In a week, I receive a piece of paper that apparently means a lot, even though it could easily get consumed in a fire. And not even a big fire. A little flame could destroy that paper in a matter of seconds. Awesome.
In my searching for the right word or words to describe how I'm feeling, I find fear the most common emotion behind my train of thought. Most of the time I can't wait to get into a new season, even though it's scary. I've never been a huge fan of lingering. (Although the last two years have taught me a lot about learning the beauty of lingering).
Today, however, I find myself watching the crutch of twenty three years get thrown over a cliff and it's taking me beyond uncomfortable.
I love school because I love the world of academia. And as much as I protest bubble communities, I've found myself growing accustomed to the ones I've formed in my life. My library retreats, journalism lab evenings, close knit friends. Many of those friends keep me safe and challenge me, which is a God-send.
But at times I feel my legs growing too dependent on the safety that community provides. I feel like my stand has become weak as my muscles have been given to laziness.
I want to know this...
that from here on out I will learn how to stand.
My mom told me a story when I turned sixteen. In a card she wrote out a story about the day I was born. I was a breach baby and I would not turn around in her womb. The doctor tried everything to get me to face the correct way, but I wouldn't respond. My mom told me that I was determined to stand.
Yet, standing is uncomfortable. At least for me. I find myself more a coward than a person with conviction; more an excuse maker than a standard keeper.
Yes, I believe in grace. But a grace that empowers, not a grace that enables me to stay in the mess of sin and confusion that wants to kill me.
I guess the point of all these thoughts is mostly that I want to live a life that disturbs static shadows and awakens resting dust. I don't know exactly what that means. But I am starting to learn what it doesn't mean.
I want the muchness back. The muchness that believes all is possible. The muchness that fights for justice and believes in honor. The muchness that speaks life and not death, that hopes for the best, that holds onto the promise of better things to come, that believes that there is still good in the world and that people are worth fighting for.
But more than anything, the muchness kind of life that follows Jesus everywhere. Even if that means giving up everything.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
has it come? already? HOW?
I'm sitting in the j-lab with my lovely friend Kelcey Bridges, who generously volunteered to quiz me on the information I need to know for the identifying portion of my VERY LAST FINAL EXAM OF UNDERGRAD.
I am so ready to finish strong and head out to wild country.
mmmhmmm.
But I will savor this evening. And tomorrow. And then my very last class on Thursday.
God is good.
HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
no regrets. no glances back. no halfhearted end.
I am so ready to finish strong and head out to wild country.
mmmhmmm.
But I will savor this evening. And tomorrow. And then my very last class on Thursday.
God is good.
HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
no regrets. no glances back. no halfhearted end.
IF [e.e.cummings]
If freckles were lovely, and day was night,
And measles were nice and a lie warn't a lie,
Life would be delight,-
But things couldn't go right
For in such a sad plight
I wouldn't be I.
If earth was heaven, and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
There might be some sense
But I'd be in suspense
For on such a pretense
You wouldn't be you.
If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee
Things would seem fair,-
Yet they'd all despair,
For if here was there
We wouldn't be we.
And measles were nice and a lie warn't a lie,
Life would be delight,-
But things couldn't go right
For in such a sad plight
I wouldn't be I.
If earth was heaven, and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
There might be some sense
But I'd be in suspense
For on such a pretense
You wouldn't be you.
If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee
Things would seem fair,-
Yet they'd all despair,
For if here was there
We wouldn't be we.
i am a little church(no great cathedral)
i am a little church(no great cathedral)
far from the splendor and squalor of hurrying cities
-i do not worry if briefer days grow briefest,
i am not sorry when sun and rain make april
my life is the life of the reaper and the sower;
my prayers are prayers of earth's own clumsily striving
(finding and losing and laughing and crying)children
whose any sadness or joy is my grief or my gladness
around me surges a miracle of unceasing
birth and glory and death and resurrection:
over my sleeping self float flaming symbols
of hope,and i wake to a perfect patience of mountains
i am a little church(far from the frantic
world with its rapture and anguish)at peace with nature
-i do not worry if longer nights grow longest;
i am not sorry when silence becomes singing
winter by spring,i lift my diminutive spire to
merciful Him Whose only now is forever:
standing erect in the deathless truth of His presence
(welcoming humbly His light and proudly His darkness)
-ee cummings
far from the splendor and squalor of hurrying cities
-i do not worry if briefer days grow briefest,
i am not sorry when sun and rain make april
my life is the life of the reaper and the sower;
my prayers are prayers of earth's own clumsily striving
(finding and losing and laughing and crying)children
whose any sadness or joy is my grief or my gladness
around me surges a miracle of unceasing
birth and glory and death and resurrection:
over my sleeping self float flaming symbols
of hope,and i wake to a perfect patience of mountains
i am a little church(far from the frantic
world with its rapture and anguish)at peace with nature
-i do not worry if longer nights grow longest;
i am not sorry when silence becomes singing
winter by spring,i lift my diminutive spire to
merciful Him Whose only now is forever:
standing erect in the deathless truth of His presence
(welcoming humbly His light and proudly His darkness)
-ee cummings
Monday, April 26, 2010
shalom and zedakah
Peace and Justice.
Those two words motivate my heart into action. Just recently I began thinking about how they work together, which required a word study into the meaning behind the words.
I stumbled upon an article that helped me get started with research.
Taking a dive into the Hebrew...
Peace=Shalom
I've loved this word for a long time. I knew that it went beyond just peace, and actually meant wholeness, peace, joy,freedom, reconciliation, community,
harmony of all creation--both physical and spiritual,righteousness, truth, justice, communication,humanity. Jesus was saying, "Blessed are the shalom-makers." What I did not know is that "Perhaps the best English word to translate shalom is not 'peace' but the word 'Zion'" and Zion "is a state of justice where culture, institutions, and personal relationships all honor the worth of persons and the restoration of the worth of all." I need to study this out more.
Now onto the word with which I am much less familiar. Justice. God takes it seriously-- "Justice and only justice, you shall pursue..."—[deuteronomy 16:20] In my search for understanding, i stumbled upon this paragraph: "One word for justice in Hebrew is zedakah. The concept of justice in Judaism is different from Greek-Western views of this concept. The emphasis is not on "retribution" (punishment) or "distribution" (fair shares for all). It is more what human living should be like. That is why the word zedakah is not only translated into English as justice but also as righteousness, which means living a just life personally."
Often I associate justice as an action that is holding hands with mercy--"Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other." [psalm 85:10] But I never thought deeply about it in relation to peace. Now I'm starting the thinking process, and more than anything I'm realizing that both justice and peace are meant to bring about an outcome of wholeness.
Lots more studying needs to take place...
http://www.cofchrist.org/peace/
[disclaimer: I am not familiar with the church or their beliefs as a whole. I do appreciate the information that I gathered from their site on the subjects of justice and peace. That information helped me get started with some questions to ask in studying these words.]
Those two words motivate my heart into action. Just recently I began thinking about how they work together, which required a word study into the meaning behind the words.
I stumbled upon an article that helped me get started with research.
Taking a dive into the Hebrew...
Peace=Shalom
I've loved this word for a long time. I knew that it went beyond just peace, and actually meant wholeness, peace, joy,freedom, reconciliation, community,
harmony of all creation--both physical and spiritual,righteousness, truth, justice, communication,humanity. Jesus was saying, "Blessed are the shalom-makers." What I did not know is that "Perhaps the best English word to translate shalom is not 'peace' but the word 'Zion'" and Zion "is a state of justice where culture, institutions, and personal relationships all honor the worth of persons and the restoration of the worth of all." I need to study this out more.
Now onto the word with which I am much less familiar. Justice. God takes it seriously-- "Justice and only justice, you shall pursue..."—[deuteronomy 16:20] In my search for understanding, i stumbled upon this paragraph: "One word for justice in Hebrew is zedakah. The concept of justice in Judaism is different from Greek-Western views of this concept. The emphasis is not on "retribution" (punishment) or "distribution" (fair shares for all). It is more what human living should be like. That is why the word zedakah is not only translated into English as justice but also as righteousness, which means living a just life personally."
Often I associate justice as an action that is holding hands with mercy--"Mercy and truth are met together; righteousness and peace have kissed each other." [psalm 85:10] But I never thought deeply about it in relation to peace. Now I'm starting the thinking process, and more than anything I'm realizing that both justice and peace are meant to bring about an outcome of wholeness.
Lots more studying needs to take place...
http://www.cofchrist.org/peace/
[disclaimer: I am not familiar with the church or their beliefs as a whole. I do appreciate the information that I gathered from their site on the subjects of justice and peace. That information helped me get started with some questions to ask in studying these words.]
it could have been me
except it wasn't supposed to be.
sometimes that is hard to understand. and that's okay.
sometimes that is hard to understand. and that's okay.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
opportunities
all of a sudden they are exploding all over the place. which means now i have to think and exercise the decision making process that is part of that crazy thing called free will.
yes, i am an idealist
i want all of my best guy friends to marry all of my best girl friends so that we can all be friends for-ev-a....
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
"my duty is not to get people to like me--it's to get people to like His Son." -Steve Saint
Last night I went to hear the son of missionary Nate Saint speak. Nate Saint was martyred alongside four other missionaries in Ecuador in 1956. His son Steve shared stories about his own life and about what it's like to journey with Jesus and follow His trail even in hardship. I initially went to the meeting because a friend insisted that I go. And also because growing up, Jim Elliot was one of my heroes. I am so thankful that I didn't listen to my tired body, but instead chose to go.
Steve Saint inspired me in a way that is rare and precious. It was one of those nights that I will never forget, and one of those messages where I felt like a sponge soaking up every word.
As I'm getting ready to graduate in a few weeks, I find myself cherishing these last few days--trying hard to capture the moments and save them in a memory file that will never get deleted. I know that what happened in my heart last night was part of what I'm filing away because I want to be a person with the character and passion of Steve Saint. He had a presence about him that was marked by a deep understanding of both grace and forgiveness. I want to love like him and forgive like him.
As I get my diploma and move into the next season, my heart longs to live. really live. I want to trust God to write my story--Steve said last night, "the most important decision you will make in life is to let God write your story."
That's the only thing that I know about what is next. I'm settling it in my heart that the only way to go is to trust God to be the guide. I'm going His way.
Last night I went to hear the son of missionary Nate Saint speak. Nate Saint was martyred alongside four other missionaries in Ecuador in 1956. His son Steve shared stories about his own life and about what it's like to journey with Jesus and follow His trail even in hardship. I initially went to the meeting because a friend insisted that I go. And also because growing up, Jim Elliot was one of my heroes. I am so thankful that I didn't listen to my tired body, but instead chose to go.
Steve Saint inspired me in a way that is rare and precious. It was one of those nights that I will never forget, and one of those messages where I felt like a sponge soaking up every word.
As I'm getting ready to graduate in a few weeks, I find myself cherishing these last few days--trying hard to capture the moments and save them in a memory file that will never get deleted. I know that what happened in my heart last night was part of what I'm filing away because I want to be a person with the character and passion of Steve Saint. He had a presence about him that was marked by a deep understanding of both grace and forgiveness. I want to love like him and forgive like him.
As I get my diploma and move into the next season, my heart longs to live. really live. I want to trust God to write my story--Steve said last night, "the most important decision you will make in life is to let God write your story."
That's the only thing that I know about what is next. I'm settling it in my heart that the only way to go is to trust God to be the guide. I'm going His way.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
six words
clear eyes. clear head. clear heart.
i want to ride the waves.
keep your eyes on the prize.
i will walk in Your ways.
your box does not fit me.
the simple things make life beautiful.
please help me build a boat.
need bigger vocabulary to describe life.
it's the simple things for me.
........
i want to ride the waves.
keep your eyes on the prize.
i will walk in Your ways.
your box does not fit me.
the simple things make life beautiful.
please help me build a boat.
need bigger vocabulary to describe life.
it's the simple things for me.
........
now approaches the part of the story...
where saying "see you later" is communicating an indefinite leave of absence without having to say the gruesome "good-bye".
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
processing
sometimes I get mad at myself for trusting other people and for thinking I can depend on them to have my back...
i don't want to make a habit of running away; i also don't want to stay in a place where i feel shut down.
i want to be brave, not safe. but most of the time i feel like a coward clinging to what i think will keep me out of harms way.
i don't want to make a habit of running away; i also don't want to stay in a place where i feel shut down.
i want to be brave, not safe. but most of the time i feel like a coward clinging to what i think will keep me out of harms way.
concerned
with the temptation to embrace a battle cry based on a cause that never should have had my heart
Sunday, April 11, 2010
amber rubarth how i love you
and how i love that you wrote this song.
"I found a little pot, took it in the kitchen, filled it with some dirt, planted a chrysanthemum. And you should’ve seen how it turned my mood to yellow, it turned my mood to yellow in a day. I read about a boy how suffered depression, his parents hung a mirror inside his bedroom. And they made him smile at it three times a day ’til it took his depression away. And it goes to show that there’s a natural way of healing what we’re feeling inside. It goes to show that before we prescribe we should first try a simple smile. So I drive out to the middle of nowhere and I turn little as I stare up at the stars in the sky. And these heavens erase any worries I face if I look up once in a while. And it goes to show that there’s a natural way of healing what we’re feeling inside. It goes to show that before we prescribe we should first try a simple smile. Give it a smile, smile, smile. Just a little smile, smile, smile.'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXY_6NuJpCE
"I found a little pot, took it in the kitchen, filled it with some dirt, planted a chrysanthemum. And you should’ve seen how it turned my mood to yellow, it turned my mood to yellow in a day. I read about a boy how suffered depression, his parents hung a mirror inside his bedroom. And they made him smile at it three times a day ’til it took his depression away. And it goes to show that there’s a natural way of healing what we’re feeling inside. It goes to show that before we prescribe we should first try a simple smile. So I drive out to the middle of nowhere and I turn little as I stare up at the stars in the sky. And these heavens erase any worries I face if I look up once in a while. And it goes to show that there’s a natural way of healing what we’re feeling inside. It goes to show that before we prescribe we should first try a simple smile. Give it a smile, smile, smile. Just a little smile, smile, smile.'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXY_6NuJpCE
maybe it's a message
Maybe sudden moments of sadness are God's way of saying, "Hey! I have something to show you. I'm pulling on your heart strings to show you a glimpse of what's next."
If that's the case, maybe that's what He's doing in me right now.
"so much is distilled in our tears, not the least of which is wisdom in living life. From my own tears I have learned that if you follow your tears, you will find your heart. If you find your heart, you will find what is dear to God. And if you find what is dear to God, you will find the answer to how you should live your life." -Ken Gire
If that's the case, maybe that's what He's doing in me right now.
"so much is distilled in our tears, not the least of which is wisdom in living life. From my own tears I have learned that if you follow your tears, you will find your heart. If you find your heart, you will find what is dear to God. And if you find what is dear to God, you will find the answer to how you should live your life." -Ken Gire
thinking thoughts
"He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away his hand…. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."
-from Screwtape Letters
-from Screwtape Letters
Book List
Peace Like a River by Leif Enger
The Gutenberg Elegies by Sven Birkerts (http://www.ucs.mun.ca/~emurphy/stemnet/elegies.html)
Anything by Wendell Berry
Beau Geste - P.C. Wren
Til We Have Faces - Lewis [again and this time faster so I keep up with the story]
Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Ender's Game - Scott Orson Card
The World is Flat --Thomas Friedman
The Gutenberg Elegies by Sven Birkerts (http://www.ucs.mun.ca/~emurphy/stemnet/elegies.html)
Anything by Wendell Berry
Beau Geste - P.C. Wren
Til We Have Faces - Lewis [again and this time faster so I keep up with the story]
Life of Pi - Yann Martel
Ender's Game - Scott Orson Card
The World is Flat --Thomas Friedman
"couldn't get anything out without my hands"
Tonight, after a convo with a musician friend of mine about why my heart felt sad, he told me this story...
"in India they view musicians almost like the catholic church views priests. They're revered, but they're usually dirt poor...You're born, and they stick an instrument in your hands and that's what you do the rest of your life. So some days it feels like a curse, like you have stuff floating around inside you and you have to play it out, and if you don't, then it follows you to bed that night and usually wakes up with you the next morning. But in some ways, that instrument is the only thing that makes life bearable." [mr. bill hugill]
I wish I knew what "instrument" I'm supposed to play in life.
"Rollins kicked it eventually, but what he would do, according to legend, was he would go climb up in the girders of the brooklyn bridge and play all night, so if you walked or drove across the bridge at night, you could hear him play..."
Wow. I wish I coulda heard that.
he finished by saying, "I couldn't live without my hands. I think I would die without them. I'd lose hope, I wouldn't be able to get anything out..."
Wow.
ha, too much wishing for one night me thinks.
"in India they view musicians almost like the catholic church views priests. They're revered, but they're usually dirt poor...You're born, and they stick an instrument in your hands and that's what you do the rest of your life. So some days it feels like a curse, like you have stuff floating around inside you and you have to play it out, and if you don't, then it follows you to bed that night and usually wakes up with you the next morning. But in some ways, that instrument is the only thing that makes life bearable." [mr. bill hugill]
I wish I knew what "instrument" I'm supposed to play in life.
"Rollins kicked it eventually, but what he would do, according to legend, was he would go climb up in the girders of the brooklyn bridge and play all night, so if you walked or drove across the bridge at night, you could hear him play..."
Wow. I wish I coulda heard that.
he finished by saying, "I couldn't live without my hands. I think I would die without them. I'd lose hope, I wouldn't be able to get anything out..."
Wow.
ha, too much wishing for one night me thinks.
from minds much wiser than mine
Don't let doubt and unbelief steal your dream
Don't give up on what God created you for
Live for Divine Promise, not human effort
Don't give up on what God created you for
Live for Divine Promise, not human effort
scattered thoughts. let me learn by paradox.
This blog is probably gonna be a bit scattered. I’m sitting on the floor with my laptop propped up on a makeshift table made out of a cardboard box I found. I could probably find something a bit more normal looking, but I’m okay with this for now.
Yesterday I attended a beautiful wedding where two amazing friends of mine entered into the marriage covenant. I was (and am) blown away by how much they love each other. It goes beyond natural, earthly love. I guess that should be the case when attending any wedding. However, to be honest, there are times when people get engaged and my heart almost feels panic. Mostly it’s because I don’t know if their relationship has been through the proper amounts of fire to know if they could fight alongside and for each other the duration of a lifetime, or if their stamina can stand the pressures of a life where you are no longer your own. Is the friendship strong enough to intentionally keep the fire of love burning?
But for Raymond and Ashley, I couldn’t imagine anyone being more right for either of them. Watching them exchange vows was beautiful. It felt like heaven was smiling. That’s probably a pretty accurate picture. I can’t imagine heaven doing anything different as two people who love Jesus with everything inside of them became one.
They are legit. Their love is a reflection, I believe, of the love of the Kingdom. And that kind of love is a healing kind of love--it gives hope.
_____________________________________________________
As I was returning home from the wedding, I started thinking of an old puritan prayer that I learned when I was younger.
My thoughts these past few days have been swirling with questions and ponderings about the Kingdom and about what love and living looks like as a child of Abba. I’ve gotta be honest—my thoughts have frustrated me. I don’t know that this kind of frustration is bad, though. I don’t want to miss the point. I don’t want to live a life that is pursuing things that do not even matter.
Part of the prayer titled The Valley of Vision goes like this:
“Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision. Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine; let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death, Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin, Thy riches in my poverty, Thy glory in my valley. “
The paradoxes. They may be hard, yet in them there is such redemption. The wanderings that are really findings. The Father's face that shines on the darkest of days. The Father saying, "SON, where are you? When are you coming back home?" when the world would say the son deserves death. Love that says, "I love you," without needing to hear a reply of, "I love you too." Kingship that is formed in the dark places where no one wants to go. a prostitute becoming royalty. shepherd boy becoming king. a coward becoming "strong and mighty." living dead so that you can be truly alive. The orphaned heart becomes the most healed and life-giving heart. The servant becomes a friend.
When will the church become what it's not known how to be?
I can't get past Jesus telling his disciples that the greatest love is shown when a friend lays down his life. Friends. Maybe that is how the Kingdom is displayed the best? I don't really know. It's just a thought.
What would happen if the church became a company of friends? If the love and commitment and honor found in those friendships started taking the world off guard? If friends lived out the paradoxes of the kingdom--and if they learned through living and doing life deeply what covenant really looks like? Friends who get wounded and still choose to love--not cause they are superhuman, but because the Holy Spirit has done such a deep work. What if these friends saw beyond the exterior and into the purposes of God in each other's lives...saying to the timid Gideon, "strong and mighty" and to the one whose lost his way, "there is a place here at the table for you. come home" or "this is not who you are. there is so much more." when one succeeds, "Dude, yes! Be a sign and a wonder."
Cause that's what God does for us. Time and time and time again. To the elder brother and the prodigal brother--he wants both to see.
I want to see what's important. What matters. And in the searching, may I not miss you. May I not look so hard for Your face that I miss it right in front of me. May I not long to see Your glory so obsessively that I miss it all around me.
_____________________________________________________
So now comes the part where I quote a friend. Thank you Ashley for the permission.
“why is it that instead of affecting culture we have only created our own? i realize that we are only continuing what our forefathers taught us, but it must end somewhere.
so i say to you, no thank you. i will not be a part of the deception of men, telling them this is something new and life giving when it is the same soul sucking cycle the world has perpetuated.
we sell ourselves like prostitutes and then sit like celebrities. we sacrifice our lives, not for another, but for ourselves in the strife of identity search.
so do what you please, but as for me, i'm interested in living the life designed before there was a clock on any wall. take whatever road you like, but the narrow one will be mine.
continue your seminars. live for experience. but i will let experience find me as i live. go ahead and sweat as you climb up your ladders. i will lay my head down in a boat on the calmest seas. fear the storms as they roll over your gilded walls. i will let the rain saturate my skin and hear the Voice in the thunder.
slave masters will meet their Maker. then what will you do, little ones? you better look now and see your Father. He makes Himself plain to those who want to find Him.”
With her I say no thank you to anything that is not the Kingdom.
Yesterday I attended a beautiful wedding where two amazing friends of mine entered into the marriage covenant. I was (and am) blown away by how much they love each other. It goes beyond natural, earthly love. I guess that should be the case when attending any wedding. However, to be honest, there are times when people get engaged and my heart almost feels panic. Mostly it’s because I don’t know if their relationship has been through the proper amounts of fire to know if they could fight alongside and for each other the duration of a lifetime, or if their stamina can stand the pressures of a life where you are no longer your own. Is the friendship strong enough to intentionally keep the fire of love burning?
But for Raymond and Ashley, I couldn’t imagine anyone being more right for either of them. Watching them exchange vows was beautiful. It felt like heaven was smiling. That’s probably a pretty accurate picture. I can’t imagine heaven doing anything different as two people who love Jesus with everything inside of them became one.
They are legit. Their love is a reflection, I believe, of the love of the Kingdom. And that kind of love is a healing kind of love--it gives hope.
_____________________________________________________
As I was returning home from the wedding, I started thinking of an old puritan prayer that I learned when I was younger.
My thoughts these past few days have been swirling with questions and ponderings about the Kingdom and about what love and living looks like as a child of Abba. I’ve gotta be honest—my thoughts have frustrated me. I don’t know that this kind of frustration is bad, though. I don’t want to miss the point. I don’t want to live a life that is pursuing things that do not even matter.
Part of the prayer titled The Valley of Vision goes like this:
“Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision. Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine; let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death, Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin, Thy riches in my poverty, Thy glory in my valley. “
The paradoxes. They may be hard, yet in them there is such redemption. The wanderings that are really findings. The Father's face that shines on the darkest of days. The Father saying, "SON, where are you? When are you coming back home?" when the world would say the son deserves death. Love that says, "I love you," without needing to hear a reply of, "I love you too." Kingship that is formed in the dark places where no one wants to go. a prostitute becoming royalty. shepherd boy becoming king. a coward becoming "strong and mighty." living dead so that you can be truly alive. The orphaned heart becomes the most healed and life-giving heart. The servant becomes a friend.
When will the church become what it's not known how to be?
I can't get past Jesus telling his disciples that the greatest love is shown when a friend lays down his life. Friends. Maybe that is how the Kingdom is displayed the best? I don't really know. It's just a thought.
What would happen if the church became a company of friends? If the love and commitment and honor found in those friendships started taking the world off guard? If friends lived out the paradoxes of the kingdom--and if they learned through living and doing life deeply what covenant really looks like? Friends who get wounded and still choose to love--not cause they are superhuman, but because the Holy Spirit has done such a deep work. What if these friends saw beyond the exterior and into the purposes of God in each other's lives...saying to the timid Gideon, "strong and mighty" and to the one whose lost his way, "there is a place here at the table for you. come home" or "this is not who you are. there is so much more." when one succeeds, "Dude, yes! Be a sign and a wonder."
Cause that's what God does for us. Time and time and time again. To the elder brother and the prodigal brother--he wants both to see.
I want to see what's important. What matters. And in the searching, may I not miss you. May I not look so hard for Your face that I miss it right in front of me. May I not long to see Your glory so obsessively that I miss it all around me.
_____________________________________________________
So now comes the part where I quote a friend. Thank you Ashley for the permission.
“why is it that instead of affecting culture we have only created our own? i realize that we are only continuing what our forefathers taught us, but it must end somewhere.
so i say to you, no thank you. i will not be a part of the deception of men, telling them this is something new and life giving when it is the same soul sucking cycle the world has perpetuated.
we sell ourselves like prostitutes and then sit like celebrities. we sacrifice our lives, not for another, but for ourselves in the strife of identity search.
so do what you please, but as for me, i'm interested in living the life designed before there was a clock on any wall. take whatever road you like, but the narrow one will be mine.
continue your seminars. live for experience. but i will let experience find me as i live. go ahead and sweat as you climb up your ladders. i will lay my head down in a boat on the calmest seas. fear the storms as they roll over your gilded walls. i will let the rain saturate my skin and hear the Voice in the thunder.
slave masters will meet their Maker. then what will you do, little ones? you better look now and see your Father. He makes Himself plain to those who want to find Him.”
With her I say no thank you to anything that is not the Kingdom.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
words, words, words
My friends know I like words--books, movies, tea bag quotes, graffiti, lyrics--word, words, words. Which is why I may have an obsession with quotes. There is something about words put together nicely, in a way that commands attention and provokes emotion, that never fails to fascinate me.
I find myself reading King Lear and wondering what inspired Shakespeare to write, “The worst returns to laughter.” Or Dickens writing in A Tale of Two Cities, “A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other. A solemn consideration, when I enter a great city by night, that every one of those darkly clustered houses encloses its own secret; that every room in every one of them encloses its own secret; that every beating heart in the hundreds of thousands of breasts there, is, in some of its imaginings, a secret to the heart nearest it!” Jane Austen in her novel Persuasion, “She had been forced into prudence in her youth, she learned romance as she grew older: the natural sequence of an unnatural beginning." Lord Tennyson, “Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough gleams that untravel'd world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move…” Thoreau, “There is no remedy for love but to love more.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer: "How can a man wax arrogant if in this life he shares the suffering of God?" Amy Carmichael: “Blessed are the single-hearted, for they shall enjoy much peace. If you refuse to be hurried and pressed, if you stay your soul on God, nothing can keep you from that clearness of spirit which is life and peace. In that stillness you will know what His will is.” Jason Upton, "Stop chasing a somebody to become a somebody, but instead chase a nobody and tell them they are a somebody."
The list goes on and on of people whose heads I would like to get inside of for a moment. Yet I must settle for using my imagination to lead me into the stories behind these words that are now considered "quotes".
All these words aided in shaping my life in various ways. They've gotten into me and stayed in my heart--to the point that on certains days I feel like I can hear them being whispered as I walk. Mother Theresa stating, “Peace begins with a smile.” Audrey Hepburn, “I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." Jeff Tweedy, “Let’s turn our prayers into outrageous dares.” Banksy, “Speak softly but carry a can of paint.” Samwise Gamgee, my fictional hero, "there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.' Mark Twain, "Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates."
And what was going on with Charlie Kauffman when he wrote in Synecdoche New York, “But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved.” I want to give that character a hug—although there are also days when I feel exactly that way but don’t want to admit to it.
How about the lovely Lewis, “The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing — to reach the Mountain, to find the place where all the beauty came from — my country, the place where I ought to have been born. Do you think it all meant nothing, all the longing? The longing for home? For indeed it now feels not like going, but like going back." Or Buechner, that theologian, writer, seer, who wrote beautiful things like, “Every once in a while life can be very eloquent.” Or my man Wilde, “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” Ah the fabulous Jewish theologian and philosopher Abraham HEschel, “When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people." The often tormented yet honest Van Gogh, “In both figure and landscape … I want to get to the point where people say of my work: that man feels deeply, that man feels keenly.” My favorite poet Robert Browning, "Dante, who loved well because he hated, Hated wickedness that hinders love..." President Thomas Jefferson, “Every generation needs a new revolution.”
King Charles, my favorite musician at the present moment, “The fulfillment of beauty has to be love; the fulfillment of love has to come from above.” Brian Andreas, “Anyone can slay a dragon ...but try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero. " Or my favorite line from any of Ingrid’s songs, “They say you’re really not somebody, until somebody else loves you. Well I am waiting to make somebody somebody, sooooon.” Jon Foreman, "Darkness cannot cast out darkness. You need a light for that. Fear cannot cast out fear. You're gonna need hope for that... death warrants more death. But I believe life wants more life and I'm convinced that the greatest weapon we've got is LOVE! And maybe, in a world full of fighters, in a world imploding with hate, maybe to be a lover, you gotta be a fighter. Maybe that's the biggest fight, the only fight worth fighting, the fight you're gonna be in for the rest of your life." Kris Vallotton, "Our greatest destiny lies on the other side of fear."
The prophet Isaiah,"I will go before you and will level the mountains. I will break down gates of bronze, and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places. So that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Or the Proverbs—words that I hope will grow in my heart and mark my life…”Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.” Jesus, the One whose words I hope come to mean more to me than any others…”love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” Paul saying that the Kingdom is about love, and that love, “hopes all things, believes all things…”
These words are not just ink on a page or words blowing aimlessly in the wind. They are alive. They mark me, seep into me, give me stamina for this journey. They make me want to live differently, more fully. In those who crafted these words I find heroes. I find mentors. I find inspiration. I find…friends.
And lately it's been the friends who are around me in the present whose words have brought me to places of crazy fascination. Who they are [and are becoming] and the depth of their love leaves me, this apparent lover of words, totally unable to give an adequate description to how blessed I am to know them. I’m realizing how thankful I am for them—for their friendship, their character, their insight, their love.
So here are a few (although not all) samples of quotes from my friends.
“no matter how many bizillion, articles of clothing you have you never cease to steal from me. you could, in fact, be the true fashionista under cover.”
-Brianna
“I got your back, girl.” –Ashley
“Different loves call for different punctuation. Some are shouted with joy and others are whispered with intensity and thought. And there are others that happen under a laugh and a smile.” –Nathan
“Remember you’re a beloved daughter of the most high king!” –Brittany
“The words to the chorus are few, but the only ones that matter dear are I LOVE YOU.” -Brittany
“Stop and smell the roses. Literally.” –Misty
“I love you and sleep well and know that you are loved. And it’s going to be ok. It’s not as bad as you think.” –Jordan (after I set off the alarm system while baby-sitting)
“Tonight at bedtime, Amber prayed, ‘Thank you for loveliness.’” –Ashley
"Do you really think we need to have 'revival convergence' meetings in order for revival to come? We have just created another culture instead of changing what we live in." -Ashley
“We just need to travel somewhere and find these doors.” –Kelcey
“I love you! i am so so very glad you exist!” –Morgan
“So I stood in front of the mirror testing out Pidge's theory....it's true....” -Heather
“Be confident that God is moving you forward. You’re not a wanderer. You’re on the right path at the right time.” –Danielle
“Caitlin, you should train for the Olympics!” –Debbie
“Purity is essential. And what's really going on is that you are just waiting for everybody to catch up.” –Austin
"Caitlin, I was watching 'Say Anything' and part of her reminded me of you. I hope you get a Lloyd Dobbler. You deserve one more than anyone else I know." -Audrey (I still have no idea what this means...i probably need to see the movie:-)
“You only get one first love.” -Thierry
“That’s the stuff of legends.” –Ashley A.
“You need a banjo.” –Bill Hugill
“Zombies and grotesque creatures are always a great way to start facebook conversations, you know. You should try it sometime.” –Phil
“Why are you so down? You got this!” -Brook
Yes, I know amazing people. This collection is constantly expanding….
I find myself reading King Lear and wondering what inspired Shakespeare to write, “The worst returns to laughter.” Or Dickens writing in A Tale of Two Cities, “A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other. A solemn consideration, when I enter a great city by night, that every one of those darkly clustered houses encloses its own secret; that every room in every one of them encloses its own secret; that every beating heart in the hundreds of thousands of breasts there, is, in some of its imaginings, a secret to the heart nearest it!” Jane Austen in her novel Persuasion, “She had been forced into prudence in her youth, she learned romance as she grew older: the natural sequence of an unnatural beginning." Lord Tennyson, “Yet all experience is an arch wherethrough gleams that untravel'd world whose margin fades forever and forever when I move…” Thoreau, “There is no remedy for love but to love more.” Dietrich Bonhoeffer: "How can a man wax arrogant if in this life he shares the suffering of God?" Amy Carmichael: “Blessed are the single-hearted, for they shall enjoy much peace. If you refuse to be hurried and pressed, if you stay your soul on God, nothing can keep you from that clearness of spirit which is life and peace. In that stillness you will know what His will is.” Jason Upton, "Stop chasing a somebody to become a somebody, but instead chase a nobody and tell them they are a somebody."
The list goes on and on of people whose heads I would like to get inside of for a moment. Yet I must settle for using my imagination to lead me into the stories behind these words that are now considered "quotes".
All these words aided in shaping my life in various ways. They've gotten into me and stayed in my heart--to the point that on certains days I feel like I can hear them being whispered as I walk. Mother Theresa stating, “Peace begins with a smile.” Audrey Hepburn, “I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." Jeff Tweedy, “Let’s turn our prayers into outrageous dares.” Banksy, “Speak softly but carry a can of paint.” Samwise Gamgee, my fictional hero, "there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.' Mark Twain, "Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates."
And what was going on with Charlie Kauffman when he wrote in Synecdoche New York, “But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn't really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved.” I want to give that character a hug—although there are also days when I feel exactly that way but don’t want to admit to it.
How about the lovely Lewis, “The sweetest thing in all my life has been the longing — to reach the Mountain, to find the place where all the beauty came from — my country, the place where I ought to have been born. Do you think it all meant nothing, all the longing? The longing for home? For indeed it now feels not like going, but like going back." Or Buechner, that theologian, writer, seer, who wrote beautiful things like, “Every once in a while life can be very eloquent.” Or my man Wilde, “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” Ah the fabulous Jewish theologian and philosopher Abraham HEschel, “When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people." The often tormented yet honest Van Gogh, “In both figure and landscape … I want to get to the point where people say of my work: that man feels deeply, that man feels keenly.” My favorite poet Robert Browning, "Dante, who loved well because he hated, Hated wickedness that hinders love..." President Thomas Jefferson, “Every generation needs a new revolution.”
King Charles, my favorite musician at the present moment, “The fulfillment of beauty has to be love; the fulfillment of love has to come from above.” Brian Andreas, “Anyone can slay a dragon ...but try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero. " Or my favorite line from any of Ingrid’s songs, “They say you’re really not somebody, until somebody else loves you. Well I am waiting to make somebody somebody, sooooon.” Jon Foreman, "Darkness cannot cast out darkness. You need a light for that. Fear cannot cast out fear. You're gonna need hope for that... death warrants more death. But I believe life wants more life and I'm convinced that the greatest weapon we've got is LOVE! And maybe, in a world full of fighters, in a world imploding with hate, maybe to be a lover, you gotta be a fighter. Maybe that's the biggest fight, the only fight worth fighting, the fight you're gonna be in for the rest of your life." Kris Vallotton, "Our greatest destiny lies on the other side of fear."
The prophet Isaiah,"I will go before you and will level the mountains. I will break down gates of bronze, and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places. So that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name." Or the Proverbs—words that I hope will grow in my heart and mark my life…”Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.” Jesus, the One whose words I hope come to mean more to me than any others…”love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” Paul saying that the Kingdom is about love, and that love, “hopes all things, believes all things…”
These words are not just ink on a page or words blowing aimlessly in the wind. They are alive. They mark me, seep into me, give me stamina for this journey. They make me want to live differently, more fully. In those who crafted these words I find heroes. I find mentors. I find inspiration. I find…friends.
And lately it's been the friends who are around me in the present whose words have brought me to places of crazy fascination. Who they are [and are becoming] and the depth of their love leaves me, this apparent lover of words, totally unable to give an adequate description to how blessed I am to know them. I’m realizing how thankful I am for them—for their friendship, their character, their insight, their love.
So here are a few (although not all) samples of quotes from my friends.
“no matter how many bizillion, articles of clothing you have you never cease to steal from me. you could, in fact, be the true fashionista under cover.”
-Brianna
“I got your back, girl.” –Ashley
“Different loves call for different punctuation. Some are shouted with joy and others are whispered with intensity and thought. And there are others that happen under a laugh and a smile.” –Nathan
“Remember you’re a beloved daughter of the most high king!” –Brittany
“The words to the chorus are few, but the only ones that matter dear are I LOVE YOU.” -Brittany
“Stop and smell the roses. Literally.” –Misty
“I love you and sleep well and know that you are loved. And it’s going to be ok. It’s not as bad as you think.” –Jordan (after I set off the alarm system while baby-sitting)
“Tonight at bedtime, Amber prayed, ‘Thank you for loveliness.’” –Ashley
"Do you really think we need to have 'revival convergence' meetings in order for revival to come? We have just created another culture instead of changing what we live in." -Ashley
“We just need to travel somewhere and find these doors.” –Kelcey
“I love you! i am so so very glad you exist!” –Morgan
“So I stood in front of the mirror testing out Pidge's theory....it's true....” -Heather
“Be confident that God is moving you forward. You’re not a wanderer. You’re on the right path at the right time.” –Danielle
“Caitlin, you should train for the Olympics!” –Debbie
“Purity is essential. And what's really going on is that you are just waiting for everybody to catch up.” –Austin
"Caitlin, I was watching 'Say Anything' and part of her reminded me of you. I hope you get a Lloyd Dobbler. You deserve one more than anyone else I know." -Audrey (I still have no idea what this means...i probably need to see the movie:-)
“You only get one first love.” -Thierry
“That’s the stuff of legends.” –Ashley A.
“You need a banjo.” –Bill Hugill
“Zombies and grotesque creatures are always a great way to start facebook conversations, you know. You should try it sometime.” –Phil
“Why are you so down? You got this!” -Brook
Yes, I know amazing people. This collection is constantly expanding….
Monday, April 5, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Learning Not to Miss the Point
In a way, each person is his own mystery novel—living out a journey and writing a story that takes effort to see and understand.
It’s easy to miss the point of somebody else’s story. It’s easy to miss the point of our own.
Yet, what this generation is looking for is an acceptance that affirms their value and believes in their potential—they want to be seen and they want to be known. They want their story to be read and for it to matter.
In enters Ashley Pontius, a seventeen year old on a journey, making choices that are shaping her future. She’s known what it feels like to be misunderstood, and yet she is determined to follow the dreams in her heart.
April 3, 2010 was one of the most important nights of her life, the night she officially became a member of the Catholic Church. The decision to convert was not an easy one, and she honestly shares that, “This year has been insane, for better and for worse. When I decided to convert I lost a lot of respect, friends and support. I was treated differently. I was pitied a lot.”
The opposition did not stop her from following her heart. That evening at St. Mary’s in Hagerstown, Maryland she stood up in front of the congregation to publicly profess her faith, receiving the name Saint Maria Goretti, the patron saint of “chastity, youth, teenage girls, poverty, purity and forgiveness.” This woman’s accomplishments reflect Ashley’s own dream of bringing life and hope to her generation.
“This is the most important day of my life. I would give it all up again just to have this moment. I would go through it all again just for this one day. There's no going back. It reminds me of getting married. You don’t want it any other way, but forever doesn’t seem so humanly possible but you got to believe in your heart that you want it and that it exists,” Ashley shares a few hours before the service.
This journey started two years ago, in a mandatory driver’s ed class where two students invited her to come with them to church. In recounting her first encounters with Catholicism she says, “I started hanging around the Catholic Church out of curiosity, but then realized it was something more. I was searching for a life of meaning and I found it in the Catholic Church.”
After battling deep bouts of depression and hopelessness, she believes God brought her a community of friends in the Catholic Church to push her closer to His heart and His plan for her life.
Despite the people who have harshly judged her decision, Ashley is happy with the choices that she’s made. While many have missed the point behind her passion, she is not giving up. “Hope taught me how to hang on for the long haul,” she says as she reflects on all that God has done in her life.
It’s easy to miss the point and judge another when you stay on the surface. It takes effort to get into the heart and find out what is inspiring each person’s journey.
Ashley Pontius’s story proves that the discovery is well worth the time.
It’s easy to miss the point of somebody else’s story. It’s easy to miss the point of our own.
Yet, what this generation is looking for is an acceptance that affirms their value and believes in their potential—they want to be seen and they want to be known. They want their story to be read and for it to matter.
In enters Ashley Pontius, a seventeen year old on a journey, making choices that are shaping her future. She’s known what it feels like to be misunderstood, and yet she is determined to follow the dreams in her heart.
April 3, 2010 was one of the most important nights of her life, the night she officially became a member of the Catholic Church. The decision to convert was not an easy one, and she honestly shares that, “This year has been insane, for better and for worse. When I decided to convert I lost a lot of respect, friends and support. I was treated differently. I was pitied a lot.”
The opposition did not stop her from following her heart. That evening at St. Mary’s in Hagerstown, Maryland she stood up in front of the congregation to publicly profess her faith, receiving the name Saint Maria Goretti, the patron saint of “chastity, youth, teenage girls, poverty, purity and forgiveness.” This woman’s accomplishments reflect Ashley’s own dream of bringing life and hope to her generation.
“This is the most important day of my life. I would give it all up again just to have this moment. I would go through it all again just for this one day. There's no going back. It reminds me of getting married. You don’t want it any other way, but forever doesn’t seem so humanly possible but you got to believe in your heart that you want it and that it exists,” Ashley shares a few hours before the service.
This journey started two years ago, in a mandatory driver’s ed class where two students invited her to come with them to church. In recounting her first encounters with Catholicism she says, “I started hanging around the Catholic Church out of curiosity, but then realized it was something more. I was searching for a life of meaning and I found it in the Catholic Church.”
After battling deep bouts of depression and hopelessness, she believes God brought her a community of friends in the Catholic Church to push her closer to His heart and His plan for her life.
Despite the people who have harshly judged her decision, Ashley is happy with the choices that she’s made. While many have missed the point behind her passion, she is not giving up. “Hope taught me how to hang on for the long haul,” she says as she reflects on all that God has done in her life.
It’s easy to miss the point and judge another when you stay on the surface. It takes effort to get into the heart and find out what is inspiring each person’s journey.
Ashley Pontius’s story proves that the discovery is well worth the time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)